


Tell Me It's Alright

by BinaryStars3



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben got the "clueless" gene, But Rey is Also A Badass, Didn't Know They Were Dating, F/M, HEA, If I missed anything yell at me, Parents Han and Leia, Please read the notes before reading this piece, Protective Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey does get hurt by a Bad Man, Rey is a gremlin but we love her anyways, also there's a lot of curse words in this im sorry, channeling my inner Jane Austen with that I think, just be warned, lots of chapters but lots of SHORT chapters, more details in the notes, rey and ben are best friends, there's a lot of crying in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:01:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 76,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryStars3/pseuds/BinaryStars3
Summary: What would have happened if we had met sooner? In a different life, maybe, before we made our choices that sent us down this awful path. What if we had been there for each other? What if we had seen each other through the darkness, and helped each other through it?What if the universe had been kinder to us? Would we still be the same?A story about kindness, and how being that person for someone can change everything in the blink of an eye.//☆//She curses as she pulls up their conversation, she’s got about ten percent left on her battery before her phone is dead. He better be awake, or she is going to kick his ass at school tomorrow. If she fucking survives till school tommorow.Er, today? It’s past midnight, now.She sniffs again as she composes her message, trying to be somewhat coherent with her off hand.Are u aawake?BenBnHelp
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 96
Kudos: 119





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hello, hi. 
> 
> Quick thing, quick note before we begin, there is a fairly graphic scene in the very beginning of this that involves a minor getting their hand hurt! Nothing to kick it into E rated, but enough to warrant an M rating for sure. I would say you could just skip that part, but the hurt is a central theme to the story and gets brought up multiple times in descriptive ways. The rest is literally just like tender fluff and sweetness, because I think our world needs more of that right now, but PLEASE be wary when reading.
> 
> TLDR; don't read if you don't think this story is for you. It's a story about a traumatic experience and the recovery process after, and how important kindness and goodness is when something bad happens to someone you're close to.
> 
> On that note, just like, be nice to each other. Please. Just show some basic human decency to each other. That's all I ask you take away from this.

Rey should have seen this coming, she really should have. 

She shouldn’t have left the stove on, it was a dumb mistake, but she’s been thinking about that AP English exam all day, and she kind of forgot that she left it on to make herself dinner…

And now Plutt, her latest foster parent in a string of bad foster parents, is raging at her about wasting electricity. Being a waste of space in general, really, taking up his time and money. Stealing food at night, when she thinks he’s asleep, and blaming her for stealing money that she  _ knows _ her last foster brother took before he got transferred, in an act of poorly targeted defiance.

But he was so much younger than her, five years. She couldn’t have ratted him out, even when she knew Plutt would notice. 

She takes the brunt of the tirade with grace, arms crossed and eyes focused on the floor. He’s drunk again, he gets drunk like this on Sunday nights. Most nights, actually, but he gets angry drunk on the weekends. Some potent mixture of hard liquor and beer turns him sour. The kind that you can smell on him, that makes her wrinkle up her nose when he gets particularly close. His drink of choice tonight is whiskey, she can practically feel the fumes licking at her face from his hot breath. 

He grabs her hand, dragging her towards the stove as she pulls in defiance. He’s slurring his words, shouting nonsense as she kicks and fights against him. He’s been physical with her, gripping her too tightly when he tells her off, pushing her around when she gets in the way and he gets really angry, but this is something else. This is something bigger.

This feels different, and it’s scaring Rey in a way she wasn’t expecting.

Rey realizes she’s scared.

She knows she can handle a couple choice words, she can handle bruises that she can hide under her array of sweaters, and she can handle Plutt. What she can’t handle is him grabbing her hand, and placing it directly on the surface of the hot electric stove that she left on in punishment for a fucking mistake.

She doesn’t even register his words, as her palm hits heat and her heart pounds. Time freezes, and everything falls to a standstill as she just stares in shock at the scene playing in front of her. It feels, for a moment, like she is not in her own body. Like she has lost complete control.

Logically, she knows what’s happening, but it takes a second for her to realize exactly what’s  _ happened _ , the burn setting in a second too late for her to save herself. With searing pain, she knows the damage is done, the skin of her right hand is scorched and her nerves are burnt to hell. He’s pressing her hand to the heat still, as her body and mind connect the dots.

Holy shit, he’s burning her hand.

Holy shit,  _ it hurts. _

She screams, although it doesn’t sound like her voice, as she pulls away in a sudden rush of adrenaline. She’s crying, from pain or pent up anger she can’t tell, as her whole body shakes and she stares at the raw skin of her palm in horror. It’s red and angry, and she knows it’s going to blister. She can already feel it growing sore. Holy fuck, that hurts.

Plutt is still shouting, profanities and curses now, as Rey bolts. She doesn’t even take anything with her, leaving everything behind as she escapes down a front hallway and tears towards the front door. Time feels slowed down, like she’s trapped in molasses or the hallway is somehow growing in length, as she reaches for the ugly brown handle before recoiling with a hiss.

Right, her hand.  _ Shit _ .

She jiggles the doorknob loose with her left palm, undoing the deadbolt and making a break for the cold air as Plutt rages behind her and tries to catch her with his perpetually sweaty palms. She doesn’t know where she’s going, only that she has to get out of here. She has to get somewhere else, she isn’t safe anymore.

She takes a turn and sprints up the street, as far away as possible from that jerk.

She looks behind her once, Plutt slamming the door closed as she runs as fast as she can and prays she never has to see him again.

She runs with no real destination in sight, and still sighs a breath of relief as she races away from the rundown house she’s spent the last four years of her life in.

//☆//

Rey doesn’t stop running until she makes it to a public park, wheezing and panting in the dark as she sets her good hand on her knee and takes a deep breath. The air is cold, chilling her lungs, as a streetlight flickers on the road. This isn’t a safe place to be, even if it’s safer than Plutts right now. She needs a plan, and fast.

Fuck, what is she supposed to do? She left her backpack at that monster’s, and all of her homework is in it. She doesn’t have her wallet, she barely even has her phone-

Her phone. She can call Ben. Holy shit, she has a plan.

She holds her hurt palm to her chest as she paces and pulls the device from her back pocket, sniffling as she uses her hand to wipe her face as she trudges through the wet grass. It would be easier to call him, but she knows he never answers his phone because of spam. She has to text him if she wants a response. 

She curses as she pulls up their conversation, she’s got about ten percent left on her battery before her phone is dead. He better be awake, or she is going to kick his ass at school tomorrow. If she fucking survives till school tommorow.

Er, today? It’s past midnight, now.

She sniffs again as she composes her message, trying to be somewhat coherent with her off hand.

_ Are u aawake? _

_ Ben _

_ Bn _

_ Help _

That seems to get his attention after a couple seconds, three message bubbles popping up as she exhales a puff of air into the night.

It takes him a second, Rey sighing and taking a deep breath as she wills her heart to stop pounding. She turns up to the sky, trying to spot the Big Dipper as she waits for that response. It always astounds her how well she can see the stars sometimes, away from the street and the noise of the happy houses that certainly don’t have little girls with burnt hands freaking out in them. How the fuck did she end up here again? It all seems a blur in her racing mind, she can’t believe any of this is happening.

She doesn’t even know where to begin, a flood of the last twenty minutes hitting her brain like a semi-truck. 

If she’s not careful she’s definitely going to have a panic attack or something, so she takes deep breaths in and out to try and calm herself. She focuses on her body, on the moment. One step at a time, she can do this.

Her body feels heavy, and sore, and broken. She tries not to cry as she kicks at the grass and waits for his messages. She can’t believe she has to do this.

Her phone finally buzzes, a wave of relief cresting over her head.

**Im awake, what’s going on?**

**Rey**

**Rey**

She laughs, grinning as she lets herself smile. Her  _ savior _ .

_ I nee help. somethin happened.  _

_ it’s easier if I explin in perso, will ur parents b angry if I come over? _

**No, of course not. They love you.**

**Do you need me to come pick you up?**

_ Nono, im fine. Im halfway to urs alredy. _

**Are you SURE you don’t need me to come pick you up?**

Rey gives herself a moment to think, as her phone ticks down to five percent. No, it’s best if she walks. She doesn’t want her phone to die and for Ben to freak out and drive all over the neighborhood looking for her. 

Plus, she needs a little longer to process this. A night walk isn’t the worst thing to take right now.

She texts him back.

_ Im fine. Jst stay up? Wai fo me? _

**Of course, I’ll leave the porch light on.**

**:)**

She snorts as she starts to walk down the street, because a smiling emoticon is the last thing she feels like reading right now. She knows Ben uses them to aggravate her, she thinks they’re disturbing little creatures, but he still manages to pull a smile out of her.

She wipes her eyes as she walks, tucking her phone in her back pocket just in case that five percent comes in handy.

Not that it will, at all. She knows her phone will be dead by the time she gets to his place. She’ll be lucky if it lasts until she gets halfway down this street.

God, what the hell has she gotten herself into?


	2. 2

The walk gives her time to think, time to process. Maybe she can lie her way out of this, she made a mistake and burnt her own hand on a curling iron or something. It wouldn’t be difficult, she’s done it before. Lied, that is.

Except Ben knows she doesn’t own a curling iron, and that she isn’t stupid enough to put her own hand on a burner without checking if it was hot or not. He knows she’s not stupid, which makes this whole situation so much more difficult. 

She knows he’ll see through any lie she puts in front of him, and she can’t lie to Leia and Han when they’ve been nothing but sweet to her since she first crushed their sons nuts in a particularly intense dodgeball match freshman year. 

In her defense, it wasn’t her fault. He jumped at the same time she threw and she just so happened to hit him directly in the private bits. It was an  _ accident _ . A really funny accident, that resulted with Rey learning a few new combinations of curse words and Ben vowing to get revenge.

They’ve been inseparable ever since, thick as thieves and twice as troublesome.

She smiles to herself as she walks, remembering how a smaller Ben writhed on the floor and cursed her out on approach. The dramatics had been spot on, she pinned him for a theatre kid before he told her he was more of an English guy, and that she was a fucking monster. 

She sniffles, face falling even as she reflects on the happy memory. She’s so lucky she has him, he’s the only real family she has anymore. Leia, Han, Ben…

She loves them, so much. What would she do without them?

What will she do without them, without him? 

Her reverie breaks as she ends up in front of the Solo household, holding her right wrist in her left palm as she takes a deep breath. She’s shaking, despite her best attempts not to, and she realizes that Ben really  _ did _ leave the porch light on for her. 

She’s struck by how sweet he is, how much he cares.

She slowly wanders her way across the lawn, not even bothering to use the concrete pathway, as he comes barreling out the front door like a fucking bull. 

Rey realizes he was watching for her, waiting. He must have been looking out the front window of the living room or something as he waited for her.

She starts crying as soon as she sees him, hearing Leia frantically call after her son as he bolts across the lawn. He shrugs off his jacket as he quietly tries to shush Rey's tears, and she thinks about how lucky he is to have a parent that cares. To have two parents that care, even if she knows they’re shit at showing it sometimes.

He shoots off a string of creative profanities as his hand gets caught in the sleeve, revealing the fabric of his tee underneath. Some things never change, like Bens questionable word choices when he’s minorly inconvenienced. Rey can’t help but heave a dry chuckle as he struggles, the only good thing to have come out of this shitty situation.

He huffs, a warm puff of air leaving his lungs as he drapes the fabric over her shoulders. “Rey, Jesus fuck, it’s freezing.” He grunts, the January chill creeping through her bones and creating little clouds of condensation between them as he rubs her arms to try and warm her up. She breaks as his hand gently settles on her waist, full on sobbing as he worries over her and tries to get her covered. She knows she’s an ugly crier, her face gets all red and she’s a fountain of snot, but she can’t seem to get herself under control right now. It just isn’t going to happen, no matter what Ben does.

He wraps his arms around her, squishing her to his chest as he calls back to Leia. “It’s just Rey, Mom. Just Rey.”

She doesn’t want to look up right now, to face Leia or Han in this state, so she resigns herself to just sobbing into Ben's chest as he sweetly rubs her back. For a man built like a mountain, he has always been so achingly gentle with her.

They stand like that for a moment, until Rey realizes Ben is starting to get goosebumps from the cold. That seems to outweigh her current problems, for some reason. “You need to get inside.” She murmurs against his shirt, as he shakes his head above hers. He is stubborn, so stupidly stubborn. Ass.

He places his face against her hair, his warm breath hitting her temple. “What happened, Rey? What’s going on? Why are you crying?” He asks in concern, looking almost angry as she pulls away. She knows it’s not aimed at her, it’s never aimed at her. 

He never gets angry at her, because that’s not how best friends communicate.

Ben sighs, rubbing her sides as she tugs on his shirt. His eyes have gone wide, fear apparent in the way he focuses on her and frets. “It’s one am, you walked here in nothing but jeans and a t-shirt, and you’re crying on my lawn. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong. You’re kind of freaking me out here.”

He opens his mouth again after a moment, like he means to say something else that just won’t come out, and Rey realizes he’s kind of at a loss for words. It looks like a million and a half things are trapped in that big brain of his, but he just has no idea how to communicate any of them. How to let them out. He runs a hand through his hair in the meantime, continuing to stare and gawk at her.

She holds up her hand for him, hissing as he slowly pokes at the flesh of her palm with his thumb and a whole new batch of tears threaten to spill over. She sniffles as they start to fall, Ben pulling out his phone from the front pocket of his sweats and turning on the flashlight so he can get a better look.

The LEDs snap on, and Rey can see the extent of the damage as Ben freezes in his tracks. Her skin is all mottled red and pink, with blisters just starting to bloom. It’s going to be bad, she knows it’s going to be bad. 

She hopes it doesn’t scar.

“Plutt- He-“ She sobs, voice breaking as Ben pokes at her skin with his fingers. She whines as his index tentatively touches the muscle below her thumb, cradling her hand in his massive palm. He pulls away as soon as she makes a noise, loudly sighing as she whimpers and shakes in the cold. 

When she stares up at him he looks almost conflicted, caught in a spiders web. She realizes she might be dragging him into something dangerous here, but she truly didn’t have anywhere else to go. It had to be Ben. “Plutt did this?” He finally hums, quiet and far sweeter than she expected. There is a lingering anger behind his eyes, though, fury that this happened. Fury for her, on her behalf.

She nods in response, rubbing at her eyes with his sleeve as she hiccups and cries. She feels like a failure, she feels  _ defeated _ . She doesn’t understand why this happened to her, what she did to deserve this. Any of this.

He pulls her closer after a moment, shutting off his phone and tucking it back in his pocket with one swift move. She feels his arms wrap tightly around her as he leans down, and suddenly he’s lifting her off of the ground and to his chest with one strong grunt.

Rey squeaks, as one hand goes under her legs and the other around her back. She instinctively tugs him closer, arms going around his neck as he calls back to the front door.

“Rey’s hurt, her hand is pretty badly burned. Can you grab the medkit?”

She hears muffled voices through Ben's neck, as she quietly breathes into his skin and she squeezes her eyes so tightly shut that she sees stars.

“How did she burn her hand?” Leia hums in morbid curiosity, Rey feeling a warm but tentative palm on her shoulder as Ben shrugs.

“Plutt did, I don’t know. He’s her current foster father. Total jerk.”

She smiles as she hears Ben curse under his breath, and Leia just mutters something that sounds like a gentle, “Language, Ben.” as he grunts in response and carries her to the kitchen. 

He sets her down on the counter, and it takes everything in her body to pull her limbs away from his.


	3. 3

Ben was worried the moment he got the text from Rey.

Thank god he hadn’t been asleep, switching between staring at his ceiling and scrolling through instagram memes, when her messages started pouring in. Four in quick succession, popping up at the top of his phone as he sighed. He really wasn’t in the mood to talk to her tonight, even if he loves her.

It’s just been a bad day, and he doesn’t like to bring that energy to her.

At first he thought maybe she needed someone to talk to, as he lazily read something about… frogs. Frog memes, good. Slimy sons of bitches.

And then he saw that four letter word, the notification coming in at the top of his phone.

**Help**

Of course he tapped on her messages after that, blinking as the light from his phone near blinded him in the dark.

He ran downstairs after she asked to come over, slipping on a jacket and turning on the porch light for her, just as he promised. He really should have said he was going to go and pick her up, he doesn’t like the idea of her being out there at night. It’s cold, and dark, and who knows if she’ll even be able to find her way to his house…

He waited in the dining room, pacing through yellow light as his mom watched some type of shitty tv show in the living space. Some dramatic murder mystery, a rare point of agreement for them, as he waited. If he wasn’t so worried, he probably would have gone to join her.

The seconds ticked by like minutes, and the minutes like hours, as he waited for her.

His mother, of course, asked him what was up. He just shrugged in response, said he was waiting for something.

She was unconvinced.

She kept an eye on him, of course, as he crossed his arms and checked his phone repeatedly. Like a tiger pacing his cage. Rey should have been here by now, but she still isn’t. If she changed her mind she should have at least let him know so he wasn’t _worried_ like he always is when it comes to her.

He finally sees her form in the dark about ten minutes later, shivering and tired as she makes her way up the grass of his lawn. Before he even knows what’s happening he’s running out the door, running to go and make sure she’s alright. His mother calls for him, standing up and freaking out as her child dashes into the dark, but all he can think about is Rey as a gust of cold air hits his face.

She must be fucking freezing, she’s hardly got weather appropriate clothes on.

He bundles her up in his jacket, and she’s sobbing on his lawn, and he has no clue what the hell happened or why she’s here, but he knows that she’s crying and she asked him for help.

So, he holds her and hopes that is enough.

When she reveals her palm to him he nearly loses it, it is only by the grace of his need for her to get inside and get bandaged up that he doesn’t go and punch that ugly, reptilian, motherfucking ass wipe right across the face. He deserves it, Ben knows he deserves it, but there are other priorities that come first right now.

It is only by the grace of Rey wrapping her arms around his neck and letting him carry her inside that he doesn’t go to war for her. 

His mother runs to the bathroom to find the medkit, as Ben sets her down on the counter in the kitchen. He tries to think of what to do here, how to help, when he remembers basic burn treatment.

He’s supposed to run it under cold water, right? That’s what he does when he gets hot glue burns, anyways.

He keeps an eye on Rey, as he rummages around for a bowl and she stares at her palm. She hisses as she tests her fingers, and Ben's heart aches as he finally pulls out a metal bowl and starts filling it with cold water in the sink. It rattles against the basin as he takes a deep breath, collecting his thoughts.

“Rey, what happened?” He hums, the metal humming against the basin as she sniffles and looks up at him with salty tears running down her face. His hands uselessly hang down by his sides, itching to wrap around her again, and he tries to figure out what to do here. They’re close, but not like that. She doesn’t like him like that.

He knows she doesn’t like him like that.

He sighs as she starts crying again, shoulders heaving as he reaches for a dishtowel. He runs it under the cold water, pulling the bowl out of the sink and setting it next to her as he furrows his brow. 

He shuts off the tap, and starts wiping off her face. “Can you put your hand in there, please?” He tries to hum, although it comes out more strangled, more broken, than he intends. She seems frozen, in shock, as he wipes under her eyes. “Rey, please.” He chokes out, pleading for her to do _something_. He’s scared.

She nods, and Ben helps her ease her palm into the cold water. She hisses at first, as a yawning Han comes into the kitchen, and all hell breaks loose.

He just stares, and Ben flinches every time Rey makes a whine or a hiss as cold water covers more of her burned skin. Ben knows it’s going to get worse before it gets better, and he wishes he could do more. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He murmurs, as she finally gets her whole hand into the water. 

She breathes a sigh of relief as her palm sinks underneath the surface, leaning on his shoulder as he crosses his arms. It feels, somehow, wrong to both indulge her and step away. Maybe the panic in his system stops him from making any decisions right now, as he stands and lets her use him as a headrest.

“Hey, kids.” Han hums, looking between them as Ben finally notices his father's entrance. Rey pops her head up from Ben’s shoulder for good measure, which neatly solves his previous problem. “What did I miss?” He asks, making a face as Ben so graciously looks away _before_ rolling his eyes.

Leia pushes past him, with a medkit in hand, as Han gruffly mutters something about teenagers before walking off. She sets it on the counter as she starts speaking, her mouth moving a mile a minute and hardly giving either of the kids time to formulate responses. Ben tries his best not to snap back, biting his tongue for Reys sake as their big mutt Chewie sniffs at her feet.

He pushes the dog away with his palm, telling him to go away for a little while. Too many people in the kitchen right now. 

His mom asks about Plutt, about how far Rey walked. She asks if she’s cold, if she ate dinner, if she’s feeling lightheaded or ill. It all falls from her mouth before Rey can utter a single syllable in response, Ben noticing how she increasingly grows more nervous with every passing second. When Leia tells Han to go and fetch her phone, because she’s going to call the police, Ben finally speaks up before Rey starts sobbing again.

“Mom.” He barks, his voice a thousand times more demanding than hers with it’s newly deep lilt. It seems to get her to finally shut up, thankfully.

“What, Ben.” She sighs back, clearly agitated. Her voice is ice cold, as she digs through the medkit. It’s her work voice.

He motions to Rey, pulling a face as his mother scrunches her nose up at him. “Maybe we should ask _her_ what _she_ needs from _us_ , listen to her instead of _shoving opinions down her throat_.” 

He stops himself before he says anything he might regret, trying to be the sensible one here.

His mother concedes with a shake of her head, and a sigh, as she continues to mess with the unorganized medkit. Ben doesn’t think it’ll last very long, though. He needs to take advantage of this window of calm. 

He turns to Rey, licking his lips as he gentles himself for her. He calls her name, pulling her attention up to him as he sighs. Her eyes are all glazed over, she looks so _wrong_. This isn’t his Rey, this isn’t his best friend.

He needs to get her back, now.

“Rey, can you tell me what happened? I’m worried about you, what did Plutt do?” He hums, leaning down a little so they’re eye to eye.

She nods, eyes clearing up as she takes in a shaking breath.

“Plutt got angry because I left the stove on after I made myself dinner. I didn’t mean to, I swear, but he gets so angry sometimes and I got distracted. I- he-“ She bites her lip as her voice starts to shake, and Ben gives her all the time she needs to process. He would give her all the time in the world, if he could. 

“He grabbed me and put my hand on the burner, as some sick punishment or something. I ran as soon as he let go.”

Ben nods, sighing as he turns to his mother. He gives her a look that he hopes keeps her quiet, as she unravels a cotton bandage and he turns back to Rey. 

He tries to hide his horror, his anger, his _fear._

He pushes forward. 

“Has he done this before?” He hums, stomach dropping as she gently nods. She slowly pulls down the collar of Ben's jacket, revealing a bruised slip of skin right about where the sleeve of her tee ends.

It looks like a hand, like she was yanked by the arm. Ben grips the counter so tightly he’s worried he might break it. 

“Not like this.” She quietly murmurs, pulling her hand out of the water. She lets it drip from her scorched skin as Leia comes to her with a bandage, gently starting to dry and wrap as she stares. “He’s never done this before, I should have known it was only a matter of time.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Ben hums, hand reaching out for her before pulling it back. He bites his lip as they watch his mom work, expertly wrapping her hand. 

He focuses on the white cloth, the way Rey sucks in a breath that doesn’t release. 

Ben sighs, scratching his forehead. “I think we need to call the police in the morning, but right now I’d like it if you could try to get some sleep. It’s late, and you just _walked_ here in the dark. You’re probably exhausted and cold, would that be alright?” He sighs, not missing the way his mother stares at him in what he hopes is awe and not terror. 

In the back of Ben's mind he knows she’s never seen him in this state, because there are very few occasions when Leia sees these two together and they aren’t up to something. He hopes that maybe she sees how serious he’s taking this, how he _needs_ to take charge in this situation.

He takes a second to think, brain briefly fizzing out as he tries to come up with a plan.

“I’m a minor.” Rey finally whispers after a moment, because she is only seventeen. Her birthday is in early April, which means she’s trapped at Plutts until then. “You can’t call the police, it would be complicated. There would be social workers, and questioning. The school would probably get involved, and who knows if Plutt would even get in trouble. I don’t want to do that.”

She sighs, flexing her hand as Ben shakes his head. They can discuss this in the morning, but he wants to get someone involved here. He has to, because he’s not letting her step back into that man's, if he can even really call him a man’s, house. 

Leia sighs, searching her mind as Ben turns down to her. She takes a second to think in the kitchen, as crickets croak outside the kitchen window. “What about emancipation, Rey? Have you thought about that? Or even asking to be transferred again?”

Rey shakes her head, like she’s fiercely defending herself. Like she’s thought about this before, which Ben thinks she probably has. “Emancipation is tricky, I have to prove that I can be financially independent. I could try and get a part time job, and rent a room from someone, but with my AP classes and current workload…” She shakes her head. “I can’t risk it. I have to keep my grades up, scholarships are the only way I’ll be able to afford college.” 

Ben sighs, tapping his fingers along the counter as he thinks. “And Plutt is the only foster parent who covers her age range in this school district, so unless you want to transfer a month into the second semester senior year of high school…” He sighs, feeling her tug on his wrist with her good hand. She can’t leave, she can’t leave him. That would be too painful, for both of them.

She starts crying again, Leia rushing over and wiping her eyes with the towel Ben wetted. “Oh, honey.” She sighs, cooing to Rey as Ben paces. 

“I’ll be right back.” He huffs, stomping up the stairs to his room. He’s so angry, so pissed off that this is happening. 

He hears Leia call after him in frustration, “The staircase didn’t do anything wrong, Ben.” 

He makes no effort to quiet his footfalls.

Ben is furious that Rey didn’t tell him this was happening, that she didn’t trust him with this. It feels almost like betrayal, because he thought they told each other everything.

Well, almost everything. Clearly.

He quietly groans and rubs the bridge of his nose as he enters his room, slamming the door behind him as it rattles on its hinges. He’s so angry that someone would treat Rey like that, that someone would do that to her when she’s been nothing but kind, sweet, and gentle with him. She’s the type of girl who has butterflies land on her nose in the park, and birds on her windowsill. He thinks the world of her, and he’s angry that other people don’t see that.

Ben takes a deep breath, something that Rey taught him to do when he gets like this, and centers himself. He has to remember that he can be there for her right now, that he can do this for her _today_.

He quickly tries to clean up, throwing dirty laundry in his hamper and kicking a hat under his bed. He checks to make sure there’s nothing immediately embarrassing in sight, although it’s not like Rey doesn’t know almost every embarrassing fact about him, before grabbing a blanket and a spare pillow off of his bed.

He takes a moment to think, finally pulling out a pair of pajama pants and an old camp shirt for her. He throws them on the bed for good measure, because sleeping in jeans is the worst and he’s not about to let that happen. Not tonight, when she’s already been through so much.

The least he can do is try to make her comfortable, really.

He tries not to think of her sleeping in his bed, in his room, as he tromps back down the staircase. The way everything will smell like her when she leaves, and she’ll be wearing his clothes tonight.

Not like she doesn’t already steal his clothes, sometimes she borrows his sweatshirts. He doesn’t stop her, he couldn’t. They make her happy, and it’s hardly his place to take away a source of joy for someone who makes his every day so much better. That would be wrong.

She’s sitting in the living room when he comes back down, hunched on the side of the couch as Han paces in front of her. The murder mystery is still playing on tv, and Ben realizes that his mother is making tea in the kitchen as he pokes his head around the corner.

He drops his blanket and pillow on the couch, reaching his arms out for her. “Come on, get up.” He grunts, grabbing her forearms and pulling her up as gently as possible. “Bed’s all set up for you upstairs, want you to try and get some rest.” He sighs, starting to lead her up as Leia comes around the corner and hands her a mug of tea.

Rey mumbles in response, thanking her as she takes a sip and unconsciously drifts closer to Ben's side. He sets a hand on her shoulder, slowly starting to urge her up the staircase.

They get about halfway up, when Han shouts after them to “Keep the door open!” as Ben groans. 

Rey just snickers into her tea, because she knows exactly why that rule exists. He hates that she knows exactly why that rule exists.

“ _Dad!_ ” Ben calls back, feeling himself blush as Rey leans into his side. He wraps his arm around her, naturally finding their pace together. Two peas in a pod, the perfect pair.

He hates that she knows about the incident, when Jessika Pava invited herself over to study for a test and climbed into Ben's lap no longer than five minutes after her arrival. Ben gives her credit for being so forward, but unfortunately his obliviousness to her flirting and his nature to lose his tongue and freeze like a deer in headlights anytime anybody so much as _looks_ his way meant that his father walked in on quite the sight.

Not that anything had been happening, or was going to happen, but it became a whole thing. Ben blurted out that she wasn’t even his type, there was a whole discussion about sex ed, and that being gay was okay! His parents would support him no matter what!

Ben wanted to leap off the thin mortal coil that just barely tethers him to this world, it was the worst moment of his life.

Rey commiserated with him, let him scream into the woods with her.

He groans as she jabs him in the side with her elbow, and huffs as she sets her face against his bicep. She really does look tired, she was probably up studying before this whole thing happened.

She’s so smart, so clever. He loves how smart she is.

He gently pushes her forward into his room, keeping the door open as she sets the mug on his desk. She rubs her eyes as she yawns, skin and hair reflecting moonlight from his window.

And then her arms are wrapped around him again, and she’s breathing against his front and into his shirt. He holds her close as she rubs her face against him, like she’s using him to wipe away her tears. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ben wonders, trailing his hand up and down her spine as she shrugs against him. He sets his face in her hair as she breathes against his chest, not responding. “You scared me so much tonight, Rey. Please tell me when shit like this happens. I need to know you’re okay.”

She nods into his chest, and Ben breathes a sigh of deeply frustrated relief.

They hold each other for a moment longer, Rey curling into Ben's body as he protectively shelters her. “I’m not letting you go back in that house, by the way. I’ll drop by tomorrow with Finn and Poe after school, pick up your stuff, but I’m not letting you go back. That’s final.”

“ _Shit!_ ” She curses, pulling away from him in a panic. “My homework, my backpack. I need it for school, Ben, I-“

“Don’t think about that right now, please. This is more important.” He hums, grabbing her face between his palms as she whines. “Rey, I will take care of it. I’ve got you.” 

He softens his eyes, and she stomps her foot on the ground and crosses her arms in protest. 

He hugs her again, wrapping her tiny frame up in his limbs. “I love you, I trust you, please get some sleep.”

She nods against him, murmuring “I love you too,” into his body as his soul cracks in half.

She pulls away from him, hanging out by his bed. “I need to get changed.” She laughs, staring at the pajamas he left out for her. They’re not going to fit her, they both know, but Ben doesn’t exactly have anything else to give her.

“Yeah, yeah.” He hums, wringing his hands out as he steps back towards the door. “Goodnight, Rey.”

She quietly whispers back, “Night, Ben.” 

He shuts the door with a sigh, quietly coming down the stairs this time. He pauses about halfway down, listening to his parents as they speak and he tries to make sense of all this.

“He burned her hand, Han! We can’t let her go back to his place, what if he takes revenge on her for telling somebody what happened?”

Ben feels his blood go cold, as his parents communicate in hushed whispers.

“We can’t just take her in, _Leia_! We’ve got an eighteen year old boy in the house, and we both know the way they look at each other is more than friendly.”

The way- Rey looks at him? What?

“Well I’m not just letting her go out on the street! She came to Ben first, she obviously trusts him. And you should have seen the way he spoke to her, he never acts like that around anyone else! Our son is bettered by that girl, and I am not about to let my future daughter-in-law-“

“Well, I don’t want our son knocking up our fut-“

Ben stomps down the stairs, making sure his parents hear him before he comes around the corner. 

“Rey is asleep.” He grunts, pulling his phone out of his back pocket and placing it on the coffee table before he sits down on the couch. He sighs as he runs his hands through his hair, hearing his father clear his throat as Ben tries to distract himself and focus on the tv.

It looks like this particular show is in the Bahamas. On an island, with white sand and teal waves. Ben wishes he could be on that island right now, and not in his living room stressing about this very scary situation. Why didn’t Rey tell him?

“We’re talking about this later.” His mother huffs, pointing an accusing finger at his father as he grumbles off and heads back to their bedroom. Ben doesn’t even look up, trying to process everything that just happened.

Plutt has been hurting Rey, and she hid it from him. She didn’t tell him, and he doesn’t understand why she didn’t tell him. Does she not trust him?

Ben falls back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling as he groans and rubs his eyes. He sighs as his mother sits down across the room, eyes focused on the tv in silence. Neither of them are really paying attention to the show, he knows. It’s just to fill up silence.

They don’t talk to each other, just letting the noise of the tv fill the space as Ben sits up and grabs his pillow. He fluffs it, rolling to face the back of the couch as he drags the too small blanket up and over his body. It’s a tight fit, he is too tall and the couch is too short, but he makes it work for Reys sake.

He hears his mother get up after a moment, listens to her walk down the hallway and open the closet. She comes back, and Ben feels heavy fabric fall over his body. 

It’s his old blue comforter, from when he had the twin bed before he had that growth spurt in middle school and had to get a full instead. It still doesn’t fit him, but it’s better than nothing.

She pats his shoulder, squeezing his arm before turning off the tv and shutting off all of the lights.

She doesn’t say anything to him, as Ben wraps his arms around himself and tries not to worry about Rey.


	4. 4

Rey wakes up to something clattering nearby, and a low “ _Shit”_ being uttered from across the room. She quickly realizes this isn’t where she normally wakes up, as she blinks and tries to gain her bearings with a long stretch. The light is coming in through the wrong window, and her normal walls aren’t a navy blue. Where is she again?

A Ben shaped blob curses, as another wooden hanger falls from his open closet and onto his foot. Oh, she’s in Ben's room. That’s Ben. 

That’s right, she came here last night and he gave her his bed.

Mmm, Ben.

He turns to her, and she realizes she might have said that aloud as a boyish smile takes over his face. She pulls up his blankets to her chest, whining as she stretches her arm towards him. Her brain is reduced to mush this early in the morning, and the primal part of her that just wants cuddles sees that Ben is the closest and comfiest warm body.

He looks all sleepy as he comes to her, hair sticking up all over the place, and she scoots so he can sit on the edge of the bed. He must have just woken up.

She wants to memorize the way he looks in the morning, all cute and scruffy.

“Hey.” He hums, pushing back her hair from her face as she stretches and squeaks. She feels his warm fingers on her cheek, tucking a curl behind her ear as she flutters her eyes shut and smiles.

She squeaks back a hello, burying her face into a dark pillow that smells like him. She smiles, her Ben.

“Mom called Principal Holdo, by the way. Told her what happened. You don’t have to go today, if you don’t want to.” He hums, soothingly continuing to rub her cheek with his thumb. “It would be a good idea to stay home, I think.”

“I should go.” She murmurs, her voice not as determined or convincing as she was hoping it would sound. She doesn’t even convince herself, to be honest.

Ben sighs, rubbing her back as she whines. Shit, that feels good. “I think you should rest, actually.” He hums, placing two firm pats on her back as she pouts and he chuckles. His big hand goes back to rubbing circles on her spine after a moment, to her relief. She doesn’t want special treatment or anything, she just wants to be _normal_.

Although, a big part of her brain knows that this is anything but.

He sighs, and she feels his hands leave her. She finds it in herself to actually _miss_ him. “Sorry I woke you by the way, just needed to grab clothes.” He whispers, lingering for a moment before standing up. He sighs and shuffles a little, although Rey isn’t sure what he’s doing.

He waits a moment longer, before leaning down and kissing her temple. “Plus, I’ve seen your handwriting. It’s illegible even when your dominant hand _isn’t_ covered in bandages.” He teases, quickly making his way out of his room and into the nearby bathroom.

Rey curls up tighter on his bed, pulling his blanket up over her chin as she blushes and keeps her eyes shut. She wraps her arms around herself, trying to process what just happened. 

She laughs into the comforter, suddenly giddy beyond belief, because there is no way in hell Ben Solo just kissed her forehead, in his own bed, and left without another word.

She laughs to herself, totally out of her comfort zone here. Ben is such a _nerd_ . He can be so fucking silly sometimes, it’s _adorable-_

Oh, oh _no_.

That can’t be good.

Rey’s eyes snap open, as she stares at the wall and huddles tighter under the blankets.

Well, that isn’t great.

//☆//

Ben texts her at some point in the morning, some time after second period, that he’s come up with a master plan for getting her stuff back from Plutt. She doesn’t see it until she wakes up from her second sleep, sometime around ten thirty that morning.

**Sorry if im waking you up, but I just got poe and Finn on board for tonight**

**We’ll drop by plutts right after school, im going to get poe over the fence and he’s going o climb in through the back porch.**

**You said theres a key under the back mat, right? And he usually isn’t back until night?**

**we’re taking my car and Finns, btw. Think that’ll be enough room for everything? Is there anything special you need me to grab?**

**Also, don’t tell my mother. She doesn’t need to know about this until after it’s happened**

**Also if you haven’t eaten yet please eat something. I don’t know whos at home right now but please feel free to raid the fridge. You know where the mini microwave pizzas are.**

There's a little gap in the conversation, and when Rey checks the times the messages were sent she sees that this one was sent about thirty minutes after the last.

**Please text me when you wake up, im still worried about you**

She just stares at the barrage of messages, feeling her chest bloom into a thousand warm flowers. Her whole body goes fuzzy with emotion as she sighs at his messages. Ben is so sweet, so sweet with _her_. She’s not going to eat the Solos food, she’s already intruded too much, but she does need to get up. She can’t spend all day in bed.

She texts him back, quickly answering his questions and reassuring him that she’s fine. She knows he’s risking losing his phone to talk to her, although she doubts Principal Holdo would confiscate it from him today. Especially if he told her he was checking up on Rey.

Her and Leia are old friends, they went to college together back in the late eighties. Ben hates it, but Rey knows that it has its perks.

Such as not having his phone confiscated when he inevitably gets caught texting her in the middle of class.

Also, she definitely made sure Rey and Ben shared most of their classes together at the beginning of the year. What can she say, they make a good team.

She gets up from his bed once she feels like she’s gained full control of her limbs, stretching and stumbling over to his black desk. Her hand doesn’t feel much better, a constant stinging across her palm and fingers, and she sighs as she tries to check her appearance in the mirror next to the door.

She looks like a mess, hair tangled and Bens pants near falling off her hips. She’s swimming in his clothes, everything too long and baggy.

When she takes off the pants, she realizes that Ben's shirt still smells like him. And it’s a lot softer than hers.

It also looks like a fucking dress, this is absurd.

She keeps it on, slipping her bra on underneath with only _some_ difficulty and pulling her jeans on from the night before as well. She uses his hairbrush, because of course he has the nicer hair brush, and starts making her way down the stairs. It takes twice as long as usual, and Rey curses every time she has to use her hurt hand to get herself ready, but she does it. Her independence has been stripped from her, in the worst possible way, but she does it anyways.

She freezes when she gets into the living room, and Leia and Han are staring at a pile of papers and a laptop on the dining room table. She knows they should be at work, Leia at her firm and Han at the garage, and she doesn’t like the fact they’re both still home.

Chewie walks up to her, big lumbering footsteps on the hardwood. She has no idea how that dog sees with so much hair.

He drools on her foot as he sniffs her legs, obviously curious as to why she’s still here.

Leia sees her first, dark glasses perched on her nose before Rey can run back up to Ben's room. “Rey! You’re awake! I was just about to come check on you, was worried you’d died or something.” She sighs, going back to scrolling through her computer.

Rey just stares, uneasily smiling as Han rubs his chin and looks over Leia’s shoulder. He’s got his own reading glasses on, as she rocks on her feet.

She has no clue what to do here.

“There’s leftovers in the fridge, if you’re hungry.” Leia sighs, tapping her keyboard. “You know where the plates are, just don’t let that damn dog jump up on the counter.”

Rey nods, her need for food finally overcoming her need to stay hidden. She can encroach on the Solo’s kindness a little more, she hopes.

She keeps one eye on the couple, though, as she hunts for something to eat.

This is weird, like, super weird. Right?

//☆//

“So, Rey is currently hiding at your house.” Poe hums, Ben nodding as he takes a turn.

Thank god Poe had the good sense to ask his mom for boxes from their last move, now stacked with Rey's stuff in the backseat of Ben’s restored mustang. The transfer had gone easy, a neighbor even helping them get her stuff into Finn and Ben’s cars when they realized what was happening.

Apparently it is well known by the community that Plutt isn’t exactly the nicest man, and they didn’t seem surprised to find the three teenagers carrying her stuff to their cars. If anything, she looked like she had been expecting it.

The neighbor said Rey was a good kid, and recognized Ben's car from his morning school pickups. They didn’t have any trouble, not really. It went surprisingly well.

Ben sighs, trying to check if Finn is following in his Prius before remembering that the back window is currently blocked by a stack of stuffed moving boxes. They stripped near everything from her room, Plutt has nothing of hers left in his house. Poe even unscrewed the lightbulbs, grinch who stole Christmas style.

Rey has nothing to go back to anyways, Ben wanted that house scrubbed of her existence.

He turns to Poe, knowing that he’s grinning like an absolute fool, “Yep, until further notice Rey is hiding at my place.” He hums, as they take another turn, suddenly feeling weightless with this revelation. “One Rey Niima, hiding at my house.”

Poe just stares at him, finally laughing after a moment. “Holy shit, I don’t ever think I’ve seen you this happy.” He laughs, leaning his head against the window as Ben shrugs. Ben does feel happier than he has been in a long time, because his best friend Rey is going to be staying in the same house as him for awhile. She’s going to be safer now, he’s going to get to spend more time with her...

Temporarily, he reminds himself. This is only temporary. Until she decides what’s next, this is temporary.

He clears his throat, as Poe shuffles the playlist on his phone. “You’re gonna fucking die, dude. I don’t know how you’re gonna survive this.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Ben grumbles, glancing at Poe from the driver's seat.

Poe laughs a little more, shaking his head like the answer is obvious to everyone other than Ben, “I’m texting Finn, by the way. Telling him about how you’re living with the crush you’ve had since she first smashed your nuts freshman year.”

“Okay, do we _have_ to talk about that every single time you bring up my feelings for Rey? You know she’ll never see me the same way, and quite frankly-“

Poe just laughs some more, whispering a “Whatever, man.” As Ben huffs and continues driving.

He doesn’t know why he’s friends with Poe Dameron.

//☆//

Poe gets out of the car the same time Finn does, pointing at his phone and roaring in laughter as Finn finishes reading the messages. Ben took the driveway, and Finn is out on the street.

“Oh my god! You can’t say that!” Finn shouts, as Ben pulls down his seat to access the back of his car. He starts pulling out boxes as he scoffs, Finn sending something back to Poe as the two laugh to each other a point like tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum.

Poe starts wheezing he laughs so hard, Finn crying as he goes to grab his own box, when Rey comes out the front door. “Peanut!” She shouts, launching herself down the stairs as Finn throws his hands in the air, box forgotten. 

The two of them have been friends since diapers, growing up in the same foster system. Rey was put in the same house as him for a while, when they were really young, before they got split up around the time they were three.

Finn was adopted by his second foster family, Rey wasn’t.

“Peanut!” Finn shouts back, running and meeting her halfway up the walk to the house. They do some complicated secret handshake that Ben is convinced changes every time they see each other, although this time it’s because Rey is only doing it with one hand. 

Once they’re done, ending with exploding fist bumps, Finn sighs and grabs her forearm. “Let me see the damage, I need to know how badly I need to fuck this guys day up.” He hums, earning a small snort from Rey

“Finn-“ She begins, Ben already walking up the concrete pathway to the house as Poe goes to see how gnarly it is. Of course he would care about the gross aspect, Ben shouldn’t be surprised. He’s always been kind of… like that.

He’s the reason Finn and Rey aren’t _best_ best friends anymore, because she says she always feels kind of like a third wheel around them. She knows they don’t mean to, she’s just not interested in keeping up with their gross humor sometimes.

She says Ben makes her feel important, he says it’s because she is important.

He sighs and shakes his head as he walks past them, adjusting a box under his arm as the three chatter to themselves. Rey starts unwrapping her hand as he climbs the staircase, ducking into the house and dropping the first box by the entry.

One down, seven to go.

He sighs, as he turns to his parents. They’re both kind of staring at him from the dining room, three stacks of paper and the printer still humming beside them. His mom turns to look out the window, instructing him to shut the door behind him before Rey gets back inside. Ben notes that she’s whispering.

He nods, shutting it with a decent amount of suspicion. “Nobody died, right.” He clarifies, staring between his parents as his mother just gives him a flat look. 

He puts his hands in the air, as she crosses her arms and looks down at the paper. “No, _Ben_ . Nobody _died_. Your father and I wanted to offer Rey guardianship, not an official adoption or anything, but a legal guardianship until she turns eighteen. We wanted to run it by you before we asked her.”

Ben freezes, crossing his arms as he takes a second to process. Leia continues, “There will be interviews, and maybe a house visit, but it’s the fastest way to get her out of Plutts house. Lord knows we don’t use the den-“

“Yeah, yeah.” Ben hums, shifting his weight and thinking. “Yeah, I want her here. She needs somewhere to stay and we have the room, it makes sense.”

“You sure, kid?” Han asks, mirroring Ben and crossing his arms. “It’s a big deal, means she’ll be staying here for a while. You won’t get as much attention-“

“Dad, trust me, it’s fine.” Ben sighs, trying to keep his face neutral. That doesn’t bother him, the idea that his father still thinks he needs _attention_ as a grown ass adult who never got much from him before, on the other hand, does.

He moves to the door, as Leia calls after him. “I’d like you to tell her, Ben. So it doesn’t come from us, so she knows _all_ of us want her here.” She sighs, as Ben heads out the front door.

“I’ll tell her after dinner, once we’re finished getting her stuff upstairs.”

“Alright- Wait, her _what_ ?” His mother asks, standing up and following him out the door as he all but runs away from his suddenly furious mom. _Shit_.


	5. 5

“This is delicious, thank you Mrs. Solo.” Poe hums through a mouthful of pasta, Leia still shooting daggers into Ben with her eyes every five seconds.

“No problem, Poe, it was the least we could do after you helped our son  _ commit a crime _ .”

Ben drops his fork on his plate, turning to Rey. It wasn’t an actual crime, they didn’t steal anything that didn’t already belong to her. They left the house as is, no vandalism either. As far as anyone has to know, Rey was with them. She gave them permission to get her stuff, they were just helping her move. 

Yes, they could have waited to do it legally, but Ben Solo is not a particularly patient man.

“Rey, there’s one more thing in the car. Could you help?” He hums, watching as she eagerly nods and follows him out the front door. She has to speed walk to keep up with him, grabbing his right hand with her left in an attempt to slow him down as they step down from the porch.

“Stop walking so fast, I don’t have my stilts.” She teases, Ben automatically checking his pace and walking a little slower so she can keep up. He waits for her, soft amber light cast over the front lawn from the dining room window, as she wanders with him to his car. She tightens her jacket around her body, Ben squeezing her hand as she shivers. It’s cold out again. “Do you actually have something in the car for me, or did you just need to get out of the house?” She asks, smiling as Ben shrugs.

She always sees right through him.

“Kind of?” He hums, leaning back against the passenger side door of his car as Rey kicks at the cracked concrete in front of him. It’s got weeds growing out of it, splitting the concrete further.

She drifts a little closer, Ben tucking his hands in his pockets so he won’t touch her despite all of his worst instincts. 

They look up to the stars together, and Ben wonders how they aligned for this to happen. For him to get to meet Rey in the first place was a miracle, for them to have this time together is nothing short of the impossible. 

“My parents want to offer you guardianship, until you turn eighteen or move out. We have room, and you practically live here anyways. I don’t want you going back to Plutts, and I sure as hell don’t want you changing schools because I won’t be able to pass AP Calc without you-“

“Really?” 

Ben looks down at Rey, and he realizes she’s shaking. Is it from the cold or not? He can’t tell.

He nods, uncertain if she wants him to hug her or what. He’s not going to move if she doesn’t want him to.

“You want me, to live with you?”

Ben nods, and he watches Rey just stare at him in unabashed shock. She launches herself forward after a long moment, headfirst towards Ben's torso, and he just barely manages to pull his hands out of his pockets before she grapples herself up his body and into his arms. “Jesus fucking- christ, Rey.” He gasps, feeling her wrap her legs around his torso and nearly choke him with her grip. She’s not exactly heavy, but she’s  _ strong _ .

“Shut up, just, shut up Ben.” She breathes, voice breaking as he feels wet tears land on his neck. He grins into her shoulder as she digs her fingers into his hair, feeling her hands shake against him. Okay, good, she’s happy.

They stay like that for a second, Ben giving Rey a moment to catch her breath as he holds her in his arms and waits for her to calm down.

“I know it isn’t an adoption or anything,” she hums, voice quiet and cracking a little, “and I know it legally won’t change much, but I never thought this would happen. I’m gonna have a family, a home, and it’s gonna be with you, and your parents. And a dog! I’ve never had a dog before! I’m gonna live in a house with a dog!”

She pulls away, still in Ben's arms, as she stares at him and grins. She’s crying, but beaming from ear to ear as she sniffles and rubs at her eyes with the back of her bandaged hand. 

Ben doesn’t think he’s ever seen her this happy. It makes him  _ so happy. _

He realizes he’s excited to have her around.

“I’ve never had a home, Ben.” She sighs, voice cracking as she wipes under her nose with the back of her hand. He waits as she takes a deep breath, pulling herself together and wrapping her arms around his neck. Ben notes how gentle she is with her hurt palm, how she barely touches him even with the bandages.

She continues to cry, words spilling out of her mouth as Ben does his best to support her and simply be what she needs right now. He hopes this will be enough. He hopes he will be enough.

“I’ve never known for sure that I was going to sleep in the same bed as the one I woke up in.” She bitterly laughs, as he adjusts his grip on her. He’s still holding her up, keeping her against his chest as she leans forward and hugs him. “I’ve never known. Nobody has ever wanted me around before. I-I don’t know what to say.  _ Thank you. _ ”

She licks her lips, furrowing her brow at him as she squeezes his face between her hands and pulls away. Ben swears he can feel her heartbeat in her wrists, the frantic pounding in her chest shaking her entire body. “Are you sure you want me here? This isn’t a pity thing, right? You actually want me to stay? Because I don’t want-”

He nods. Ben wants her to know. Ben wants her around. Ben could want nothing more than having Rey around right now.

He watches as her eyes scan his face, before meeting his again. “I love you so much. You know that, right?” She sighs, leaning against him as he nestles his face against hers. “Thank you, for doing this. I love you. I love you so, so much.”

“I love you too.” He sighs back, ignoring the way his voice cracks and his heart does too. Because he really loves her, he  _ really _ loves her.

Ben holds her in the dark, nestling his face in her shoulder as she cries, because for the first time in her life, Rey Niima has somewhere to go home to. 

Ben didn’t know he could give her this.


	6. 6

“This is ridiculous.” Ben groans, sorting through boxes with Rey. She slept in his bed again last night, because he wasn’t about to let her sleep on the couch when she has a test to catch up on, but she can’t find any of her jackets and it is a very cold day out. They aren’t leaving until they find her a jacket or something.

She digs through another box, emptying the contents on the floor in the den. It’s a bunch of shorts, some books. “I didn’t pack these boxes, Ben! You tell me where my blue jacket is!”

“The one with the buttercup on the front pocket?”

“Yes!”

“Haven’t seen it.”

She groans, and moves to another box as Ben does the same. He pulls open the top, and starts pulling out… his hoodies? What the fuck?

He stares at them for a moment, starting to pull them out and lay them in the crook of his elbow. He hasn’t seen some of these for years. He knew she liked to poach his clothes, but he didn’t know she had this many. 

“Rey, why is there a box with just my sweatshirts in it?” He hums, counting them as she pokes her head up from the box she’s currently sorting through. The room is an irrecoverable mess, they’re never going to get this cleaned up.

“I have a couple of them, you probably left them with me or something.”

Ben makes a face at her, as he starts counting them. “One, two, three, four, five…” He sets them down on the floor, bending down to pull more out of the box. Some of these don’t even fit him anymore, Rey must have stolen them when he was a freshman or something. “Six, seven, eight? Why do you have so  _ many _ ?” He stares at them in shock, reunited with his own clothing.

What the  _ fuck _ ?

When he gets to the bottom of the box he just stands up, holding all eight hoodies in shock. He holds up one in particular, once he recognizes the logo. “You’re a dirty thief, I’ve been looking for this one since last spring. It’s my favorite hoodie, and you’re a fucking  _ thief _ .”

Rey leaps forward, grabbing said black hoodie from his grasp and slipping it over her head as she wiggles around the room like a worm with two left feet. Ben helps her pull it down when she gets lost in the fabric, pushing the sleeves up and fixing the hood for her after her head pops out.

“I think it looks better on me.” She hums, picking up her bag and dragging him down the stairs as he groans. She’s right, it does look better on her. 

Fucking hell.

//☆//

They are late to class, although for once it isn’t Ben's fault.

Or Rey’s, for that matter. 

It turns out Principal Holdo needed to talk to her first, and Ben saw the familiar face of Phasma, the social worker frequently assigned to Rey’s case, in the room as well. It seems they have something to talk about, and Ben can probably guess what.

His hands are itching to go and hold her hand, let her know everything is okay. He doesn’t want her to face this alone, she’s already been through  _ so _ much. 

Rey told him just to go to class, that he shouldn’t worry about her, that she’ll catch up later. Holdo wrote him a late pass and said it was okay if he wanted to wait in the hallway for her, if he felt more comfortable walking in late with her he could stay.

So he did.

Now Ben is stuck tapping his foot on the tile floor and waiting, ears trying to catch anything he can through the closed office door.

Admittedly, he doesn’t get much.

But Holdo eventually comes out of the office, quietly shutting the door behind her as he wrings out his hands and cracks his knuckles. He doesn’t know how to talk to adults, despite legally being one, and so the two hang in awkward silence for a moment. 

Holdo hums in thought, green heels clicking loudly against the linoleum tile in front of him. He keeps his eyes focused on the ground, as he tries not to crack his knuckles too loudly in response.

Too big, too loud. It’s in moments like these he’s reminded that he doesn’t exactly fit the look of a teenager anymore. That he isn’t a kid, that this isn’t a game any longer. He feels wrong in his body when he walks down the hallways, surrounded by people who are shorter and younger than him. He feels off, too old to be a teenager and too young to be an adult.

He only feels right when he’s with Rey, these days. She makes him feel right.

Holdo clicks her tongue, and Ben looks up because it is instinct to  _ look up _ . She looks kindly down at him, and although that isn’t uncommon for her, Ben knows he isn’t always on the receiving end of those looks. He takes them where he can get them.

He exhales, a breath he didn’t know he was holding slipping between his lips.

“Rey came to you when she needed help.” She hums, sitting down next to him on the bench as he nods. “She said you were the first person she thought of, and that you did a really good job in an emergency.” She sighs, as he remains hunched forward. “She’s really lucky she has you, Ben.”

He shrugs, continuing to play with his hands. Holdo has that switched, he’s lucky to have her. She keeps him focused, she keeps him calm. Without her, he doesn’t know where he would be. 

He doesn’t like to think about it too much.

“Hey.” She hums, as Ben looks up at her. “I’m really proud of you. I know your parents are too, you’re being a really supportive friend.”

Ben nods, he’s doing his best.

His head snaps to his left as the doorknob twists, Phasma giving him a curt but serious nod before heading off. Ben stands up as Rey follows her out, eyes a little pink around the edges and still sniffling a little. 

She hugs him before he can even find his balance, arms wrapping tight around his torso. “You good?” He hums, as she mumbles a quiet but firm yes into his chest.

At least, he thinks it’s a yes. He wonders what the hell happened in there.

“I’ll go and get you a late pass, Rey. Wait here a second.” Holdo hums, slipping back into the office as Ben tentatively brings a hand up to wipe her face. His thumb lingers under her eye, and she leans into his touch.

“Everything’s good.” She sighs, shoulders relaxing as Ben feels her tuck her hands into the front of his own sweatshirt pocket. “Everything’s fine.” She hums, placing her forehead against his chest as he holds his hands out and away from her hips. He doesn’t know what is appropriate here. “Gwen took photos of the bruise and the burn. Said she’s going to make sure Plutt gets investigated, a restraining order is filed against him, and she’s going to work with Leia to expedite my case as soon as she gets back to the courthouse and your mom files those papers.”

Ben nods, breathing a sigh of relief. “Good.” He hums, setting his cheek against her temple. “You still good to go to class? Ready to face the world?”

“With you?” She hums, looking up at him as she grins. “Always.”


	7. 7

Classes are… a lot.

Granted, they always are, but it’s just a little bit more so today with a bandaged hand and a guard dog of a Solo following her every move.

The first thing that happens, when she and Ben walk into their first period class half an hour late, are sixteen eyes on her and Ben. Maz, their batshit crazy psych teacher, shouts “She lives!” As Ben grabs her shoulders and leads her to their seats at the back of the room. It wasn’t a great way to start the morning, when all she wanted to do was hide for a while and generally keep her head down. 

She wants to avoid attention today, really.

Then Rose, the sweet girl who sits next to her and who she has considered a pretty close friend recently, asks about her hand. “Tried to use a curling iron,” Rey sighs, tucking it in the pocket of her sweatshirt as she shrugs like it’s no big deal, “thought it was cooled down, and ended up burning my hand instead. Stupid mistake.”

Rose makes a sound of pity, and Ben grabs her other hand under the desk. He scoots a little closer to her as he squeezes, dropping her palm after and pretending like he needed to adjust his seat so he could have his textbook open and his notes at the same time. 

“Do you need someone to take notes?” Rose asks, “Can’t be comfortable to write, right now.” She hums, tilting her head at Rey in innocent curiosity.

“I’ve got it.” Ben huffs, already dating the page and trying to catch what’s written on the board. Rey rolls her eyes and nods at Rose, who laughs under her breath. They’ve already missed thirty minutes of class, Ben’s going to need notes too. He seems to forget that fact.

“That would be great, thank you.” Rey sighs, reaching into her bag and pulling out her textbook to follow along. She can keep up, she just has to figure out what the hell Maz is currently talking about.

Rey can already tell this is going to be a long fucking day.

//☆//

Rose walks with them on the way to their next class, and Rey can feel Ben hovering over her shoulder. They usually end up walking close, that’s just how it is in a busy hallway, but their arms bump more than usual and Ben just seems more… alert than he regularly is. Like he’s on guard, her shield of armor in an ocean of nonexistent threats. 

Or, at least, ones she doesn’t see.

She looks up at him, as Rose talks about her sister Paige. Apparently she got a rabbit a couple years before she left for college, and now it’s a whole thing because Rose has gotten attached to the rabbit but her sister now has an apartment that allows pets…

Rey listens with some interest, more in her own mind than anything else, when she hears two familiar boys shouting down the hallway.

Finn and Poe, pumping their fists and beating their chests. Oh, christ. Why is she friends with these two again? “Our girl lives!” Poe shouts, with no apparent regard for anybody who could overhear them. 

A couple lowerclassmen jump out of the way, giggling as the boys continue to holler. She loves these two, but they drive her crazy sometimes. Even Ben, who lightly chuckles at the sources of her obvious discomfort, is making her question the validity of her own existence right now.

She supposes she should count her blessings, the fact that she has multiple friends who love her like this. “Stop it!” She finally shouts back, groaning as they quiet. 

Rose introduces herself to them as Ben heads into the classroom with Rey's backpack, which he insisted he carry for her. Finn mentions seeing Rey’s new friend around with a blonde girl. He recognizes her instantly, because of course he does.

“Oh! That’s Kaydel. We’ve got AP Bio together.” Rose chirps, grinning a megawatt smile as he nods. Rey could swear he’s blushing a little, although it’s not like she can tell all that well.

A weird moment passes, and Poe finally speaks up for Finn. Always the delegator. “Hey, we were thinking of heading off campus to celebrate Rey's freedom during lunch. Would you and Kaydel want to join us?” He hums, gently nudging Finn in the ribs. Finn squawks in response to the elbow suddenly being shoved against his side.

They are the least inconspicuous boys in the universe, really. 

“Yeah! Take advantage of off campus privileges, you know.” Finn hums, as Rose blinks at them. This is news to Rey as well, she didn’t know the boys wanted to do this today. 

Not that she would object, really.

Rose nods after a moment, taking a second to think it over. Rey knows what she’s doing, evaluating risk and benefit. If she hadn’t been there, as the patented girl, she doubts Rose would even consider the offer. 

To her surprise, she grins after a moment. “I’d love to! I’ll ask Kay during our next class. Do you guys park on campus?”

Finn nods, “Yeah, I’m in lot two. Spot one-eight-seven.”

Rey shakes her head, speaking up. “Ben has a bigger car, if we’re going to be shoving six of us in a vehicle we should take the TIE.” 

Finn groans, because he loves to drive his fancy little Prius, but the rest of the group seems to agree that might be best. Poe starts scheming, as Rey turns to look at Ben.

She watches as he talks to one of the other students and unpacks his English materials. Now she just has to convince him to shove six smelly teenagers into his prized possession. That’ll be fun.

He’s going to be so mad at her.

//☆//

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this.” Ben grumbles, wrapping an arm around Rey's back as she does the same for him. They’ve been very touchy today, she’s noticed, although she’s not complaining. And, well, she’s not going to stop him.

If anything, she’s grateful. Ben is protecting her, never straying too far or for too long. He walked her to her locker, even though it was way out of his way, and has been the least resistant to her bad ideas that she’s ever seen him. Like, piling a bunch of people into his car in a most illegal fashion.

“We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Rey hums, leaning into his side as they make their way to the parking lot. Ben shrugs, as she clutches her English homework to her chest.

She’s hoping to finish this book by the end of lunch, because she knows with the catch up work she has to do from yesterday she isn’t going to sleep much tonight. It’ll be good if she can get a head start, and some help from Ben. 

She is so lucky she has someone like him in her life, that she isn’t doing this alone. 

He keeps his eyes focused ahead as they walk through the parking lot, trying to avoid getting hit by cars on their way out for the lunch hour. “No, I- I want to. I want to do this for you. I think it’ll be fun.”

Rey pulls away from him, making a face as he turns down to her. “Fun?” She snorts, as Ben shrugs. Ben Solo is nearly incapable of fun, his idea of ‘letting loose’ is going out to the movies a little too late.

She shakes her head as he shoots a small smile at her, that makes her heart do a funny little skip. She slips out from under his arm before she can let that thought linger, waving to Poe, Finn, Rose, and a blonde girl who must be Kaydel. They’re all together, standing around Ben’s car and talking as Finn leans against the trunk like he owns the damn thing. 

It’s an old mustang shell that Rey and Han cobbled together with spare parts for Ben's eighteenth birthday. It took them all summer to get it together, while Ben was doing college tours with Leia. They spent days and nights working in Han's garage trying, and mostly failing, to get it started. Rey can tell you about every single nut and bolt in that car, she knows it better than Ben does.

They got it running the week before he got back, and now it’s the most recognizable car in the entire parking lot. You can see the glossy black silhouette from a mile away.

His mother, for the record, hates it.

“So you’re the one who owns the mustang!” Kaydel calls, pointing at Ben as she gasps. He just nods in response, turning to Rey and smiling. She doesn’t know why this is having such a strong effect on her, but she suddenly realizes how much she loves his smile.

She fucking _loves_ his smile.

“You want shotgun?” He hums, Rey already wandering to the passenger side on instict. 

She nods, and Ben unlocks the car as she pulls the door open and the seat down. Only downside to this thing, no back door.

He turns back to the other four, “You guys are going to have to squeeze in the back, it’s going to be a tight fit.”

Kaydel nods with steely eyed determination, Rose already pulling her by the hand and into the back. Finn tips an invisible hat to Rey as Kaydel starts spouting off questions about the car to Ben, who just answers in as few words as possible as Poe crawls in last.

They make it work, Kaydel perched on Rose's thigh and legs thrown across the boys' legs. It is ridiculous, really. The whole situation is. Rey is struck by how clown-car like the predicament is. They really should just take two cars.

Nevertheless, she makes sure everybody moves their feet as Ben climbs into the drivers side and she brings the seat back up. She scoots in next to Ben as Kaydel asks how he got his hands on this car in the first place, and he turns to Rey as he twists his key in the ignition. “My dad owns the vintage repair shop a little south of downtown, by the bay. He and Rey built the TIE for my eighteenth.” It’s his dream car, Rey knows Ben has had a thing for vintage since he was a little kid. His dad always promised to build him one, just like his Falcon, and he finally held up his end of the bargain. With a kick in the pants from Rey, of course.

But she won’t tell Ben that. He doesn’t need to know.

Kaydel turns to Rey in shock as she hums in affirmation, messing with the radio and plugging in her phone to the custom aux cord as she smiles at Ben. “I owed Han one for teaching me to drive when I was fifteen, it was a fun project.”

Ben pulls out of the parking lot, starting to drive towards where most of the kids stop for lunch as the chatter behind them slows. “We have to choose where we’re going to go.” He mumbles, five voices suddenly very interested in the current direction of the car.

“McDonalds!” Poe yells from the backseat, shaking Finn's shoulder as he laughs. The whole car starts chanting “McDonald’s! McDonald’s!” As Ben groans and Rey giggles. 

“We are not getting McDonald’s!” Ben shouts back, Rey watching as his whole face twists in disgust. She knows exactly what he’s about to say.

“Their chicken nuggets are made from pink paste and corn, and we all know it!” He protests, holding one hand in the air and shaking his finger as she giggles. She watches as he smiles, and she speaks with him when he continues his tirade. She even lowers her voice, trying to emulate his accent and tone. “They pump their chickens-“

“Full of antibiotics and don’t practice sustainable farming.” She finishes, grinning as the backseat erupts into laughter and she shuffles her playlist.

Ben glares at her as they pull up to a stop sign, “I fucking despise you.” He chuckles, as she reaches out and pats his shoulder. 

“I love you too.” She sweetly hums, as he shakes his head and starts driving again. Rey can hear Rose and Kaydel giggling in the back, clearly not numb to the way Ben and Rey tease each other constantly. Yet.

Perhaps, if Rey was more aware, she would know it was really flirting. 

“Why do you call it the TIE anyways?” Kaydel hums, Rey looking back and watching as she scrolls through her phone. “Is it because it’s customized, so it isn’t technically a mustang?”

Ben shrugs, focused on the road as Rey turns back to him. “Eh, kind of? My dad names all of the cars that come out of his shop. His is the Millenium Falcon, and my mom's car, even though it isn’t one of his creations, is the Dawn of Tranquility…”

“TIE stands for Temperance in Equilibrium.” Rey sighs, smiling as Ben grins. It’s such a nerdy response, for a nerdy name. “Two halves a whole, balancing each other out. You were going through a buddhism phase when you named her, you liked the idea of balance and yin and yang.”

He shrugs, smiling at her as he continues to drive. “It’s a good name, I think. I like the idea of balance, good and bad working in harmony. Two halves of a whole. A dyad, binary stars, that kind of shit.”

Rey just shakes her head, mindlessly pulling at his sleeve as the rest of the car descends into conversation about what’s on some girl's instagram story. Not really drama, just gossip.

“I think we should get In and Out.” Rey hums, tucking her fingers under his sleeve as he smiles. She runs her fingers over his wrist, feeling his warm skin and his pulse. His ears go pink as he nods, Rey grinning as he sighs in defeat.

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.” He hums, shifting his hand so her palm is cupped in his.

She intertwines their fingers, squeezing his hand as he smiles.


	8. 8

They just barely make it to In and Out in one piece, Poe tripping and landing on his face in the parking lot as he hurriedly gets out of the car.

Kaydel got it on video, thank god, and while they wait in line to order she plays it on repeat to make sure everyone gets a chance to watch his failure. Poe is fine, only his ego is bruised, but every time the smack of skin on concrete plays from her phone, whoever is watching over her shoulder winces.

Poe just crosses his arms and asks if they’re done yet.

Kaydel says no.

“I’m paying, by the way.” Ben hums, standing by Rey as she tries to decide what to order.

“What? No.” She quips back, furrowing her brow at him as he sighs.

He turns down to her. “Come on, let me do this for you. Please?”

She gives in after a moment, because she knows her wallet is starting to dry up anyways. Her foster parents are supposed to get a stipend from the government, although she never saw a cent of it when she was at Plutts, and the money she makes working for Han during the summer doesn’t last very long as is. 

Especially when ACT and SAT tests cost a hundred dollars per session, college applications between anywhere from fifty to eighty dollars, and she still has four AP tests she’ll have to pay for in the spring. It’s an unfair system, and one that isn’t particularly kind to students like Rey.

The College-Board is fucking crooked, she knows, but she has to play by the rules. That means scraping by where she can. It also means depending on Ben to use his credit card to pay for said tests, and paying him back when she can. 

For some reason, he never reminds her that she owes him money. It irks her to no end.

Plus, everything she made during Christmas break will go towards those tests, towards saving up for when she moves out. Han already pays her more than some of his other employees, despite being seasonal and green, (which also sends her into a flustered state every time she thinks about it) because he says she works harder than anyone else. For Rey, that is the highest compliment she can receive.

And it’s not like Leia isn’t offering her their home to stay in for a while. It’s not like she doesn’t already owe the Solos everything. 

She sighs, nodding as Ben orders and waits for her to follow. She keeps it small, a burger and fries, before he tacks on a strawberry milkshake at the very end.

She moves to protest, but he’s already paid and the order is already submitted. Jerk. 

She sticks by his side anyways, thanking him as she tucks her bandaged hand in his pocket while everyone else orders. She leans into his body, under his arm, letting him guide her to a table as she flips open her book and starts reading. She has to get this done, even if she makes little progress.

Ben watches over her shoulder, and she’s sure he can feel her hand in his pocket as she reads. He doesn’t move, though, slipping his hand in as well and making sure to stay gentle with her still sensitive palm. 

His fingers stroke the back of her hand, as he taps her knuckles and lays his palm over hers.

“What are we celebrating anyways?” Kaydel hums, Rose sliding into the other side of the booth with her. Rey sets her book down, it was a valiant effort to get work done.

She perks her head up as Ben sets his elbows on the table and looks down at her, eyes soft and focused. “I don’t know, what are we celebrating?” He asks, Rey shrugging in response. 

“Freedom!” Poe calls, sliding in next to Rey as Finn squeezes in next to Rose. 

“You do know I’m going to have to get out to get our orders, right?” Ben huffs, the man shrugging in response. He doesn’t particularly care about the intricacies of this situation, apparently.

Rey feels Ben's chest rise and fall against her side as he sighs, squished tight against her body in the booth as he shifts against the wall. She tries to fight back a blush as his arm lifts up and goes around her shoulder in an attempt to get more comfortable. Just to get more comfortable, that’s all it is.

It’s not anything else, just getting more comfortable in a tight situation. His bicep behind her neck doesn’t mean anything. Her hand in his pocket doesn’t mean anything. The fact that they fit together perfectly doesn’t mean anything. 

Her mind goes back to yesterday morning, which feels like a lifetime ago at this point. He kissed her temple before he left, his face must have hovered right above hers. She wonders, for a brief moment, what would have happened if she turned her head. If she could have kissed him like that. If he would have  _ wanted _ that.

She turns to look up at him, as he laughs and says something to the group and she smiles. If he turned right now, she could probably kiss him. She wouldn’t even have to stretch all that much, really. His nose would probably bump hers, and the angle might be weird, but she could at least try.

She could try.

Poe says her name, and she snaps back to reality. She is fully leaning into Bens side now, as Poe discusses what the past couple days have been like from his perspective. “It was crazy! It was the most stressful experience of my life, because even though we knew this guy wouldn’t be back for a while we had no idea how long he would be gone. We were just throwing Rey's stuff in boxes, trying to get out as fast as possible.”

Rey feels herself blush, slumping against the back of the booth and Ben's side in an attempt to get away from the conversation. She huffs as his arm comes around her waist, holding her up as she tries to wiggle away from this reality. “Poe, c’mon, let’s not talk about that.” Ben quietly hums, when Poe just continues to chatter.

“Ben, dude, come on, it was crazy. I’m only going to get to break into a house once, and I can’t even tell anyone about it?”

Ben just rolls his eyes, as his name gets called from the pickup station. Getting him out turns into a whole production, Rey having to physically push Poe out of the booth to get him to move. Luckily, he doesn’t fall on his face this time.

He grumbles as Ben jogs off, letting Rey slide back into her seat before settling back in next to her. 

Rey turns back to the surface of the table, picking at the edge of the vinyl where it’s starting to peel. She knows what’s about to happen, in the back of her mind, but she wishes she could avoid this conversation for just a moment longer. It was so nice not having to worry for a while. To not have the conversation revolve around such a personal issue.

She wants Ben back, she hopes he hurries up.

“How is living with the Solos going so far, peanut?” Finn quietly asks, as she furrows her brow and shrugs with a sigh. There it is. She hasn’t really given the issue much thought yet, to be honest. Rey hasn’t really had the time to process it all.

She quickly tries to lasso her thoughts together, yanking them into something comprehensible.

“It’s nice, knowing I have somewhere to go home to.” She sighs, “The Solo’s are really… normal. Which is nice. It’s not chaotic like some of the past houses have been, or strict. They have family dinners, and it’s weird waking up to a dog snoring at your feet in the middle of the night, but it’s really nice. I’m happy, I like it.”

The table settles, Rey shrugging as she quiets. She’s used to moving around a lot, it isn’t weird for her to get used to the routine of a new family and a new house, but with the Solos it just feels different. Maybe it’s because they want her around, or because Ben is already so close to her heart, but this time it just feels…

Permanent, like in twenty years she’ll still be able to call the Solo household her home.

She turns to look at Ben, looking a little lost as he furrows his brow and searches the room, as Poe gets his name called. He stands up, Finn following right after as Rey is left at the table with Kaydel and Rose. She realizes they probably didn’t expect to get this dropped on them during a Tuesday lunch break, because Rey tries to keep her parental status a secret for the most part.

Rey also realizes the boys bought for the girls, when Finn mentions Poe needing an extra hand. 

The conversation takes a miraculously normal turn when they finally leave, Kaydel speaking up first. “It must be so nice living with your boyfriend, my parents would  _ never _ let that happen.” She scoffs, leaning back against the booth as Rose nods in agreement.

Rey almost thinks she looks jealous, before she realizes what Kaydel said. 

Her mind breaks for a moment, and it takes her a further second to correct her as Rose watches the boys out of the corner of her eye. “Ben isn’t my boyfriend, we’re just close.” She hums, feeling her face flush. “That’s all, just friends.”

Both of the girls turn to her, twin looks of astonishment. “Are you sure that’s how he feels about you?” Rose asks, voice pitching up at the end, as if to ask  _ are you sure that’s how you feel about him? _

Rey nods, and Kaydel opens her mouth before shutting it again. The boys return, and Rey looks back for Ben. What is he doing?

He still looks lost, wandering with a tray and holding her milkshake. He looks like he’s looking-

He can’t find the straws, they’re on the other side of the room. He is lost. She should have known.

“I need to go help Ben find straws, I’ll be right back.” She hums, standing up and trotting across the room as Poe takes her spot. She just catches the end of Kaydels next question, as she walks off.

“Those two do know they’re dating, right?”

//☆//

Rose ends up texting her parents later that day, when Rey mentions having to find a mattress at some point because she can’t keep kicking Ben out of his room, and she realizes they still have Paige's old daybed. She says her parents were trying to get rid of it anyways, and Rey should just take it.

When her parents say yes, the girls exchange numbers and make a plan to pick it up later that day. Her dad has a truck, and as long as the boys promise to help him take it apart and get it into said truck he’ll be happy to drive it over for her. He says he wants to help out however he can, when Rose explains the situation.

Rey tries not to flex her palm in response, because she feels like before long everybody is going to know about the poor girl who got her hand singed and doesn’t know what to do next. Dependent on other peoples kindness just to get through the fucking day, apparently.

When Ben lets his mom know what’s happening, she responds with a simple “k”. He groans, showing Rey the text exchange as they walk out of school at the end of the day.

She just snorts in response, and Ben realizes she probably needs Leia’s number too. You know, if she’s going to be living with them and all.

She does, so he gives it to her before she, Finn, and Kaydel head off to the Solos to clear out the den before Poe, Rose, and Ben come back with her bed.

Her bed, her own bed. Rey Niima is going to  _ own her own bed _ .

She feels like she’s floating on cloud nine as they drive to Ben's house, using the key he gave her to get inside and get upstairs. Finn helps Kaydel move the couch so Rey can set  _ her _ daybed against the back wall, as she repacks clothes and tries to clean up as much as possible.

Finn mentions that she needs a dresser or something, Rey shrugging in response. She’s not going to push the issue, as long as she has somewhere to sleep at night she’s alright.

Low maintenance, that’s her middle name. Would she like a dresser? Yes. Does she need one? Absolutely not.

Plus, there’s a tv on the wall up here and a bookshelf. What else could she want?

She thinks about watching tv in bed, with Ben curled up right beside her, and she nearly breaks from the smile that takes over her face. She hasn’t been this happy in so long. 

She takes the downtime, once she’s all packed and the boxes are moved out of the way, to get to know Kaydel, who she finds out goes by Kay, a little better. She and Finn are hitting it off famously, talking about obscure Russian literature that Rey doesn’t understand, but she learns that Kaydel grew up in a house of boys. She’s got three brothers, two who are older and one who’s younger. She tells Rey living with boys sucks.

Rey tells her that she knows, she lived with Finn when they were younger.

He shouts an undignified “Hey!” in response.

Kay also tries to get her to go to Claires with her and Rose at some point, when Rey reveals that she never got her ears pierced. She practically steps into best friend mode right there, filling this weird spot Rey never really noticed was empty. She’s been best friends with boys since she was in kindergarten, why would being friends with a girl be any different?

Rey realizes, as Kaydel invites her to go shopping at Target “just for fun”, that it is extremely different. 

She agrees, without a second thought. 

She will figure out how to get there later.

When the boys arrive, Rey just watches in amusement as they try to get the pieces of the bed up the stairs. Finn and Poe struggle with the mattress, seemingly unable to decide who’s left is left and who’s right is right, while Ben carries way too many of the white wood pieces at once. 

By the time they finally get the whole thing up the stairs, he’s sweating like he just ran a marathon.

He takes off his sweatshirt, revealing his tee underneath, as Rose whispers something that sounds like “Holy shit.” under her breath.

Rey turns to look at her in confusion, Rose already diverting her attention and focusing on unpacking the rest of Reys sheets with her, as she turns to look at Ben.

She’s never really thought of him as attractive before, not like  _ that _ at least.

But she takes a long, hard look at him as he crosses his arms and thanks Mr. Tico for helping them with this. The way his hair, now just long enough to cover his ears, sticks to his skin as he pants. The way his muscles push at the sleeves of his gray tee as he smiles with teeth that are just a little crooked, because now that his body is done growing upwards it seems to finally be filling in all the gaps. He’s got muscle, more than Rey can remember.

She looks away when her eyes land on his chest, because she does not remember it being that broad. The kid that was a lanky mess when she first met him is all grown up, and it’s something she’s so glad she gets to see. She feels privileged to see it, as odd as that is.

A possessive part of her whispers that she should be the only one who gets to see, but she shakes the thought loose as soon as it arrives. She doesn’t own him, he doesn’t belong to anybody. He’ll make his own decisions about who gets to see… that.

She focuses back on the box, clearing her throat before any other new thoughts decide to make themselves known today.

She really shouldn’t be thinking about Ben like that.

Although it’s not like she apparently has much control over her own mind anymore.


	9. 9

The group leaves once the bed is all set up, leaving Rey and Ben to get the sheets on and for her to unpack some of her clothes into the drawers underneath. Rose didn’t tell her it came with drawers, which made the best day of Rey's life even  _ better  _ because multifunctional pieces of furniture are the height of luxury for someone like her.

Ben did take back his sweatshirts, at least the ones that still fit him, though. Except the one she’s currently wearing, because he says it’ll just have to go in the laundry anyways.

She beams and draws the hood over her head, trying to bribe him by being cute because throwing a minor temper tantrum didn’t work.

He scoffs at her instead and goes back to trying to find her pillow. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him he did kind of steal that from Plutt, because she really only owns the pillowcase.

But she chooses to ignore it, focusing on the fact she’s now kind of got half a room, although it’s missing a wall. She’ll have to get changed in the bathroom, not something she’s unnecessarily unused to, but Ben will have to get used to sharing that space too. He’ll have to get used to a lot of things, because Rey doubts he has much experience living with other people.

She stands up from her place on the floor, grabbing another box as she listens to him hum along to the music playing on his little speaker that he set up. “You’re okay with this, right?” She asks, looking down at him as she crosses her arms. “With me being here, I mean. I don’t want to intrude on you or anything.”

He looks up from his place on the floor, big brown eyes wide in surprise. “Of course, what makes you think I’m not?”

She remembers what he said last night, about wanting her here. She  _ knows _ , she just.. She wants the reassurance.

She shrugs as he stands up, crossing her arms as he slowly drifts towards her. “I’m a lot, you know. I leave my stuff all over bathroom counters, I never remember to pick up my socks. You’ll find hairbands in places that hairbands don’t belong. I talk to myself and I can’t listen to music without singing along-”

“I snore.” Ben hums, stepping a little closer to her as she does the same. Like they’re drawn into each other's orbits, collision inescapable and inevitable all the same. “When I’m really tired, I snore. I use too many hair products. I do my laundry and then forget about it, and end up leaving it in the washing machine until my mom yells at me. I stay up too late. I collect cups in my room.”

Rey smiles as she places her hands on his chest, and Ben finally stops. They’re both a lot, and they’ll continue to be a lot with each other.

“You’re going to have to share a bathroom with a  _ girl, _ Ben Solo.” She finally laughs, scrunching up her nose as he chuckles.

He laughs, wrapping her up in his arms as she tries to squirm away. “You’re going to have to share a bathroom with a  _ boy _ , Rey Niima.” He teases, gasping in mock horror as she snorts and rolls her eyes. 

“Oh god, that’s so much  _ worse _ !” She laughs, prompting Ben to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder as she screeches and pounds on his back in protest. He sets her down on her bed, scooting next to her and lying down on his stomach. He just kind of stays there for a second, closing his eyes and settling his head in his crossed arms as she stares at him.

Rey sets a tentative hand on his spine, before fully laying on top of his back and watching as he points to his door. “Every single morning,” he explains, “you’ll have to watch me stumble out of my room and nearly trip down the stairs. Someone will yell at me to be quiet, there will be a brief but serious argument with my mom about my use of the Nespresso, and I’ll come right back up with my coffee. The world will be dead to me until I get about halfway through that cup, I take no responsibility for my actions pre-caffine.”

He tilts his head, smirking as Rey sets her head on his back. “Think you can put up with grumpy morning Ben?”

She pats his shoulder with her good palm. “If I can put up with finals season Ben, I can surely deal with you when you’re half asleep.”

He turns with a groan, flipping Rey off of him as she squeaks in surprise. He rolls on his back, bringing her into his shoulder as she watches his head hit her pink and yellow flower bedsheets and his eyes flutter shut. It suddenly hits her how childish everything she owns is, how weird he looks all curled up on sheets she’s had since she was like, five.

Rey never brought Ben into Plutts, into that part of her life. It didn’t seem right, she didn’t want to contaminate the good with the bad. This is the first time he’s seeing her bedsheets and her photos and her fairy lights. Rey got them in the bargain bin of a homegoods when she was in middle school, and Kaydel helped hang them up on the wall above the bed before she left. It’s a little piece of Rey, this whole corner is.

She turns, looking up at them as she and Ben sigh simultaneously. Some of the lights need to be replaced, at some point.

This is the first time she’s really going to let him see beyond what she necessarily chooses to put out into the world.

“I can’t believe I’m really gonna get to live with you.” She hums, turning to face Ben as she giggles. It’s kind of absurd, the fact that she’s living in  _ his _ house. This is so weird.

He chuckles back, as she twists on her side and tucks her face into his neck. “I love you.” She hums, wrapping her arm and a leg around him as he sets his lips against her forehead. He doesn’t kiss her or anything, just kind of breathes into her hairline as she smiles.

“You used my shampoo.” He hums, pushing his nose further into her hair as she laughs. 

She nestles closer against him, taking advantage of his body heat as he exhales against her. “Of course I did, It was all you had in the shower. Your body soap sucks, by the way. I smell like a dude.”

She pulls away from him, as he peers down at her. She really does need to find her pillow or something, Bens neck is all scrunched up in an effort to look at her. It cannot be comfortable.

She swears his eyes go to her lips for just a second, and she knows hers do the same. Did he notice?

She could lean forward and kiss him, just like earlier. Wouldn’t even have to stretch all that much, just a tilt of her jaw and her lips would be on his. It would be  _ so _ easy. She bets they’re soft, and warm. And they’re very pink. She’s never touched his lips before, would he like it if she did?

She wonders how he would feel about that, if that would make him _happy_. If that would make her _happy_.

She doesn’t have to wonder for long though, as the front door squeaks open downstairs and the two tear their eyes away from each other. The spell of the moment completely shattered, Han calling for them as Rey sits up and fixes her hair like she just did something illicit. Like letting Ben hold her is wrong.

He does the same, bolting to his feet and quickly moving to the boxes. His ears are red, and she knows hers matches, although she won’t mention it if he doesn’t. 

She won’t mention it if he doesn’t. 

“Kids?” Han calls again, as Rey reaches for her backpack at the end of the bed and pulls out her calc notebook and Ben sits down in front of the box he had been searching through. Just like before, like nothing happened.

Rey squishes the seed of disappointment that threatens to bloom in her chest.

“Up here, Dad!” He calls down, finally finding Rey's pillow as she crosses her legs and opens her notebook up on her lap. She grabs her pencil as she keeps an eye on him, hearing Han start walking up the stairs with a series of heavy thunks that are distinctly not Han Solo like. 

She immediately drops the pencil as soon as she presses the tip to the paper and a shooting pain rockets through her fingers, she has no clue how she’s going to do her homework tonight if she can’t even  _ write _ . 

Chewie comes up first, barreling into the room with a string of slobber on his chin and a clumsy run that makes her laugh. Rey knows he’s an old dog, It really is a miracle he’s so active. A good miracle, he’s a good boy.

He goes up to Ben first, sniffing his hair and blowing it around a little before padding over to Rey. She pats his head and coos to him as he smells around the room, obviously looking for who was here while he was gone, before watching him sling the upper half of his body on her bed and just pant up at her. Rey laughs and continues to pet his head, listening as he starts growling and making all sorts of doggy noises at her. He’s telling her about his day at the shop.

“I see.” She hums, scratching behind his ear as his tail wags like a propeller. She laughs as Han comes around the corner, looking towards Ben's room before coming to check out the situation.

“Oh, so you got the bed thing worked out.” He sighs, looking up at the ceiling. Rey thinks he’s examining the missing wall, and suddenly she feels like maybe Han isn’t entirely comfortable with the situation they’ve found themselves in.

Rey can’t blame him, if she’s honest. If this momentum with Ben continues to accelerate she doesn’t know what she’s going to do, especially if she’s under the same roof as him. Especially if they live under the same roof.

She has to get this under control, prove to them she’s not going to hurt Ben or something. That she’s not an invader, and she wants to stay. She doesn’t want to fuck this up, she doesn’t want to lose whatever this is. 

Ben sighs, answering for them. “Rose, one of the girls in our psych class, has an older sister that moved out a couple years ago. They had an extra bed that they were looking to part with anyways, and she offered it up when Rey mentioned that she couldn’t keep on kicking me out of my room.” He turns up to his father, leaning back with a sigh. “Mom said it was okay.”

Han opens his mouth, and then shuts it. “Okay.” He finally huffs after a tense moment, turning back around and walking back to the staircase. He calls Chewie as he gets to the landing, the dog bounding after him as Rey mournfully sighs. Maybe Chewie will come and sleep with her again tonight, although she doubts they’ll both be able to fit on the twin. 

She pouts, already missing having someone to cuddle with. Ben and Chewie both equal placements, really the only placements, on that list.

“Uh, get your homework done. Mom’s bringing home takeout, so don’t ruin your dinners. You know, have fun. But not too much fun, I guess. You know, whatever.” He sighs, starting to walk down as Ben frustratedly huffs and tosses Rey her pillow. She catches the girly fabric, she really needs new bedsheets at some point.

Han disappears around the corner, Rey watching as Ben angrily flexes his palm and continues unpacking Rey's stuff. The boy fumes as Rey watches him in curiosity.

“You know, it would have been really fucking  _ nice _ of him to offer help or something.” Ben grunts, furrowing his brow as Rey sighs. She bites her lip as she thinks for a moment, finally setting down her pillow and standing up. She grabs his backpack with her good hand, sitting directly across from him on the floor. 

She knows how to fix this, she knows how to deal with Ben when he gets all rough around the edges.

She sets it and her calc notebook into his lap as she sighs. “Thank you for helping me out today, considering I can hardly hold a pencil.” She hums, rubbing his knee with her left hand and smiling up at him. “You’re enough. Now help me cheat on my homework, Solo.” She laughs, Ben looking at her and shaking his head as he quietly chuckles. He still has a wrinkle across his forehead, but his face softens as she continues to slowly rub his knee.

“You want evens or odds?” He sighs, pulling out his notebook as she fixes his hair for him. There he is, that’s her Ben.

“I don’t care, just stay with me.”

//☆//

Ben lies in his own bed that night, staring up at the ceiling. His mom filed the paperwork for guardianship today, told them at dinner that they have a court date for next Tuesday because she was able to pull some strings with the judges and the clerks. One week, they have one week to make a case for Rey. Not like it will be difficult, really, this is more just for state purposes than anything else.

Apparently that’s why she was late today, anyways, pulling strings in the court system with her lawyer connections. Ben shouldn’t be surprised.

Phasma is supposed to come and visit too, at some point during the week, which means Ben needs to take Rey shopping for furniture or something to make her ‘room’ a little more ‘room-like’. The regulations essentially require there to be a separate, partitioned room for each child under guardianship; which means they need to put up a curtain or something for Rey. She, understandably, needs privacy.

Han said he’ll grab some scrap pipe from the shop for a curtain rod, as long as Ben takes Rey to pick out the curtains. Rey beamed and said she could handle it, because Rose offered to drive her and Kaydel to Target. She was practically vibrating in excitement during dinner, unrestrained glee behind her smile.

Ben tried to hide his grin behind his hand, because he has no idea why she’s so excited to go to  _ Target _ . Bizarre.

His mom said he should go with them, charge it to the emergency card she gave him a while back and pick up anything else Rey might need. She said that if Rey is staying with them she’s going to be treated like a member of the family, and as her guardians Han and Leia are responsible for making sure she’s taken care of.

Or, as Han put it, “That means family dinners are required attendance, kid, and ask Leia for anything you need.”

Rey nodded enthusiastically, and Ben stabbed at his dinner with a little more intensity than might have been called for.

But now he’s laying in bed, sometime around one, listening to the water running through the pipes as Rey takes a shower and he tries to ignore the fact that everything in his bed smells like her. He can’t tell if it’s heaven or hell, to have her so close and so far. 

He almost kissed her earlier today, when they were laying in her bed. How bad would that have been? Kissing her when she’s dependent on him right now. When they have almost every class together. When they’re sleeping and living under the same roof. They would have to be trapped with each other, intertwined, after  _ that _ . He would never have been able to forgive himself if he made her uncomfortable, if he made her feel like she wasn’t welcome any longer.

If he broke her trust. That might have killed him.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair as the water shuts off. He’s learning so much about her, so much he never thought to ask. Like, the fact she takes showers at night. Or that she sleeps on her stomach. Or that she gets really cold when she’s tired.

By the end of the night, when they finally finished their homework, Rey was wrapped up in three blankets and punctuated every other sentence with a yawn. He nearly had to wake her up to finish her Spanish. 

He helped her write all of the flash cards for her new unit, all she had to do was call them off to him. 

But now she’s taking a shower, probably getting ready for bed, and Ben has to live with this eternal slumber party situation they’ve found themselves in.

He turns on his side as the light in the hallway goes off, this is going to be a long night. 


	10. 10

Rey wakes up with a start, a door slamming as she pokes her head up and over the edge of her bed. Ben comes stumbling out of his room, stretching his arms up in the air as he whines and reveals a smooth stretch of belly.

She watches as he slowly tromps down the staircase, taking the loudest fucking steps she’s ever heard. Oh, he wasn’t kidding when he said this was his morning routine. 

“Ben! For fucks sake! Will you quiet down!” Leia hisses from the kitchen, Ben grunting in response. “Your father is asleep,  _ try _ not to wake him up, will you?”

He mumbles something that sounds like a sigh mixed with a slurred “Sorry” although Rey can’t be entirely sure. 

She arches her back as she stretches, because if Ben is getting up then she probably should too. She smiles as she hears the conversation continue, floating up through the hallway. “This caffeine is going to rot your brain, you know. I read this study, and teens who drink coffee are more likely to develop insomnia.”

“Mmmhm.”

“Don’t ‘mmhm’ me, I’m serious! You’re still growing! You really should cut back, it can’t be good for you to be drinking coffee every morning.”

“Mmhm.”

Leia groans, as Ben slowly climbs back up the stairs. Rey watches as he comes up to the landing, running a hand through his hair and taking a second to gain his bearings before taking another deep sip of coffee. He cradles the mug in both of his palms, like it’s the holy grail, sighing as he smacks his lips together and yawns.

He has the pointiest canines, looking almost wolfish in the pre-dawn light as he squeezes his eyes shut and nearly unhinges his jaw in the process. His hair is all smushed on one side, too, the rest wild and kind of sticking up all over the place. 

He finally turns to face Rey, sleepily grinning as he realizes she’s awake. The violet of early morning just barely illuminates his silhouette, as his shadowy figure lumbers towards her. She sticks a hand up in the air to let him know she’s awake, she sees him, and she beams as he walks over to her. He smiles in response, lopsided and with dark circles under his eyes.

The way he walks past her, to the far side of the bed, reminds her of Chewie; clumsy and not totally aware of his body. He really wasn’t lying when he said he was dead to the world this early.

“Good morning.” He wearily hums, pushing her legs out of the way so he can sit down and join her on the opposite side of the bed. He leans his head against the back wall as Rey giggles, adjusting her pillow and sitting up to get a better look at him.

She has her back to the hallway, so she can see Ben and the window at the same time. The left side of his face is soft in the dim light, as he turns his head to look out the glass and watch the sunrise with her. 

She tugs her blanket up to her chest, suddenly very aware that she isn’t wearing a bra or anything, as Ben tucks his legs under the blanket with her. “Did I wake you up?” He croaks, as she nods. 

She watches as he grimaces, sighing a gentle “Sorry,” as the front door opens and closes downstairs. 

Rey listens as Leia’s car starts up, and pulls out of the driveway. She heads off to work so early, Rey could never do that.

Ben starts rubbing her calve, soft circles up her leg, as she sighs and leans her head back against the headboard of the daybed. It’s too fucking early, too fucking early to be up.

She opens her eyes back up as Ben sips, and she tries to locate his own leg under the blankets. It’s only fair really.

“I never realized you could see the sunrise out of this window.” He hums, taking another sip of his coffee as Rey tilts her head.

She nods, watching as yellow light threatens to come above the horizon. It’s just barely starting to crest over the ridge of some far hills, as Rey finds Ben's leg and sneaks her hand under the hem of his pajama bottoms. 

He smiles as she rubs at his shin, trying to memorize the feel of his skin under her palm. His legs are oddly smooth, not hairless or anything, but they’re softer than she thought they would be. She likes that he’s soft.

Her legs are, apparently, not as smooth. 

“Why are you so  _ prickly _ ?” Ben hums, squeezing the muscle right at the top of her lower leg. “You’re like a cactus.” He chuckles, almost looking awestruck by her. By such a small thing, such a minor part of her life. Something that she has grown so used to, and has no real awareness of anymore.

Through Ben’s eyes, though, all of this is new.

She shrugs in response, “I shaved my legs when I wore those leggings last week, the hair is just taking a while to grow back.” She sighs, closing her eyes and removing her hand from his leg as she tries not to shiver at his continued touches. His palm is going up her calve, and she doesn’t know if she should stop him or not. She doesn’t know if she wants to.

She really tries not to let her breath hitch, counting meditative breaths as she focuses on the way his fingertips gently skate her skin

He hums in affirmation and freezes, Rey finally opening her eyes when his overly warm palm stills on her knee. He’s leaned forwards, eyes focused on her and head tilted as he smirks.

“You only shaved where the leggings didn’t cover.” He hums, pulling his hand back down as she nods with a laugh.

“Sue me, I’m lazy.” She groans, patting his leg with her hand as he quietly laughs to himself. “You only have to shave your face, I have to shave my whole legs! It’s like a two hour process to first get them smooth during the spring, and then I have to do it like every week until the fall. And I always miss spots! Being a woman  _ sucks _ .”

Ben just laughs as Rey rolls her head back, lamenting the ordeal of shaving. “You should consider yourself lucky you didn’t see the beard I tried to grow last summer.” He hums, as Rey pops her head up. Ben tried to grow a beard? Why didn’t she know about this?

He sees her obvious confusion, and explains.

“During the college trip I took with my mom, I gave myself four weeks to grow some type of facial hair when I realized that nobody I knew would see me. Minimal risk for maximum reward.” He hums, as Rey leans her head back and laughs. Of course he did, that’s why he stopped talking about wanting facial hair after he turned eighteen.

“I looked like a drowned rat, Rey. It was  _ so _ bad. Mom made me shave it off before we got on the plane to come back, refused to stand next to me during the last college visits we had. I was convinced I was going to wake up one day and it was going to look good, never happened.”

Rey slides down the headboard of the bed, melting into a pile of giggles. “Please tell me there are pictures!” She gasps, laughing so hard her stomach starts to hurt as Ben grins and shakes his head. 

“None that survived.” He hums, Rey cursing the temporary nature of iPhone photos and the existence of trash buttons as she sighs and catches her breath. 

She snaps her fingers in defeat, still giggling, “Damn.” She chuckles, as Ben reaches down and grabs her phone from where it’s charging on the floor. His eyes widen, and he huffs a little. “I need to take a shower, we’ve got about forty-five minutes until we need to leave. Will that be enough time for you to get ready?” He asks, as she nods. 

“forty-five minutes is good, how early do you usually try to get up?” 

Ben shrugs, as Rey watches him move to stand. She misses the warmth of his body against hers as he removes his legs from under his blanket, and sets his presumably empty coffee cup on the bookshelf. She’ll remind him to take it downstairs later.

“Hour, usually.” He hums, shrugging as he stands in the middle of her room. “I try and give myself fifteen minutes to wake up, check social media, make sure nobody died while I was asleep, you know.”

“Morbid, but okay.” Rey laughs in response, rubbing her eyes as he shoots a warning look at her.

He continues after a moment, pulling his eyes away from her and staring at the sunrise as he thinks, “Then I take a shower, get dressed, shave. Then by seven forty-five I’m usually on my way to pick you up…”

He shrugs as he crosses his arms, tilting his head back and forth as he does the math in his head. “We should still leave by seven forty-five, seven fifty at the latest. You’re only five minutes out of my way, er, you were. Now you’re here.”

He awkwardly shifts on his feet, rocking on his heels as Rey nods. “Go!” She shoos, pointing towards the bathroom. “I need to brush my teeth and get dressed, so unless you’ve got other plans-“

“I’m going, I’m going.” Ben huffs, running to his bedroom and grabbing clothes as Rey does the same. She checks that her bag is all packed before she pulls open a drawer from underneath her bed, grabbing clothes for the day. 

She can already tell this is going to be a weird morning. 

//☆//

“Move your ass or I  _ make _ you move your ass.” Rey huffs, slapping Ben's stomach with her good hand as she tries to squeeze in next to him at the tiny sink in his bathroom. He winces as her hand hits his abdominals, but he moves with a huff as she grabs her toothbrush.

She just kind of stares at it, before turning up to him. “I need help.” She hums, staring at him with wide eyes and a pout as she displays her bandaged palm in the air. She can’t do this alone.

She messily rewrapped her palm while he was showering, (which Ben ended up fixing it for her when he was done) and she’s really trying to do everything she can by herself, but the little things, like putting toothpaste on a toothbrush, seem to be eluding her. The things that one kind of needs two hands for.

Ben nods, his own toothbrush sticking out of his mouth, as he grabs the toothpaste and places a little dollop on. Rey starts brushing as she leans into his side, burrowing herself under his arm as he groans. 

He moves his hand down to her waist, bringing her into his side as he watches her grab her phone from the counter and pull up instagram. She goes to her private story, which he knows maybe five people have access to total, and takes a photo of the two of them in the mirror. He tries not to make a face, but it is difficult to do so while brushing teeth.

“I’m gonna spit.” He murmurs through his brush, warning Rey as she shrugs.

“Do it, I don’t care.” She sighs, turning the photo she took into her own little social media masterpiece. She holds it up to him after he spits, wiping his face as she asks him if he’s okay with her posting it.

Rey looks adorable, with her bedhead and pink pajama shirt still on. Ben looks less cute, eyes closed and face scrunched up. It’s not a good look, the sparkly filter and the “morning vibes” sticker she threw over it hardly helping.

“Yeah, sure.” He hums, shrugging as she sends it off and sets her phone on the counter.

She goes back to brushing her teeth, as Ben just stands there and tries to think of what to do. He’s essentially ready for the day, he’s all set to go.

Rey is not, and he really doesn’t want them to be late.

He grabs her hair brush, reaching in front of her as she makes a noise of surprise and turns up to him with her brow furrowed. “What are you doing?” She mumbles through a mouthful of toothpaste, as Ben shrugs.

“Brushing your hair, you’re taking too long.” He hums, trying to make this seem as normal as possible. It is not normal, he knows nothing about this situation is normal.

They threw normalcy out the window the moment they decided this whole thing was a good idea.

She just blinks up at him, finally turning back to the mirror. “Okay, weirdo.” She laughs, Ben scowling at her as she continues to clean her teeth. He sighs as he goes to her hair, running his hands through it before taking a brush to the ends. She wriggles under his touch, and he has to place a palm on her shoulder to get her to stop moving.

He starts working the ends of her hair, making his way up. She only winces once, when he pulls on a particularly stubborn knot behind her ear a little too hard, and he apologizes as soon as she squeaks in discomfort. He reminds himself to be more gentle next time, as he runs her brush through her hair once all of the knots and tangles are worked out.

“Gotta spit.” Rey gurgles, Ben looking away as she spits in the sink. Unlike Rey, he is not comfortable with watching someone spit in his sink. Especially Rey.

He sighs as she comes back up, “Ready to go?” He hums, as she shakes her head and moves to open a little bag she brought with her. He sighs as she pulls out a little tube of makeup, and an orange sponge thing.

“Makeup, concealer. Makes me look less dead.” She chirps in explanation, starting to wet the sponge as Ben steps behind her. She’s going to drive him insane.

His hands go to her hair as she puts a little of the concealer on the sponge, starting to tap it under her eyes and on her face as he braids. If they’re going to be late, might as well make it worth it. “You don’t need makeup, Rey. Come on.” She’s so pretty already, nobody is going to notice if she doesn’t wear makeup. She’s fine without it, this is starting to get excessive. 

She turns up to him, when Ben is about halfway down the French braid he’s orchestrating in her hair. “Yes, I do. Last time I didn’t wear makeup the first thing you said to me when you saw me was ‘are you feeling okay, you look sick.’”

Ben cringes, muttering a quiet apology as Rey looks back into the mirror. “Sorry,” he hums, focusing on the braid as he starts looking for a hairband.

“It’s okay, just don’t ask girls if they’re sick when they don’t wear makeup. Plus, nobody likes zits.” She hums, reaching back in her bag and pulling out a tube of chapstick.

Ben spots a hairband in her bag, reaching forward and snatching it up as she uncaps the chapstick with her teeth and runs it over her lips. He finishes the braid as she sighs, checking that it looks good as he steps back. It’s not the most even thing in the world, but it’s good enough for someone more than a little out of practice. Ben thinks he did a good job.

“Okay, are we good to go?” He asks again, as he watches Rey reach back into her magical bag of wonders. This is never going to end, they’re going to be trapped in here forever.

“No! I have to do my eyebrows and mascara!” She laughs, as Ben groans and throws his head back. He smiles as she giggles at him, reaching back and tugging on his shirt in an effort to keep him close. 

He groans, placing his head on top of hers as she giggles. “You’re going to drive me insane.” He gently hums, closing his eyes and breathing into her hair as she laughs.

“That’s my goal.” She exhales, leaning back against him as she finishes getting ready. She’s going to destroy him, one way or another, and they both know it.

Ben wraps his arms around her, he thinks that’s absolutely fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spot the reference: [teens who drink coffee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRiRrpd_VDQ)


	11. 11

Rey decided, about midway through third period, that today is a good day. 

She woke up and watched the sunrise with Ben, the test she was supposed to have this morning got cancelled because the substitute didn’t have the materials, and she’s got plans to go shopping with Rose and Kay later today.

Not to mention the braid that Ben did, and she near cried over after she realized what it was. No one has ever done her hair before, and it was so nice to have someone do such a simple but meaningful act. 

She never wants to take it out, this braid is officially part of her personality now.

Rey feels like a real teenager, like what she thinks teenagers are supposed to be, for the first time in her life. Instead of worrying if there will be anything to eat at home for dinner, she’s worried about what color the curtain she needs to get for her room should be. Instead of trying to figure out if she can sneak into the house without being seen, she’s excited to get  _ home _ and study with Ben.

Everyday things are exciting now, and she didn’t know it could be like this. She didn’t know life could be like this.

She’s been smiling all day, and she thinks Ben might be concerned about it. He looked concerned, anyways, any time she starts humming under her breath or leaning into his side.

She swings their hands, her and Ben’s, between their bodies as they walk towards the parking lot after school. He turns down to look at her as he chuckles at her antics, and she near skips alongside him. “What’s gotten into you?” He hums, as she squeezes his palm and drifts closer.

“Nothing, just happy.” She smiles, bouncing on her toes as he grins.

He nods after a moment, looking up and away from her. He quietly sighs, brown eyes focused on their destination 

“Good. I’m happy that you’re happy.” He hums, as they meander towards where Rose said she parked.

Rey leans her face against his bicep, letting the cold breeze blow past her as she takes in Ben's warmth. She closes her eyes as she nuzzles against his hoodie. All in all, she thinks she’s gotten pretty lucky. 

Today is a good day.

//☆//

Ben tried not to get in the way while the girls were hanging out, always staying one step behind them and kind of just letting them do their own thing. Rey kept on checking up on him to make sure he was okay, that he was having fun, and he held anything she needed him to hold, but he knows his place here.

He’s just the one with a working credit card, that’s why he’s here. 

But he is enjoying watching the girls run around Target, “oohing” and “aahing” over unnecessary little knickknacks. Rose bought a mug for herself with a chicken on it, and Rey's eyes kept on going back to a throw pillow and matching llama plushie.

Ben put them in the cart when she wasn’t looking, Kaydel distracting her with an owl lamp.

Kay then nearly knocked over a display stand when she tried to ride the cart down an aisle, and Ben just watched in horror as Rose did nothing but laugh. He slowly realizes Target isn’t a shopping trip for them, it’s an  _ amusement park _ . The girls are insane.

But they eventually made it over to the curtains, where Rey deliberated over what color she wanted for  _ way _ too long. She wanted to get something that matched the Solos house already, because she didn’t want to disturb the very pretty decor they have going, but she also didn’t want a white or a gray. She wanted color, something fun.

She eventually settled for a sunflower yellow, Ben making sure to check how much space they would cover against the measurements he and Rey took last night. 

He picked up two sets, hoping that it’s enough. 

After that it was just a lot of wandering, culminating with Rose and Kay dropping them back off at the school and the two of them driving home. Rey took a power nap on the way back, Ben rubbing her knee and turning down the music so she could try and get some rest. She’s obviously exhausted, they both are, but Ben is happy to let her sleep when she can. They’ll start homework when they get home, once the curtains are put up.

The carrying her up the stairs, though, might have been unnecessary.

By the time his dad gets home, she’s fully awake and is trying to start an essay. Ben watches in curiosity as she drafts it on paper, flipping through her book and using color-coded post-its to mark quotations, asking him to help her write down her outline in her notebook as Han tries to find the studs on the walls.

He helps, of course, curiously trying to figure out what her plan here is as he goes back to helping his father screw in the first wall attachment and get the rings slid onto the rod. He’s seen her do her homework before, but he’s never seen her write an essay. He’s curious how the hell she manages, because she’s a really good writer and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen her use a computer before. He doesn’t know if she borrows Plutts or will need to stop at the library at some point. Maybe she has a flashdrive with her work on it, because there’s no way in hell-

She pulls out her phone, starting to type with one hand as Ben holds up the pipe that his father brought home as a DIY curtain rod. Han starts to screw the second attachment piece into the wall as Ben's brain breaks a little. 

They get about two and a half screws in before Ben has to do something, because watching her write an essay on her cracked iPhone with one hand is way too painful.  _ He can’t believe she works like this. _

“I’ll be right back.” He hums, handing off the curtain rod to his father as he jogs towards the staircase. 

“Ben, Ben?” Han calls after him, as Ben runs down the stairs. “Kid, get back here! Don’t just leave me here!”

He hears him curse something like “little shit” as he hits the bottom story, jogging to the kitchen and grabbing the iPad his mom keeps plugged into the wall so she can watch movies she missed in theaters while she simultaneously cooks and holds a conversation with someone over the phone at the same time.

She is a complicated woman, Ben knows.

He climbs back up the stairs, handing a surprised Rey the iPad as he goes back to holding up the heavy curtain rod. “Sorry, I just- I can’t watch you write a three page essay on your phone, that’s absurd.”

His father shakes his head at him, going back to screwing the curtain rod into the wall as Rey makes a face and looks up at him. “Ben, you really don’t-“

“My uncle bought it for my mom two Christmas’ ago. You can borrow it whenever you need to, it lives in the kitchen.”

She stares in shock for a moment, before nodding and starting to transfer her work to the other device. When Ben clears his throat and looks back to the task at hand, his father is staring up at him with narrowed eyes.

“What.” Ben huffs, furrowing his brow and unconsciously making his voice a little gruffer. Han just goes back to screwing the curtain rod into the wall, shaking his head and sighing. 

“I’m sorry you got the ‘real fucking clueless’ gene from me, kid.” He hums, Ben tilting his head in curiosity.

What?


	12. 12

Ben’s alarm blares in his ear Thursday morning, the ringing of his phone slowly increasing in volume as he groans and comes back to the land of the living. He hates this, he hates his phone, he hates his  _ life.  _ He hates  _ everything _ . Fuck everyone, fucking- fuck. 

He brings his pillow over his head as he growls, willing the damn thing to just stop already. He’s got two days until the weekend, just has to survive two more days until he can sleep in and not have to hear this fucking alarm. Two more days.

He groans and sits up, reaching out for his phone and dragging it to his chest. He shuts it off as he flops back down with a growl, and starts scrolling through his messages as he sighs.

Mmm, nothing new. Poe and Finn still want to come over Friday night, even if Rey is going to be there, and nothing terrible happened while he was asleep.

The earth is still spinning, and the sun is still rising, and Ben Solo still has to go to school.

He sighs, rubbing his forehead as he sits up. He can do this, he can survive this. He’s done it every day for fourteen years, one more won’t hurt.

He stands up, and doesn’t know if he can.

He perseveres, though, checking that he’s decent in the mirror before heading to his door. He opens it, stumbling into the hallway as he lets his eyes adjust to the weak light with a yawn. It feels less light in here than normal, so he turns to the window that he only recently discovered you can watch the sunrise out of.

Ah, yes. Rey’s yellow curtains. They’re blocking almost all of the sunlight from coming into the hallway, leaving Ben with nothing but the artificial light coming up through the staircase and a gentle blue that comes cascading over the top of the curtain rod. Odd.

He wonders if Rey is awake yet, he thinks she fell asleep before him last night.

Ben feels like there's another thought there, something else about Rey he meant to remember. What was it again?

He reaches behind him and catches his bedroom door in a panic, stopping it before it slams closed. That’s it, he doesn’t want to wake her up. He didn’t mean to wake her up yesterday, he needs to stop slamming his door early in the morning so he doesn’t wake her up.

He treads carefully down the stairs after that, running a hand through his hair. Coffee, he needs coffee. Something dark, strong. He needs to stay quiet so he doesn’t wake up Rey.

His mother jumps when he comes into the kitchen, introducing himself with a grumbled “Hello,” as he makes a beeline for the coffee maker. 

“Jeez, Ben.” She gasps, placing a hand over her heart and packing her purse for work as he blindly searches for a mug in the cabinets. “You scared me.”

She doesn’t drag on him for being loud, though. This might be the first time she doesn’t get angry at him for being noisy in a really long time.

She continues packing her purse in silence as he slips the mug under the pour spout of the coffee maker, finally asking him what’s going on with sigh. “What are you sneaking around for, anyways? This is not normal behavior for my son.” She hums, as Ben shrugs and searches around for the coffee capsules. He finds them behind the machine, still in cardboard boxes. A new shipment came in yesterday, nice.

“What have they done to you, honey? Have you been replaced by nice aliens?” She asks, trying to joke with and tease him as he examines the cardboard coffee containers. He honestly isn’t too sure if it’s funny or not. His brain is not awake enough yet to process humor to any degree. 

“Woke Rey up yesterday, gotta be quiet so I don’t wake her up.” He whispers, rubbing his eyes and cleaning out the sand in his tear ducts as he groans. He pops open the cardboard of the first box he finds, ripping it in the process, and places a coffee canister into the machine before shutting it as quickly as possible. He stares at the device as it whirrs, waiting.

His mind is only focused on the coffee, as his mom sighs. 

“I don’t know what that girl does to you, Ben, but somehow she manages to make miracles happen.” She sighs, stepping over to him and tugging his face down to hers as he whines and wriggles. Her fingers are cold, as she grabs his face and kisses his cheek. “Have a nice day at school, don’t get into any trouble.”

He mumbles a vague “Yes mom,” back as she walks out the door, and he grabs his now full coffee cup with twitchy fingers.

He takes a long sip, groaning as a pleasant shiver shoots up his spine. That makes everything a little less awful. Now he can go and wake Rey up, start his day. He feels accomplished.

He stumbles up the staircase, making it halfway up before realizing his mom didn’t criticize his coffee intake either. Huh, that’s new. 

Ben will form a complete thought about this later, maybe, as he comes up to the landing. He looks between his room and Reys, uncertain if she would want him to wake her up or not. Is that weird? He doesn’t know. But maybe she forgot to set her alarm, or maybe she just wakes up later than him.

But she almost made them late yesterday, and he isn’t certain he wants to risk that today.

His desire to go and see her outweighs any of his reservations, as he quietly walks over to her curtains and whispers her name. He would knock on the door if she had one, but she doesn’t, so he clicks his tongue and takes a second to think instead. 

“ _ Rey! _ ” He hisses a little louder, moving to the wall closest to her bed and knocking on it.

He doesn’t get a response, and he groans as he rocks on his heels. Is it wrong if he sticks his head in? Checks on her?

He paces to the other end of the curtains again, parting them and poking his head in. Rey is still asleep in her bed, stomach down and face squished against her pillow. Her hair is still in the braid he did yesterday, the hairs around her face coming loose and framing her cheeks and forehead.

One of them flutters against her lips as she breathes, mouth open and drooling against her pillow, as he takes another sip of coffee and slips into her room.

He just stares for a second, before moving to sit on the floor by her bed. The sun isn’t up yet, light just barely peeking through the window as frost paints the edges of the glass. Everything is doused in purple, softened and hazy around the edges. It’s cold out, exactly what January should feel like. It’s very pretty, very calming.

He realizes his car is probably all frosted up too. He’ll have to scrape the windshield before they leave.

Ben needs to wake Rey up, they need to start their day now if that’s going to happen.

He turns to look at her again, soft features and gentle snores. She looks so sweet when she’s asleep, so soft and relaxed. It’s so different from her normal expression, so much more calm. She is very pretty, prettier than he thinks she knows.

He reaches a hand up, pushing back the hair from her mouth as she sighs. She mumbles something in her sleep, Ben smiling as he lets himself examine her for a second. She’s got so many freckles, and the cutest nose. Cheeks that just beg to be squished, and arms that give the best hugs. She is so cute, and she breaks his heart.

Is this really his life? Getting to sit with her like this? Watch sunrises together and drink coffee before school? Did he really get this lucky?

Okay, wait, this is getting weird. He needs to wake her up and stop  _ staring at her as she sleeps _ .

He nudges her bandaged hand with his, whispering her name. “Rey, we gotta wake up. Come on. It’s morning. We’ve got a long day ahead of us.” 

She mumbles in her sleep, swatting at him as he huffs. That didn’t work.

He slides his hand up her arm, gently shaking her shoulder as he takes another drink of coffee. “C’mon sweetheart, we’ve gotta wake up.”

She groans, stretching across her mattress with a squeak. Her muscles tense and then relax, as Ben rubs her shoulder with his palm. “There you go, hi.” He chuckles, watching as she groans and tries to bat at his face with her hand. She’s like a cat, blindly swinging at him as she whines.

“No.” She groans, Ben catching her wrist before her hand collides with his face. It’s the burned one, that would have hurt her more than it hurt him. “I don’t wanna get up, I’m… good dream, you broke my good dream.” She sounds devastated about it, letting out a long whine and burrowing her face into her pillow.

Ben furrows his brow with a sigh, rubbing her wrist as Rey pulls her blanket over her head and a weak groan slips between her lips. “I’m sorry I woke you up, but we gotta get up. Gotta wake up. We need to start getting ready.”

She groans louder, Ben taking another sip of coffee as she lowers the blanket and blinks. Her hazel eyes sparkle curiously at him, as she lets herself wake up a little. 

They just stare at each other, before Rey reaches out with her other hand. She starts combing her fingers through Ben's sleep-mussed hair, as he just leans forward to enjoy her ministrations. He exhales in response, as he sets his chin on the mattress, because it feels really nice to be touched like this. 

He closes his eyes as she works, just petting him. Just pushing his hair back, being gentle with him. It is very nice, having her do this. For a brief moment he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to go back to a world where Rey  _ isn’t _ doing this.

She pulls her hand away, and Ben pouts as she sits up and he has to open his eyes again. “Come on.” She hums, shifting her pillow and scooting so she’s sitting against the back of the daybed. She pats the mattress with her good hand. “Want you to sit with me, I’m cold.”

Ben just blinks for a moment, before standing up and sitting in the bed next to her. She throws the blankets over his legs as he takes another sip of coffee, lifting his arm up so she can tuck herself underneath it.

Her whole body relaxes against him with a sigh, melting into his side. She practically curls against him, setting her head on his shoulder as he drapes his arm around her waist. She’s so tiny, has Ben never noticed how tiny she is? His hand practically covers almost her entire stomach.

They stare at the sunrise for a moment, both slowly blinking into awakeness. Ben realizes it’s nice to not have to do this alone, even if he’s about to fall off of the edge of her bed because it is way too small for them.

She closes her eyes, and he listens as her breathing starts to even out again. Okay, so, maybe she isn’t quite awake yet.

He shakes her, as she grumbles. “Rey, stay awake with me. Please. Gotta stay awake.”

She huffs into his chest, opening her eyes with a start. “I’m wake, I’m awake. Okay, okay, I’m awake.”

She groans, and halfheartedly slings herself into Bens lap. He grunts as she splays herself out across his chest, slowly wrapping her arms around his neck and draping herself over his body. He has no clue what she’s doing, one leg on each side of his hips, as she tucks her face into his neck and shivers.

She’s cold, goosebumps up and down her arms as she clings onto him. Ben takes the chance to examine the bruise on her arm, as he sets his mug down on the floor and brings the blankets up so she’s covered.

“You feeling okay?”

“Cold.” She squeaks back, Ben wrapping his arms around her in an attempt to mitigate the chill. It is really cold today.

She visibly relaxes, rubbing her face into his neck and sighing. She makes a happy little whine as he smiles, leaning his cheek against her temple. “You gonna stay awake? I really need you to stay awake.”

She nods into his neck, with a quiet little “mmhm” that makes his heart pound. God, he hopes she can’t tell. That she’s still too tired to take note of what she does to him. “Love you.” She purrs, wrapping her arms tighter around him as he laughs.

“I love you too.” He sighs, leaning his face down into her neck and just hugging her. 

He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, holding each other. It could have been seconds, it could have been hours, but he finally pulls away from her and goes back to examining that bruise on her skin. It’s more faded now, less obvious, but still a little purple. 

Ben rubs his thumb over it, and she winces. “Ouch.”

“Sorry.” He murmurs, awkwardly patting her back as she sighs. “You want me to kiss it better?” He jokes, his voice still scratchy and his own exhaustion making him way braver than he really is.

She laughs, leaning back from him and sitting between his legs. “Sure, why not. Can’t hurt.”

Ben's heart near stops right there, Rey pulling up her sleeve and offering her upper arm for him as she rubs her eyes with the back of her bandaged hand. She’s definitely not wearing a bra, which really shouldn’t surprise him in hindsight, but he should not be having these thoughts right now. This is definitely crossing some type of line between them.

“Rey, I was joking.” Ben hums, voice cracking as he reaches out and tries to fix her hair as he really tries not to stare at her chest. He’ll redo the braid, or maybe try a different hairstyle, this morning. It seems to have made her happy. He likes making her happy. Even if she might put him into cardiac arrest right now.

Oh, he is so screwed.

“I wasn’t.” She yawns, staring at him as she blinks.

Ben tries to scowl at her, to defend himself, but she doesn’t move. It must not be effective enough or she is simply too used to him.

He sighs, and gently grabs her arm. He is sure not to pull on her or anything, just guiding her arm to a more comfortable position. “Where does it hurt?” He hums, and she rolls her eyes at him. 

“I don’t know, it’s a bruise. Take a big fucking guess.” She huffs, a small smile appearing on her face for just a second before she swallows it.

Ben sighs, licking his lips before gently pressing a kiss to the bottom of the bruise. Her skin is surprisingly cold, and he resolves to fix that with a gentle sigh.

He doesn’t know if it’s worse if he moves fast or slow, keeps his eyes open or closed, so he takes his time and hopes he doesn’t start to shake from shock. He takes his time with her, when he had just been trying to get her to hurry up a couple seconds ago. The irony is not lost on him, truly.

He slowly kisses around the purpled edge, keeping his eyes on hers as she peers down at him with a blank look on her face. Her expression doesn’t waver as he kisses up and around the mark, staring at her as she keeps her lips straight and in an even line. She isn’t giving him anything to work with here, not even a twitch, this is hardly fair.

He wonders what she sees in him, if she’s scrutinizing him as much as he’s scrutinizing her. 

He lingers at the top of the bruise, their eyes still meeting as his lips remain glued to her skin, before he moves down to the middle of it and places a feather light touch against her arm with his lips. She finally twitches, although he can’t tell if it’s from pain or surprise, as he pulls away.

His heart continues to pound in response, as he gulps and stares at the mark.

“Better?” He rasps, as she nods and leans into his neck. Ben adjusts her, moving her over his thigh so she doesn’t become aware of what she’s brought on for him. What she does to him when she says these things. He clears his throat as she sighs against his neck.

Has her breath always been so warm?

She nods, and he can feel her eyelashes fluttering against his skin as he wraps his arms back around her and she whispers, “Yeah. A lot better. Thank you.”

Ben sighs, leaning his head against hers as he closes his eyes. He wants to ask her so many things, there are so many things he needs to know now.  _ Are you happy? Was that okay? Why do you want me to kiss you like that? Why haven’t you brought up that morning in my bedroom? What are you doing? What are we doing? Do I make you happy? Do you want me to do it again? Do I make you feel good? Do you feel it too, or am I going insane? What do you want from me, Rey Niima? _

  
But most importantly, Ben wonders:  _ Could you ever love me the way I love you? _


	13. 13

“Okay, so, how do you play?” Rey hums, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders as she steps up next to Ben. He huffs as he moves a folder to the side, so she can’t see behind it. She is clearly missing out on some vital bonding time, here.

“D&D is not just a game, Rey.” Poe hums, leaning back in his chair as Ben groans. “It is a tabletop roleplaying  _ experience _ . The Knights of the Resistance have been playing the same campaign for two years now.”

“Mmhm.” Rey hums in response, narrowing her eyes at Poe as he smirks at like he’s just been declared king of the world. 

She turns to Ben, grinning. “I want in. How do I play?” 

His eyes go as wide as dinner plates, pulling his face back from hers in what she’s pretty sure is shock. “No, you don’t.” He huffs, furrowing his brow at her as she pouts at him. His voice cracks, as he tilts his head at her and gapes.

“Yes I do! Is it because I’m a girl and this is boy time? Are you not man enough to let me kick your ass? Are you seriously being sexist right now? Ben Solo-”

“Let her play, Ben.” Han shouts from the living room, as Ben groans and Leia giggles from where she hides in an armchair and reads her magazine. He is outmatched here, as Rey crosses her arms in sweet victory.

He turns to her, crossing his own arms in response. “You’re going to get bored in five minutes.”

“No I won’t.”

“Yes you will, you’re going to get bored in five minutes and then you’ll never want to play again.”

She narrows her eyes at him, now determined to prove him wrong. He finally reaches out and pushes her away as she squeaks, his warm palms shoving at her hips. “Sit on that side with Finn and Poe, and follow along. You can borrow Finns dice, and they’ll walk you through how to play. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Great.” he hums, shifting through a black binder marked  _ Knights of Resistance.  _ She tugs the chair over to the other side of the table, scooting in next to Finn, and he holds his fists out for a well timed fist bump. At least he wants her to play, even if Ben doesn’t. 

Rude.

Ben sighs, looking up at her. “Poe plays a barbarian, and Finn plays a wizard. Do you want to play a cleric, a druid, a rogue, or a bard.”

Rey just stares blankly at him, deeply confused. She has no clue what any of that means.

“Can I be a wizard too?” She hums, leaning forward on the table as Ben groans. She grins as he huffs, turning to Finn. 

“Are you okay if Rey plays a wizard?”

“Yeah, of course.” He hums, turning to her with a firm nod. “Wizard bros.”

She nods, like she completely understands. “Wizard bros.” 

She does not.

Ben hands her a sheet of paper, with a bunch of boxes already filled out. “That’s a premade character sheet, you get to fill in the details but all of the number crunching stuff is already done. Pick a name and draw what your character looks like, if you feel so inclined you can even add a description,” he reaches across the cluttered dining table, pointing at a box with his index finger, “right here.”

Rey nods, grabbing a pencil and clutching it in her blanketed hand. She discovered today that she can use blankets to protect her hand, so she can write again. It still isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world, and she can’t do it for too long, but it gives her some independence.

She sets to work making her character, as Ben sets up the scene. He reads from a printed out piece of paper, in a separate part of the binder.

He clears his throat, dramatically straightening his posture and furrowing his brow in focus.

“Our two noble Knights of the resistance have been called out to another mission, after intel about the Knights of Ren and Emperor Palpatine’s locations have come to light. A spy in the first order, Officer Armitage Hux, has risked his life to get this information to you, and now you are being asked to do the same for the sake of the war. Barbarian Snap Wexley and Wizard Jannah, are you ready to face the Knights of Ren?”

Poe and Finn cheer, stomping their feet on the ground as Rey giggles. Ben is a good writer, she knows, but she’s never heard him write like this before.

It’s very good, even if she doesn’t entirely understand what’s going on.

He motions to Rey after setting the scene, a dark set of tunnels on a distant planet just barely visible by torchlight, as she sets her pencil down. “You are also being joined by a junior officer, fresh out of training and on their first real mission. You aren’t entirely sure why they’ve been sent with you, because you are like level fifteen characters on a vital mission to save the galaxy, but they’re here anyways! Rey, introduce us to your character.” Ben grins, crossing his arms as she flips the paper.

The reactions are gold, Poe immediately losing his shit and howling as Finn descends into bubbly giggles and nearly slips off of his chair in the process. Ben just groans and rubs his forehead, even though Rey can tell he’s really trying not to laugh, as she beams behind her paper. 

“It’s just… you.” Ben sighs, rubbing his temples as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You can’t just- Rey. The whole point is for you to make another character, you can’t just make  _ yourself _ .”

“But what if _ I _ want to be a wizard!” She giggles, leaning her head back and cackling as Ben groans. 

Poe continues to howl as Finn interjects, “Yeah, Ben, what if  _ Rey _ wants to be the wizard!” He laughs, leaning on her shoulder and pulling on the paper so he can see. It’s got her own name scrawled across the top, and a crudely drawn portrait to match. She even gave herself a wizards hat!

She is not an artist, that’s for sure, but she thinks it’s at least somewhat accurate. In all honesty, it wouldn’t be so embarrassing if she could lie and say a five year old drew it.

That’s about where her drawing ability peaked. 

Ben groans, sitting up and shaking his head. “Fine, fine. Snap and Jannah are joined by junior officer Rey, a wizard trainee who has some proficiency in…” he grabs the paper from Finn, “Acrobatics, stealth, arcana, perception, and survival.” He tilts his head, popping his eyebrows up as he thinks. “Okay, I can work with this.”

He hands the paper back to Rey, as she sticks her tongue out at him. 

He goes back to the story, ignoring her.

“Our intrepid explorers delve deep into the caverns, following the melodious beeping of their tracking device. Hux said this would get them to the chamber of shadows, where the Knights of Ren forge all their weapons, but you aren’t sure how reliable a source he is. Considering the first time he met you he held you at gunpoint, there is a certain amount of risk here and you all know it.”

“I wanna run a perception check,” Finn hums, picking up a twenty sided die and tossing it onto the table. “seven.”

Bens tsks, and it shouldn’t be as cute as it is when he smirks in response. “The cavern is really dark, but you can make out something in the distance. It’s down a separate pathway, would you like to go and check it out?”

“Yes.” The boys say at the same time, staring at Ben with their full attention as he grins and moves the story forward. 

“Yep.” Rey chirps with them, watching them out of the corner of her eye. She taps her fingers on the edge of the table as she watches, excited to see what all the fuss is about.

“It’s a locked door, maybe about twenty feet tall and eight feet across. It’s split down the middle, two sides, and it’s built into the wall. It looks like it’s got a powerlock on it, would you like to try and break in or head back down the pathway?”

Poe looks towards Finn and Rey, sharing a look with Finn before the two nod. “What about the tracker? Are we closer or farther away from our endpoint.”

“Closer.” Ben hums, reaching over and grabbing his glass of water. He takes a sip as Poe sighs. 

“I’m gonna pick the lock, I wanna see what’s inside.”

Rey watches as the boys exchange words, something about thieves tools, proficiency, dexterity checks. Next thing she knows Poe is rolling a die and she’s watching for a high number, she thinks.

She thinks high numbers are supposed to be good here, she doesn’t really know though.

Poe adds on something to his roll, a fifteen, and Ben says they get into the room. “The door opens slowly, with a loud creak-“

Rey has no idea what the fuck just happened but something tells her to jump in, to do something. “Wait!” She shouts, throwing her palm out as all three boys look at her. “You’re just going to open this door, in the bad guys lair, and not check to see if anybody is inside?”

Finn just shrugs at her, and she turns to Ben with steeled eyes. “I wanna do a perception check too, like Finn did.”

Ben nods, and Finn hands her the dice. “You wanna roll?” He asks, curiosity playing on his features.

She nods, shaking it between her palms before dropping it on the table. She gets a measly three as Ben chuckles, and she watches as his shoulders settle a little.

He’s relieved, there is something behind the door. She knows it now, Ben just told her so.

She turns down to her character page, going through her abilities and skills as she sighs. “Uhm, uh-“

“I think Rey is right, I wanna run a perception check too.” Poe hums, rolling his dice again.

He gets a twelve, but with his bonus from an item he boosts it to a thirteen. That is enough to get them somewhere.

Ben sighs, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling as he hums, “Uh, okay.” He huffs, scratching his chin as he thinks. “Screw it, you hear voices inside.”

Poe asks, “How many?”

Ben responds, “Seven.”

Poe sighs as Rey frantically searches through her character sheet, listening as Ben explains the situation and digs through a little drawstring pouch. “The door opens and you see the six Knights of Ren, milling about in the darkness. You recognize them, their faces, from previous battles. You have fought them before, separately, but now it’s looking like you’re going to have to fight them together.” 

Rey watches with rapt attention as Ben sets out six little figures, all dressed in black and with scary masks. Did Ben make those? How much time does he dedicate to this game? How did she not know about any of this?

He sighs as he pulls one final one out, hiding it in his palms. “Hux was right, surprisingly, the six Knights of Ren are all here. It looks like they’re protecting a door behind them, it must lead into the main chambers of the facility.”

He lifts his head up, looking at the three brave warriors. “This is the antechamber, what will you do?”

Poe and Finn look at each other before calculating their odds, and Rey thinks about what Ben said. The boys look confident that they could take them, but Ben obviously has something up his sleeve.

Literally, she just watched him slide a figure up his sleeve.

“I wanna do a stealth check.” Rey hums, looking at Ben. “How do I do that.”

“No.”

She balks at him, “Why not? They haven’t seen us yet!”

“It’s a room full of six armed knights! You’re not just going to sneak past them! In what universe do you just walk by six jacked warriors without them seeing you?”

“I don’t know!”

“None, Rey! None!”

“Rey’s right, they haven’t seen us yet. There’s no rule saying she can’t try a stealth check.” Finn smiles, shrugging as Poe looks between her and Ben. His eyes are wide, and he’s got a Cheshire's grin that makes her smile. She is definitely on to something here.

“Oh my god, fine.” Ben groans, placing his head in his hands. “I’m so going to regret this, do you have any modifiers on stealth?”

Rey just stares at him blankly, as Finn grabs her character sheet and checks for her. “She has a plus two.”

“Great, perfect. To sneak by the Knights of Ren you need a twenty-two to get by. I need you to throw a nat twenty to make this work, Rey. Anything less, they see you and you have to roll initiative to fight. Fair?”

Rey nods, grinning. The least she can do is try, even if it’s a one in twenty chance of making it work.

Better than zero in twenty, she thinks.

Plus, isn’t pacifism good? Avoiding fights, making peace? If they can get out of this with no bloodshed, Rey will consider it a win. 

She rolls, and all three boys watch with narrowed eyes and racing pulses as she bites her lip and tightens the blanket around her body and shakes the die in her palms. She can do this, she knows she can do this. It’s just a die.

She throws it, watching as it dramatically hops along the table and in front of the figures. It finally slows down, and stills. Four sets of eyes freeze on it for a moment, before the chaos begins. 

“Holy shit!” Poe laughs, beaming from ear to ear as he throws his hands in the air.

“I can’t believe that just happened!” Finn gasps, shouting as he starts laughing with Poe. He tugs on his hair in disbelief, the boys celebrating as Rey realizes what she just did.

_ She won _ . She thinks.

Ben leans back, suddenly looking ill, as Rey watches all the color drain from his face and a groan slip between his lips. Okay, maybe she didn’t  _ win _ here, if it meant Ben was going to have that reaction. That’s not great.

He turns to her, pupils narrowed and eyes wide. “I’m going to kill you.” He sighs, standing up from the table and sighing. “I’ve been planning this campaign for six months, I’m going to fucking  _ kill you _ .” 

He groans, although it sounds vaguely like a growl, as Rey stands up and places her palms on the table to meet him on even ground. She lets the blanket drop to the floor as Ben pulls the final masked figure out of his sleeve, setting it on the table with the rest of its team. It has a red sword, distinct from the rest. Must be the boss. She ruined his big boss reveal, whoops.

“I’m going to fucking  _ kill you _ .” He laughs, slowly starting to walk towards her as he outstretches his palms like he’s going to wring her neck. It makes the hair on her arms stand on end, even if she knows he’ll never lay a hand on her. He loves her too much, game ruiner and all. 

But she can work with this.

She puts distance between them, speeding up as he does. She laughs as she makes her way to the door, unlocking it as Han and Leia call after them. “Rey, I swear to god, I’ve been planning this moment for six months. I wrote it two months ago. I had a whole thing planned, I was going to use music I spent hours looking for online. Six months, Rey!” He sounds angry, frustrated, as she laughs and fiddles with the door. He doesn’t scare her, she knows he’s just a big teddy bear.

He cages her in when she can’t get it open after a moment, broad arms grabbing at the door frame and warm breath fanning her face as her head hits the wood. He smells like pizza, and she giggles as she pushes his face away with her palm. She needs to get this door unlocked, she needs to get out.

The deadbolt finally clicks open as she jerks on it, and she  _ bolts  _ out the front door and into the darkness.

“Rey!” Han shouts, standing up as she runs down the porch, down the concrete pathway to their house, all the way to the street. She starts cackling under the streetlight as Ben runs after her, nearly slipping down the wet steps. It’s cold, and dark, but it’s not so scary anymore. Not as scary as it was last time she was here.

“Six months, Rey!” Ben shouts, giving chase as she squeals and dashes down the street in her socks. She knows no cars come down here at night, and as long as she keeps an eye out and stays under the streetlights she’ll be okay, but isn’t it worth it?

All of it? 

Every bad moment, every uncertain one, every scary one, to have Ben chasing her down the street in their pajamas at nine pm on a Friday night? Both of them shoeless with gravel digging into their toes, squealing and shouting at each other as he sprints after her and she runs as fast as possible. “Six months!” He shouts again, surely loud enough to alarm the neighbors, as she ducks under his arm and doubles back when she thinks she’s gone too far. He’s too big, making sweeping movements that she can dart right under.

Loser.

“I had a whole villain introduction planned!” He yells, still sprinting after her. He shouts as she giggles, “I had a whole thing planned out! I was going to make them fight the Knights of Ren, get their asses kicked, and then introduce Kylo Ren!”

“Kylo Ren?” Rey yells back to him, breath starting to become labored as she slows down and gets back to the house. It’s cold, she wasn’t going to be able to run for very long anyways. She walks backward onto the wet grass as Ben slows down to a jog, keeping his distance, and she notices the sprint has tired him out as well. Good.

A shiver goes up her spine as her feet squish in the dirt.

“Yes!” He shouts in exasperation, throwing his hands in the air. “They were going to get kidnapped! I didn’t have anything planned for behind that door! It was just a one off way to torture Finn and Poe!”

“Hey!” Finn shouts from the house, and when Rey looks back she realizes they’ve got a bit of an audience. Leia, Han, Finn, and Poe are all watching from the porch in amusement, doused in yellow light from the house. Even Chewie is getting in on the action, Han holding him by the collar so he doesn’t chase after Ben and Rey and run into the street as well. 

They distract her just long enough for Ben to launch himself towards her again, tackling her onto the grass and rolling with her as she squeaks. “Six months of planning! Four months of build up! Two weeks of writing! Four days of building and painting!” He growls, wrestling her across the lawn as she laughs, The grass is soaked from the sprinklers, and she’s certain they’re going to be covered in mud and dirt, but isn’t it worth it? To have this?

As she pushes his face away from her with her palms, laughing as he flips her so he’s smushing her against the grass with his too big body, she knows it is.

“Ben!” She giggles, as he resorts to tickling her. She kicks at his ribs as she laughs, finally pulling away from her when she apologizes. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Okay! I’m sorry! Just- stop!”

He sits back on his haunches for a moment, satisfied with her response, before collapsing next to her on the grass. 

“Six months Rey, six months of planning.” He groans, rubbing his face as she turns her head to look at him and he pants on the lawn. She’s going to be sore from laughing this much. “You’re too fucking smart, you know? Too fucking clever. I knew Finn and Poe wouldn’t even try a perception check or a stealth check, they would just want to fight. That’s why I wrote the door in. You’re just too fucking  _ smart  _ for me _. _ ”

She giggles, staring at his profile in the darkness. The line of his nose, the rise and fall of his chest as he catches his breath. The silly smile on his face. She watches as he gulps and runs his hands through his messy hair. “Too fucking smart, that’s what you are. That’s why I didn’t want you to play. I’m not smart enough to write for you.”

She stares at him for a moment, in the darkness. That’s a lie, Ben is more than smart enough to write for her, next time he just has to know that he happens to be writing  _ for her _ .

“Truce?” She hums, holding her hand out for him. He stares at it for a moment, and she elaborates. “I’m sorry I ruined your game, I didn’t mean to. If you don’t want me to play next time I won’t, I promise. I’ll listen. It wasn’t my intention to screw things up.”

Ben groans, and she waits for him to grab her hand. Is this it? Has she pushed him too far? It sounds like he put a lot of work into that campaign, maybe she really did screw things up this time.

God, now she’s going to lose him. She’s so selfish, and rude-

He grabs her hand, turning to her as he shakes it. She can’t stop the relief that floods her body, they’re okay. “If you really want to keep on playing, I’ll just have have to be a better dungeon master next time.” He sighs, rubbing her palm with his hand. His fingers kneed her muscles as she locks her pinkie with his. A promise, that this is all okay. “And I’ll have to come up with a new way to carry this out, and introduce the villains. And what’s behind that fucking door, I guess.” He laughs, finally catching his breath.

“Dungeon master?” She snorts, covering her face with her bandaged hand. He smiles at her, all lopsided and crooked. It’s lovely.

“Yeah.” He hums, as she giggles. 

“That is, for the record, the worst name ever. I just want you to be aware of that.”

Ben sighs, smiling as he covers his eyes with his hand. “I know, sweetheart, I know.”


	14. 14

Rey doesn’t know how she ended up here, she really doesn’t. Her life up until this moment is one big blur, all she knows is that she’s somehow getting dragged around the  _ nice _ outdoor mall with Leia, Rose, and Kaydel. The nice outdoor mall with a fountain, and a little park for kids to run around in, and music playing from speakers.

The nice outdoor mall that has places that she can’t afford, places that she doesn’t belong in.

She had been at home, with the Solos, and Ben had gone out. He goes to the gym on weekends, he has since quitting the track team. He says it keeps him in shape, and he enjoys it. Gives him time to think, to process the week.

Unfortunately, it also means her shield is out of the house, leaving her vulnerable.

Han left her alone, shooting a quick “See you later kid” as he left for the shop with Chewie, something she hopes he’ll let her tag along with during the future now that she has a potential ride to actually get there. Carpooling, for the environment and her wallet.

But Leia was another story, endlessly curious about Rey and what she does on the weekends. How she spends her free time. Because, well, Leia has a son. An adult son, who hardly shares many interests with her.

A son who couldn’t be less interested in shopping, and makeup, and fashion. Going to the mall with his mother.

A son who respects nice clothes, and will absolutely drop a hundred dollars on a hoodie, but owns one button up shirt and maybe a tie. Somewhere. If he looks really hard. And even though Rey has never seen it she can bet it’s black, or a dark blue. Maybe a red, if his mother bought it for him and he just had to go along with it. 

He knows what works for him, and he sticks with it. Fashionable, but not fashion curious. Ben Solo in a box.

Somehow that evolves into Leia inviting Rey and her “girl friends” to go shopping, and it’s less of an invite and more of a demand really. And although Leia frames it as “just looking for something nice to wear to court next week” Rey knows she really means “I haven’t gone shopping with another girl in nearly twenty years and you’re the first woman I’ve been able to bond with since my son was born, please save me from testosterone hell.”

Rey has only been here a week, and she can already understand Leia’s perspective.

Han and Ben are… a lot sometimes. They’re both loud, and tall, and kind of stand-offish. Doesn’t mean Leia and Rey love them any less, but it does mean maybe they need a break from the constant huffing and puffing they make at each other every time they end up in the same room. Like they’re two wolves, and now that Ben is starting to outgrow the pack his father is trying to show him who’s boss.

It’s this whole weird alpha guy thing that Rey and Leia just walk away from and let them work out.

Leia does say, after Rey gets one very excited Rose and Kaydel on board, that the boys fight less with her around. Han because he doesn’t want to scare her, and Ben because, for some unknown reason, he cares about what she thinks of him. 

Rey just awkwardly cowers in the passenger side of Leia’s car, and acts like she’s surprised.

But they meet at the outdoor mall, with the fountain and the parks and the places she can’t afford, and luckily it seems like Rose and Kaydel know what to do here. Rey is glad they know what to do here.

Leia introduces herself as Ben's mother, Rey resists the urge to text Ben ’SOS’. 

When Rose mentions maybe being interested in becoming a lawyer as they walk to their first destination, and being interested in what Leia does for a career, she gives in.

_ SOS _

_ Your mother and rose are bonding _

_ We’re going into stores I can’t afford _

_ I think your mom is trying to torture me _

**???**

**What?**

**Where are you?**

**Are you okay?**

_ Walking into Bazine, having a lot of regrets.  _

**I don’t know what/who that is**

_ You dont want to. _

She resists the urge to text him for help or at least a way out, instead sending him a blurry picture of the store. Leia and Rose are in the corner, searching through racks of dresses as Kaydel holds a pile of clothes in her arms that Rey doesn't know how they’ve already found.

_ They’re trying to dress me up like a DOLL _

_ BEN. _

It takes awhile for Ben to respond after that, Rey hiding behind a display and trying to focus on the floating bubbles as she bites her thumbnail. Most of the time she can guess what he’s trying to say, what he’s going to say, or even just what’s on his mind. Reading him comes easy to her, it always has.

But for some reason, she doesn’t know what he’s going to say here.

And by the way those text bubbles float, she isn’t quite sure he knows either.

**If money weren’t an issue what would you be doing right now? serious. If you didn’t have to worry about price tags, about people buying things for you, what would you be doing right now?**

**I mean like, if money wasn’t a thing. Free society and shit.**

**I am doing a bad job at explaining this. What I mean is: Rey, let people do nice things for you. You deserve good things. You deserve to be taken care of. You deserve to be happy. Don’t cheat yourself of that.**

_ Oh. _

Rey blinks back sudden tears, hiding in the corner of a boutique and frantically texting Ben back as she bites her nails with nobody to stop her. She gets this weird heaviness in her chest, like she would rather be anywhere else in the world right now.

No, that’s wrong, she doesn’t want to be anywhere Ben isn’t. 

Huh. How odd.

_ You can’t just say shit like that _

**Why not?**

_ Because then I’ll start believing it, and I don’t want to take advantage of you or your family.  _

**Rey.**

_ Im serious!!! You’re all so nice to me, and so sweet, and im so not. You’re going to wake up one day and decide it was a mistake, that having me around is a bad thing. You’ll wake up and be sick of me, I fucking promise you that _

She bites her lip, her knuckle, anything she can dig her teeth into as her heart pounds. Because it’s true, isn’t it? She’s been so independent for so long, nobody has ever chosen to keep her around. Nobody wants her forever, they’ll get sick of her and then they’ll end up keeping all of the stuff they paid for and make her feel bad for making them spend money on her in the first place. For taking up their time, their resources. Their lives. It’s all wrong. 

She wishes Han would just let her work in the shop or something in exchange for shelter, but she gets the feeling not even he would allow that.

**Rey, I don’t think im capable of getting sick of you.**

**I didn’t even think about it until you said that, about us not getting along. Considering the amount of time we’ve spent together the last week, I don’t think we’re capable of that.**

**It makes me so happy when we get to wake up together, when you let me do your hair in the mornings. When I get to watch you think in class. When you play your music in my car. Being around you makes me really happy, and I just want you to be happy too**

**So, im going to ask you again, what would make you happy right now?**

**Do you want me to come and save you or do you want to try and let my mom take care of you like she’s legally going to be required to in a couple days?**

Rey takes a deep breath, puffing out her cheeks in an effort to swallow her emotions. She doesn’t let herself think about the magnanimity of what Ben just said, what it means to her right now.

_ I want to- _

She thinks before she continues typing, trying to figure out exactly what the hell she actually wants. She can’t be flipping back and forth here, she doesn’t exactly have the luxury of time to figure this out.

She continues to text Ben.

_ I want to try and enjoy this _

_ I want to have nice things _

**You deserve them.**

_ Are you going to be home when we get back? _

**Course, ill be here. Haven’t really got anywhere else to go tbh**

That is, admittedly, not the answer Rey was looking for. She doesn’t want him to be around her because he has to, he wants him to be around her because he  _ wants _ to. She needs to know he actually wants to spend time with her.

_ No, do you WANT to be home when I get back? _

_ Like, do you WANT to be around me rn _

**Of course. I was serious, I don’t get sick of you. we’ve only been apart for like two hours and I already miss you**

**Im serious, Rey, come back home and ill show you**

**When you get back I’ll put on a movie. We’ll get popcorn or whatever and ill show you how happy I am to just be around you**

_ Still dont believe u but okay _

**You’ll get to tell me all about how my mother tortured you, okay? And we can watch whatever you want, even**

**Even princess and the pauper**

_ REALLY? _

**Yes now please go and make my mother happy, this is probably more for her than it is for you tbh**

Rey smiles, Kaydel popping over her shoulder. “Who you texting?” She hums, adjusting what looks to be a garish chunky orange sweater in her hands. Rey shuts off her phone, holding it to her chest as she bites her cheek to stop her smile from showing.

“Just Ben, telling him how his mother is trying to give me a makeover. Princess diaries style, you know.”

Kaydel looks at her for a second, Rey watching as realization dawns on her face. Her eyes light up as she beams. “We’re going to pierce your ears.” She declares, turning on her heel and marching back to Rose. Rey just watches as the girls talk, and she feels her entire body freeze over.

Oh  _ christ _ .

//☆//

Leia needs approximately zero seconds of convincing to take the girls to the nearest Claires. If anything, she’s appalled that Rey never got her ears pierced in the first place. She says that it’s important for young women, if they so choose, to have their ears pierced. It’s  _ ladylike _ .

Rey does not feel like a lady, even with the dress that Leia, Kay, and Rose picked out for her clutched to her chest in a little brown bag. Like it’s her only tie to this mortal coil. It might be the most expensive piece of clothing she’s ever  _ owned,  _ not including Bens sweatshirts that she stole.

Even then, obviously, they were never hers. All of her clothes are thrifted, secondhand. She rarely gives herself the luxury of owning, of having.

Of buying.

She does her best to keep up with the rest of the group, holding onto the bag that holds the hundred and twenty dollar dress like her life depends on it. Leia didn’t even blink when she looked at the price tag, and Rey had been too floored by everything to say anything.

She tries to repeat Bens words in her mind, trying to make her believe them.

She deserves to be taken care of.

She swallows her emotions as she follows after the girls, Rose and Leia locked in conversation about college and college experiences. She catches Principal Holdos name somewhere in the chat, followed by “frat boys” and Rey doesn’t know what to do with this information overload anymore. Her brain feels absolutely fried.

She feels like maybe she should put a stop to this, but Rose and Kaydel are having fun. She doesn’t want to ruin it, she feels like she might ruin it.

So she hangs behind as they walk, fighting the temptation to run off and call Ben to pick her up because that would be rude and Rey will  _ not _ be a rude guest.

But then she’s getting dragged towards Claires, pink doors and rainbow animal print taunting her, when she suddenly comes up with an escape plan. “I’m a minor, won’t they ask for ID?” She hums, stopping and rocking on her heels in the middle of the walkway. Surely they won’t just let her get her ears pierced without a legal guardian, and technically Leia isn’t her guardian yet.

It’s a loophole, one that Rey fully plans to exploit.

She crushes the surprising flame of disappointment that appears, because she does want this; no matter how much she tells herself she doesn’t. She just doesn’t want to be a burden, either. She really doesn’t want to be  _ trouble. _

Leia stops, tilting her head as she turns to Rey and thinks for a second. Rey watches as she sighs, exhaling as she shifts the leather hand of her purse in her hand. “We can lie a little.” She hums, smiling as she flips back around and starts marching back towards the little shop. Rey’s jaw just drops, because she doesn’t think she’s ever heard Leia Organa-Solo condone  _ lying _ . “Now come on, girls. Show me what this Claires is all about.”

Rose and Kay run after her, as Rey quietly groans and follows like a good lab rat.

//☆//

Rey can do this. She tells herself she can do this. 

She repeats this to herself as her pulse pounds in her ears and she sweats through her t-shirt, clutching the comfort bear that Claires so helpfully provides to her chest. She can do this. “Is it going to hurt?” She whispers, turning up to a mildly amused attendant who shrugs in response. She can’t be much older than Rey, probably a local college student or something. She’s fairly pierced herself, so Rey quickly decides that she can be trusted.

“It’s going to pinch a little, but it won’t hurt.” she hums, setting the gun against her earlobe. Rey shuts her eyes, and takes a deep breath.

She yelps as it goes through her earlobe, Leia taking a photo as Rey whines and the attendant moves to the other ear. She quickly sets the piercing in the gun, before repeating the process. 

Rey yelps again, and just like that, it’s over. 

Well, okay then.

She sits in the chair, kind of shocked, as the attendant pulls off her gloves and moves over to the register with Leia. She hands off a little baggie with the aftercare solution and instructions as Rey continues to clutch the bear to her chest. 

Her phone starts rapidly buzzing in her back pocket, Rey momentarily ignoring it as Rose and Kay ooh and aww over the earrings now shoved in her earlobes and poking at the sensitive space right at the base of her skull. Rose tucks Rey's hair behind her ear, squealing as the girl slowly moves her face away from prying hands. “Oh my god, they’re so cute.” Rose giggles, Rey suddenly having the desire to clap her hands over her ears and run as fast as possible. 

Before she can jump off of the chair, though, Kaydel lifts up the mirror for her to look.

Oh.

There they are. Two little white daisies, hardly noticeable unless you really look.

She had initially been torn between showing them off and hiding them from sight, but as she looks at herself in the little pink handheld mirror (with the sparkly animal stickers on the back), she decides she  _ wants _ to show them off. Perhaps, when she had been younger, she had allowed herself to fantasize and daydream about getting her ears pierced, but that had died around the time she turned fourteen.

When she realized nobody was going to do it for her, and girls stopped talking about getting their ears pierced during recess. When they moved onto nose piercings and double piercings and Rey still didn’t even have that first landmark checked off. 

But now she does, and suddenly she feels like a little girl again. 

It feels good, really good.

She feels like she just crossed an adult milestone, like when she got her driver's license, as bizarre as that is.

Rose continues to squeal and aww, pulling Rey towards racks of cheap plastic earrings. “It’s tradition.” She hums, starting to look through the stands. “We need to find you the ugliest, most pre-pubescent neon tween earrings we can.” 

Rey opens her mouth, ready to rebut them, as her phone buzzes again. She trades the comfort bear for her comfort contact, Ben.

He’s sent her a photo, a screenshot of his conversation with his mother. Apparently she sent him the photo of Rey midway through getting her ears pierced, knees bunched up and clutching that ugly bear to her chest as she shouts in surprise. It’s not a good photo, by any means, but it’s a fun one.

It’s followed by a series of frantic texts.

**????**

**What the fuck is going on here?? Why did my mother send this photo with no context?**

**When you said she was torturing you I didn’t think you were serious??**

**Are you okay??**

**Do I need to stop her??**

**What is this???**

And then a couple minutes later:

**Rey??**

She smiles as she bites back a giggle, responding to Ben.

_ I’m fine, that’s just a picture of me getting my ears pierced _

_ Kaydels idea _

_ Everything is good, just having needles shoved into my body. You know, average weekend _

Ben responds a whole half a second later

**You didn’t have your ears pierced?**

Idiot boy, silly, stupid-

Oh, she loves him.

_ Did you literally never notice?? _

**No??**

_ Oh my GOD BEN _

_ Youre such a nerd _

_ I can’t believe you never noticed _

**Look, okay, I dont make it a HABIT to go around looking at girls earlobes okay.**

**Especially not yours.**

Rey furrows her brow. Especially not hers? What the fuck, Ben?

_ Oh, I see. You have a thing against earlobes, then, considering yours are so massive  _ 🙃  _ take up all the space, dumbo _

There’s a lull in the conversation after that, Rey taking the opportunity to look up and help Rose decide on if she wants to indulge herself the purchase of a pack of multicolored scrunchies or not. Ben texts her back about thirty seconds later, right when she thinks her teasing might have gone too far.

**Okay, first off, not funny. You know im sensitive about my ears. Second off, I happen to like your ears very much, although I hope you understand that I would rather spend my time looking into your eyes.**

Rey nearly squeaks, clapping a hand over her mouth to stop herself from making a noise. Okay, fine, that’s fine.

Is Ben flirting with her?

Her mind goes back to everything this past week has brought on, the little, imperceptible shifts in their relationship. That kiss in his room the morning after she came to him for help, that moment on her bed when she _very_ nearly kissed him, Ben slowly kissing her bruise better while making eye-contact the entire fucking time. Rey realizes there has been a lot this weird intimacy between them, that she isn't quite sure how to categorize.

Has he been flirting with her?

Her mind shorts out a little, as Rose tugs on her hand and Rey just barely manages to remember to thank the woman who pierced her ears for doing so as they leave.

Fuck, okay, that’s a revelation and a half. 

Not a bad one, not at all, but a revelation nonetheless. 

_ Fuck _ .


	15. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I am watching the hits and kudos and my ONE treasured comment (that I've yet to read im SORRY) go up on this and I don't know if I should be having a panic attack or not.
> 
> I might be having a panic attack, but the upload train continues onward anyways.
> 
> thank you for being nice to me, it is very much appreciated.

Ben is waiting for the popcorn to finish popping when Rey and his mother get home, staring at the microwave as the bag spins and gets stuck on the side. She texted him when they left the mall, and he’s got the movie queued up upstairs, he’s just been waiting for her to come back home.

He is not excited to watch Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper with her for the third time since meeting Rey, but she says it’s her favorite comfort movie. He thinks she deserves it, after having literal needles stuck through her ears. That could not have been a supremely fun experience.

A shudder goes up his spine, as Rey comes through the door with his mother. He quietly waves to them both as he goes back to staring at the microwave timer, not wanting to interrupt his mother's reading of a small pink pamphlet. 

He wonders how much Rey read into his last text, the one he hadn’t meant to send so soon; or even send at all. She didn’t respond after, and he couldn’t think of how to fix it without making it worse, so he just left it as is and hopes she doesn’t bring it up.

Staring into her fucking eyes, not necessarily a lie but also maybe not something he should have admitted out loud. He just couldn’t think how else to talk to her, how to make her feel better.

The truth is that he doesn’t go looking at Rey's earlobes because then he’ll end up wanting to touch her, trace his thumb over the shell of her ear and cup her cheek like he did after she came out of the principal's office. And surely, if he were examining her ears, her face would be close to his, and he would want to kiss her.

He cannot go and examine her ears, because he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to not kiss her after.

Rey doesn’t seem to have the same worries, however, as she comes bounding up to him as the microwave beeps. “Hi! Look what we did!” She hums, tucking stray curls of brown hair behind her ears and grabbing his palms in one swift movement. She places them on her cheeks, grinning up at him as he stares down at her.

They’re little white daisies, right in the middle of her earlobes. He can feel her dimples as she smiles, soft hands holding his wrists and rubbing circles into his skin as he examines her ears. Fuck, she’s so cute.

He drops his hands, because he was right. One small move and his lips could be on hers. It is only by the recognition of his mother being there he doesn’t dive down and close the distance between them.

Poe had been right, this is very difficult.

“They’re… cute?” Ben finally manages to grumble out, reaching past Rey and grabbing the popcorn bag from the microwave. She grabs onto his shirt as he pulls it out, cursing as hot steam hits his fingers. “Fucking- popcorn, motherfucker.” He mutters, Leia just heavily sighing behind him.

“Why, in god's name, are you making popcorn?” She asks, Ben shrugging as Rey giggles. She worms her way between his side and the counter, what is she doing?

He turns to his mother as he drops the bag on the granite counter, letting Rey hide behind him and lean into his side as he sighs. “I promised Rey I would watch that Barbie movie she loves, since  _ you  _ subjected her to needles and shopping.” He jokes, grinning as his mom scoffs in response.

“Well, I think we had  _ fun _ . Didn’t we, Rey?”

Rey hums in affirmation and firmly nods from her place beside Ben, nimble fingers reaching out to grab at the popcorn bag. Ben swats her away, he does not need her burning her other hand.

“In that case, we should watch something  _ I _ like.” He hums with a smile, Rey gasping up at him in response. He does it just to get a rise out of her, really.

“No!” She huffs, grabbing his arm between her hands and shaking it. “It was a traumatic experience, Ben! I had earrings  _ shot _ through my ears! You can’t just tell me you’re going to watch Barbie as the Princess and the Pauper with me and then  _ not _ ! That would be mean!”

Ben groans, leaning his head back as his mother laughs from the other end of the kitchen. He turns to her as she pulls a bowl down from a cabinet, and he points at Rey as she continues to playfully shake and pull on his arm. She starts humming that dastardly ‘you’re just like me’ song into his arm. “Are you sure you still want her in the house? She’s a demon when it comes to this stuff.” 

She pauses her humming to pout and continue her temper tantrum. “Ben!” Rey whines, burying her face in his side as she stomps on the floor. She mutters into his sweatshirt, “You promised!”

He sighs, his mother placing the bowl in front of him as she laughs. “She’s playing us like a fiddle, you know.” He groans, idly wrapping his arm around Rey's waist. He rubs circles into her side with his fingers, as she huffs.

His mother just shakes her head and walks away, throwing her hands up in the process. “She’s playing  _ you _ like a fiddle, Ben. And use a bowl, try not to get popcorn all over the floor. And if you’re going upstairs leave the door open!”

Ben huffs, as Rey wraps her arms around him and he looks down. She peers up at him from under his arm, those pretty hazel eyes scrunched by a hidden smile. 

She’s playing him like a fucking fiddle, and he knows it.

//☆//

Rey practically drags him up the stairs, Ben groaning in complaint all the way up. “Come on, come on,  _ come on _ !” She laughs, Ben grumbling and following behind her.

He nearly trips at the top of the stairs, clutching the bowl of popcorn to his chest as Rey continues to hum under her breath. She skips over to her room, conducting a very small orchestra with her finger as she opens the curtain for them. 

Ben follows, dutifully. 

She struggles with the curtain for a minute, eventually closing it behind them after dragging him inside. He looks at the tv, the movie still loaded up and waiting, as he realizes what she’s done.

She shut the curtain. 

He turns to look at her, quirking an eyebrow up as she smiles to herself and comes back to him. She wraps her arms around him and sighs as he uses his spare hand to rub her back, in that spot he’s quickly finding she likes. 

“Come on, sit.” He hums, slowly lowering himself to the ground and leaning back against the side of her bed frame. She looks confused for a moment, as Ben shoves a small handful of popcorn in his mouth. “What?” He asks, as she looks between him and the bed. Like she expected something else.

She reaches over and grabs the remote, starting the movie before grabbing a blanket from her bed. Well, the only blanket from her bed. Her comforter.

She drops the heavy blanket in his lap, Ben squawking as he yanks the popcorn away so it doesn’t get buried in her sheets. A couple loose pieces go flying anyways, as Ben huffs. “What are you doing?” He asks with curiosity, as she sits down next to him and throws her legs over his lap like she’s done it a thousand times before. The opening notes of the movie begin to play, as he watches her settle in. 

In his periphery, Blue and pink butterflies dance across the screen. They have an almost plastic sheen that makes him laugh, like they’re actually about to watch dolls perform a play for them. A vista that looks oddly like what he thinks the Swiss alps might look like, just badly rendered with 2005 cgi, cue the opening sequence. Had he been paying attention, maybe he would have commented on that fact.

Instead Ben just stares, as she grabs his arm and situates herself between the comforter and his body.

Rey finishes smoothing out the heavy blanket, making sure they’re both covered, before looking up at him again. “What?” She asks, leaning into his shoulder with a pout. Like she has no clue how weird this is for him.

Ben looks away and fights back a blush, turning his attention to the movie again as he wills himself to not freak out.

Yes, things have changed between them recently. And, yes, he supposes he should be to blame for this weird “touching” line they’ve crossed. It’s kind of his fault they’re here, he’ll admit that.

But they’ve really only been like this in the mornings, when one or both could blame it on sleep and the cold. Neither have made the conscious decision to be snuggled up like this.

Doing it in broad daylight, with the curtains to her room closed, feels almost wrong. Illicit.

Why doesn’t Ben stop her?

Rey reaches across his lap, making grabby hands for the popcorn. He sets the bowl on his thigh as she makes a happy little hum, taking a handful as Ben stares at her. 

He wants to return the gesture, he just doesn’t really know where to start. What is appropriate here.

He frantically tries to figure out how to show her that this is more than okay with him. He can do this, he thinks. He hopes. He  _ wants _ .

Ben leans his head on hers, slowly and tentatively at first, as she curls closer against him in encouragement. He closes his eyes as she munches, humming along to all the opening music as he takes measured breaths and tries to keep himself calm. Tries to keep his heart within the confines of his chest. It feels  _ really _ good to hold her like this, to just be close to another human. He’s never done this before, he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

He smiles as she starts wiggling happily, scooting closer into his side, and he slowly rests a little more of his weight on her. Because, okay, he can do this. They’re just cuddling, that’s all. Easy-peasy. Manageable. Nothing else is being expected of him.

She giggles, pulling away and shoving a piece of popcorn in his mouth as his unsupported head drops. No, wait, what is she doing? He wasn’t done using her as his personal headrest.

He slowly opens his eyes, holding the kernel between his teeth as he looks at her in mild confusion. Did he do something wrong? His face is probably all pink, as he suffers under her gentle gaze. God, he probably fucked this up too.

She sets the bowl down on the carpet, moving her legs so she’s straddling his lap. She does it so fast Ben doesn’t even have a chance to react, still awkwardly holding the piece of popcorn between his teeth as she sits on his thighs and sets a hand on his chest.

_ What the fuck? _

Rey tugs the blanket up to her shoulders as she hums along to the movie, and Ben’s heart starts skipping erratically and his hands quickly grip the carpet to physically stop himself from doing something incredibly stupid right now. He’s really going to make a fool of himself today, it seems inevitable at this point.

He brings the popcorn into his mouth, the movie still playing behind Rey's head, and he only chokes a little in his haste to swallow it. She looks at him worriedly as he coughs, grimacing as he takes the opportunity to stretch his legs out and make her… seat? A little more comfortable. 

“What are you doing?” He wheezes, after his small coughing fit ends and Rey softly pats his chest with her good hand.

She freezes, like maybe she hasn’t completely thought this through yet. Ben wouldn’t put it past her.

“Testing a hypothesis.” She finally admits, voice more pitchy and squeaky than usual. Ben raises an eyebrow as she blushes, turning to watch the movie as Ben watches her in return.

She scrunches up her nose, as Ben mindfully brings his hands up from the carpet to rest on her hips or something.

He chickens out at the last moment, crossing his arms defensively instead. 

“What’s your hypothesis?” He questions, his own voice breaking as she goes even pinker. 

“I-“ she squeaks, stilling for a moment and staring at the floor. She eventually leans forward and crashes into his chest, no regard for his ribcage as he huffs.

Ben grunts in response, taking the full force of her body weight against his. “I don’t know.” She admits, pressing herself against his body. When Ben looks down he realizes she’s scrunched her entire face up, burying it between the fabric of his shirt and her blanket.

He brings a hand up, lightly settling it on the middle of her back as she presses closer against him.

She takes a shaking breath, movie and popcorn long forgotten in favor of  _ this _ . “I have a lot of hypotheses, I think. Like, uhm, if you wait long enough then all socks eventually show back up from the dryer. Or uh- if you listen to a song enough times then you’ll still be able to sing it three years later, you know?”

Ben nods, as Rey rubs her face against his chest and burrows closer against him. Those sound like perfectly reasonable hypotheses. 

“Or, like, if I crawl into your lap then you’ll hug me again, because you love me and sometimes I  _ really _ need a hug.”

Ben just stares at her, as she squeezes her eyes shut and hides against him. Oh.

He didn’t- it makes sense, he just didn’t know. 

The logical part of his brain immediately states that this is more than a hug, this is an embrace. This is cuddling, snuggling, whatever. This is not just a hug, this is being intertwined and  _ intimate  _ with each other _. _

_ This isn’t toeing the line, this is putting one foot over the line. _

Ben doesn’t know if Rey realizes that or not, or if maybe she’s scared of the vocabulary. He doesn’t know what she wants, what any of this means-

He waits a couple seconds too long before even starting to formulate a response, and Rey starts to pull away in a panic. “Forget it, it was stupid-“

“No!” He calls, wrapping his arms around her in his haste to pull her back to him. “No, it’s not stupid. I love you, and sometimes you need to be… hugged? Is that right?”

She nods into his neck, and Ben can feel her eyelashes fluttering against his skin as she blinks and takes in a deep breath. “Yeah,” she murmurs, tugging on his shirt, “yeah, I need to be hugged. I don’t-“

Her voice slides into silence, as she kneads at his shirt like a cat.

Ben gets it in an instant. Rey’s never had someone who just holds her before, who has held her and given her this form of affection. She has literal  _ years _ of physical contact to make up on, Ben is just the conduit. He’s temporary, he gets it.

He’s honored that she trusts him enough to talk to him about this, and a little heartbroken it wasn’t leading to more.

“I will hold you as long as you need, alright?” He hums, kissing her temple as she shivers against him. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” At least, not until she gets rid of him.

And maybe it’s just the emotional exhaustion of the day, the whole week really, but Rey starts crying again. He can feel her fighting it back, muffling her quiet but relieved sobs into his neck as he rubs her spine and holds her tight. It’s no use to try and hide it, really. She’s already crying. It’s too late to stop it.

Ben kisses her forehead as he rocks with her, trying everything he can to soothe her. It’s been a long week, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t feel the pressure of this whole situation on his shoulders. To do right by her, to make this right. To make sure they win the case, and Rey gets to stay with them for as long as she needs.

He can hardly think about what Rey must be dealing with, and he doubts his mother helped much. 

She grabs his neck, as he kisses her forehead and sighs. “If I like it when Ben does  _ this _ , and I tell him, will he keep on doing it?” She quietly murmurs, gently leading him back down so his lips are on her skin.

He closes his eyes, unable to see her expression from this angle anyways. “ _ Of course, _ ” He mumbles, pulling her tighter against his chest and continuing to kiss along her hairline, “Of course I’ll keep on doing this, I like doing this.”

Rey giggles as he squeezes her tight, movie long forgotten in favor of  _ friendly _ kisses and cuddles. He is in so much trouble.

Ben will process this all later, he knows he’ll be thinking about this exchange all night, but for now he just needs to make sure Rey knows how far he would walk for her. What he would do to make her happy. He just needs to make sure she’s alright. Live in the moment, and shit.

Ben dips down and kisses her cheek as she grins, too in his own mind to notice the smile that Rey is shoving against his chest or the way her heart is beating like a frightened animal. 

She just giggles against his body, as Ben breathes her in like nothing else matters. She smells like his soap, and it makes some primal part of him sing that she is  _ his _ . 

He will process this all later. He has to.

Yeah, he’s not going to sleep tonight. 

//☆//

Ben's mom rips open the curtain to Reys room, slightly flustered and nervous as he waves in response. Shit, he should have gotten up to open it at some point. He can’t  _ wait _ for that conversation.

They just stare at each other, Ben sitting on the floor with Rey passed out on his lap and his mother straightening her shirt as her blush slowly fades. Ben doesn’t think he’s ever seen his mother so… not perfect before.

He’s definitely going to get chewed out for this at some point.

She looks him up and down, at the Rey shaped blob tucked under his sweatshirt. “She’s asleep.” He quietly explains, reaching down and grabbing another handful of popcorn to busy himself. “We got about halfway through her movie, and she decided that she’d had enough.

He raises a hand to gently pat the creature curled up against his chest, who grumpily wiggles in response.

His mom leans against the back wall, crossing her arms as she fights back a smile. “And how did she-“

“No clue.” Ben sighs, leaning his head back and wrapping both arms around Rey. “Absolutely no clue. One second she’s sitting next to me, and the next she’s asleep and  _ drooling _ on my chest. She drools, a lot. Did you know that? And she laughs in her sleep. It’s terrifying.”

His mother makes a shocked laugh, hiding her smile with her hand. “So, I take it you two are getting along then?”

Ben groans, taking a deep breath as his mother continues to smirk at him. “I am trying,” he admits, “I really am trying. But she is… unpredictable, and strange, and I never know what to expect with her.” He motions to the body currently pressed up against him, “For example, I don’t know what to do right now. The remote is on the other side of the room and I’m trapped underneath her. I can’t get up to grab it because then I’ll wake her up, but I’ve been staring at the rental page of this movie for fifteen minutes. My phone is dead, and every time I try to move she  _ growls _ at me. I’m stuck here.”

Ben's mom raises an eyebrow, leaning to look at the tv before looking back at Ben. “Did you-“

“Yes, I finished the movie by myself and it was better than I remembered.” He groans, Leia snorting in response as he shuts his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose. “But that confession stays in this room.” He threatens, scowling at her as he adjusts his grasp on Rey and pulls her tighter.

She mumbles against his chest as his mother raises her hands in surrender, grabbing the remote for him and passing it off with a sigh. She won’t tell anyone, Ben trusts her not to tell anyone.

Ben is trusting his mother a lot more these days.

“How is she… arranged?” She cautiously asks, handing Ben the remote as he gratefully pulls it into his palm. He lowers the blanket, suddenly incredibly thankful that Rey got uncomfortable straddling his hips and adjusted herself in his embrace.

He places a hand on her knee, two legs slung over his lap. “She’s sideways, sitting on my thigh. I think… I think my leg is starting to fall asleep?”

He leans his head back as his mom looks down his collar, jiggling his foot in response. Yep, his leg is definitely numb. She hums in curiosity, stepping away from him with a pensive look on her face. 

“You’re letting her treat you like a kangaroo, Ben. When are you going to tell her?”

“Tell her what?”

“That you  _ love her _ .”

Bens brain breaks, as he stares at his mom with wide eyes. “No, I don’t-“ 

He falls into a series of nervous noises as his mom crosses her arms with a scowl. She looms over him, tapping her foot on the ground as she waits for a cohesive response. Her patience is endless, really.

Ben could lie, but he doubts his mom would be content with that answer. It’s best just to be honest, he’s really trying to be more honest these days.

“She’s  _ dependent _ on me right now.” He admits, whispering just in case she wakes up. “If she didn’t feel the same, I would be forcing her out of our home. Her home. I’m  _ not _ going to put her in that position.”

His mom stares at him, like she can’t believe he just admitted to having feelings towards Rey. Because like any normal teenager he would avoid his parents at all costs when it comes to this stuff, but unfortunately the only person who he can normally talk to about this happens to be the only person he absolutely  _ cannot _ talk to about this.

And he has to tell somebody, he feels like he’s going to implode otherwise.

Because it’s true, Ben  _ loves _ her.

His mom takes a second to think, like she hadn’t considered that possibility before. She sighs, rubbing her forehead as she shrugs. “I’ll admit, you’re probably doing the right thing here. Even if I think you’re being silly.” She hums, reaching down and tucking a lock of Ben's hair behind his ear as he grumbles. “But don’t waste too much time, please. Tell her. You love her, and I think she loves you too. I just don’t want you to have any regrets, okay? It’s better to have it all out there than to let it fester, anyways.”

She kisses his forehead before pulling away, Ben continuing to grumble in the process. 

“Yes, mom.” He sighs, setting the remote down on Rey's bed and adjusting his grasp on her. She laughs something that sounds oddly like “parrots” as he sighs in exasperation. 

His mom leaves, turning back to him one more time. “On that note, all doors need to be open. Capeesh?” 

Ben grumbles in the affirmative, staring down at the carpet as he sighs. “Yes, mom.” He hums, as she turns and walks back down the stairs. 

He turns to look down at Rey, closing his own eyes as she mumbles in her sleep.

God, he can’t believe he just admitted he  _ like likes _ Rey to his _ mom _ . What is this girl  _ doing  _ to him?


	16. 16

Phasma makes her “surprise” home visit while Ben is out on Sunday, running errands and trying to find metallic blue paint.

It’s for a D&D thing, really, but he doesn’t know why nobody has metallic blue paint in stock right now. It’s like the universe doesn’t want him to find metallic blue paint. 

He pulls in front of his house, his normal spot currently occupied by a sleek silver BMW. Shit, Phasma’s here.

Ben grumbles as he parks on the street, double checking that he’s close to the curb before he hops out of the vehicle. He mentally blames Phasma if anybody scrapes his car, planning to move it to the safety of their driveway as soon as she leaves.

He grabs his little Michaels bag, slams his car door shut, and hurries his way inside. He swears to god, if-

He opens the door, to find Phasma grabbing Rey's face with a proud smirk in the kitchen. “You could have asked, you know.” She hums, the first words Ben has ever heard from her, as she examines Rey's ears.

She has the same accent as Rey, the same British lilt.

Ben connects the dots, and realizes Rey got it from her.

Rey shrugs, as Phasma moves her hands away from her face and leans against a counter in the open kitchen. “I know, I just- It wasn’t a need,” she sighs, crossing her arms. “I had other things to worry about-“

“Which you should have come and talked to me about-“

“I couldn’t. You know I couldn’t.”

Phasma nods, stoically crossing her arms as Ben quietly sets his bag on the counter and pulls out his paint. He sets the little container on the dining room table, as Phasma tentatively shakes out her hands and hugs Rey. She does it like she’s unused to hugs, to physical contact. To giving physical attention.

It’s the awkwardest hug Ben has ever seen, both of the women taking a second before finally relaxing and settling into it.

“I feel like I let you down.” She sighs, Ben stepping forward as Rey leans into her touch. “I’ve gotta take care of my kids, Rey. I’ve gotta protect you guys. I can’t do that if you don’t talk to me.”

Ben clears his throat after a long moment, the two women pulling away from each other as he awkwardly sticks his hands in his pockets. 

“Uh, hi.” He stammers out, after a strange moment passes.

He offers his hand, Phasma firmly shaking it as she eyes him up and down. Christ, okay, she has a firm grip. There goes the feeling in his hand.

“Ben, I’m- I’m Ben.” He chokes out, sticking his hands back in his pockets in order to save face.

Phasma turns to Rey, pointing at Ben like he isn’t in the room. “He’s the best friend?” She hums, raising an eyebrow as Rey proudly nods. 

“One and only.” She smiles, crossing her arms and turning to Ben with what he can only dare categorize as…

Admiration, maybe? Pride? He can’t really tell.

Ben nervously shrugs his shoulders, pulling all the way up to his ears as he kind of hunches in on himself. “Rey’s mentioned you before, during check-ins.” Phasma explains, although it doesn’t do much to soothe his nerves.

“Oh.” He hums, blushing as Rey shrugs and kicks at the floor. “I- Yeah. That’s me. Best friend.” 

_ I’m also hopelessly in love with her and she drives me crazy. I literally can’t stop thinking about kissing her. She trusts me and it’s tearing me apart, please just kill me because we all know I deserve it. _

He says none of this, just bobbing his head as Phasma unhelpfully chews on the inside of her cheek.

He nods as the three fall into an uncomfortable silence, Rey looking like she wants to say something, anything, as his mother comes bustling into the room. “Okay, I have- Oh! Ben, you’re back. I have photo albums from 2001 to 2006-“

“Oh  _ hell  _ no.” Ben curses, reaching forward and lifting the stack of scrapbooks out of her hands and into the air as Rey squeaks from her place next to him. He holds them up as his mother huffs at him, reaching for his hands with a small hop, and Rey giggles. “You are  _ not _ about to show strangers my baby photos, over my dead body. Sorry Rey.” He states, staring his mother down as she crosses her arms at him.

He tries to use his formidable height against her, but Leia Organa-Solo has faced down scarier monsters than an overgrown teenager.

“Ben, we’re building a case for Rey. Photos, now.”

Ben Solo is also extremely helpless against his mother when she asks nicely, because it’s his fucking  _ mom _ . 

“No, please.” He whines, still holding the albums over his head as Phasma snorts to his left. 

“Ben, Now.”

He whines again, as his mother sighs and sets her hands on her hips. “Benjamin Solo, hand me those albums right now or I’m telling Poe and Finns parents they can’t come over on Friday.”

Ben whines again, making noises of protest as he slowly lowers the albums. His mother stretches her fingers before grabbing them from him, moving the scrapbooks to the counter. 

She sets them next to a thick binder Ben didn’t notice earlier, clearly marked “Rey Niima” on the side. It’s overflowing with papers, and the navy edges are starting to peel from age. What are they getting themselves into, exactly?

Rey wraps her arms around him, coming under his arm as his mom starts flipping through the books. “Phasma brought my case file with her, I think they’re going to compare baby photos.”

Ben snorts, making a face at her as she scrunches her nose up at him. “You were a cute baby, I was not.” He states, one of the few truths he knows. Rey could never not be adorable, that’s just a fact.

She tugs him over to the other side of the counter as she rolls her eyes, and Phasma slowly opens up the aging binder. Ben slowly realizes it’s Rey’s entire life as she flips through the contents, everything she’s ever known. Every foster home, every school, every report card and test score-

“There’s nothing about my parents in that, by the way.” Rey hums, tugging on Ben's arm as she seems to read his mind. His mother perks her head up, “It was a closed adoption, well, more of an abandonment really-“

She looks up to Phasma, who nods after a moment and flips to the beginning of Reys files. She opens a dark plastic sleeve, starting to pull out photos as Rey tucks herself a little closer to Ben. “I was anonymously dropped off at a fire station, tucked in a cardboard box with grease rags. They tried to match me with descriptions of recently born babies at hospitals, but there were no good results.” She sniffles and shrugs, twitching her nose as Ben grabs her good hand and squeezes, “Phasma and I worked this out when I was younger, although legally I wasn’t supposed to know any of the details until I turned eighteen.”

“It’s a stupid law,” Phasma sighs, handing Leia a small stack of baby photos. She smiles and coos as Ben rolls his eyes. “You deserve to know where you come from, Rey.”

She mutters under her breath with a certain amount of disdain, as she continues to flip. “If you’re old enough to drive a car, you’re old enough to know your own history.”

Rey nods, firmly. She agrees. 

Phasma turns to Leia, as she passes the stack of photos to Ben and Rey. “Rey was a premie born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, she spent a month in the hospital after her birth. Worst case they had seen in awhile, and she was my first kid after I got licensed. She has no lasting side effects, but I thought it was important for her to know the risk as a teenager and young adult.” 

Leia nods solemnly at that, as Ben starts looking through the photos. She starts asking questions, as Ben smiles to himself.

Rey was tiny,  _ really _ tiny. She peers over his shoulder as he stares at a photo of her in the ICU, all sorts of  _ things _ plugged into her body that make an uncomfortable twist rise in his stomach. She’s not much more than a pink blob, he can hardly believe the woman standing next to him is the same as the baby in the photo.

He can’t imagine Rey ever being that dependent on  _ anybody _ .

“Isn’t it scary?” She hums, clinging tighter onto him. He puts his arm around her, mindlessly rubbing circles into her hip. “If they hadn’t gotten me to a hospital, if modern medicine wasn’t a thing, I don’t know if I would be alive.”

She places her hand on his back, as he turns down to her. “I don’t know if I would have met you.” She whispers, staring up at him and examining his face as she tugs on his shirt with her fingers.

He fights the urge to comfort her, to kiss her forehead again and tell her how much he loves her. How lucky he is that they found each other.

“In that case, I think we’re both pretty lucky.” He whispers instead. 

Rey giggles, as Ben moves to the next photos and Leia finishes showing a smirking Phasma Ben’s baby photos. “ _ Mom, _ ” he hisses, as she turns the book to Rey.

Rey bumps his hip, gasping as Leia points out a much younger version of herself and Han. 

Ben focuses on the photos of Rey, avoiding engaging in his own embarrassing content. If he ignores it now, he can ignore it later. He hopes.

Rey was just tiny. In general. Not that she isn’t now, but it strikes him how skinny she’s always been. How even with chubby cheeks and brown hair unsuccessfully swooped away from her face, she’s always been so  _ small _ .

Christ, this is weird.

“Is this Finn?” He asks, as he pulls out a photo of Rey and an oddly familiar brown baby. He smiles as Rey turns to him with a laugh.

Baby Rey is puffing her cheeks out and making a face at the camera as Finn stares at something above her, completely oblivious to the fact someone is taking a photo of them.

Rey's hair, or what little hair she had, is shoved into two little pigtails. 

But it’s the same eyes, the same hazel eyes that Ben can’t live without.

Rey snorts, checking the writing on the back of the photo as Ben pulls his phone out. “It is.” She laughs, handing the photo back to a curious Leia who examines it with new eyes. 

Ben snaps a pic of the photo when it gets handed back to him, quickly texting it to Finn with a quick explanation of what is currently going down.

Finn asks for baby Ben photos, unsurprisingly. Ben has no plans on sending any.

“Ben, oh my god, you’ve always had  _ ears _ .” Rey giggles into the palm of her hand as Leia nods. He crosses his arms as she gasps, pointing at a photo of Han asleep with Ben bundled up in his arms. His uncle Luke is midway through the frame, stance wide and arms crossed.

The description reads something snarky about his mom doing all of the work to make this child, and somehow Han is the one who needs rest. 

Ben looks so much like his Dad in that photo, it’s almost unnerving. 

“I mean, of course you had ears, but you’ve always had  _ big _ ears.” She giggles, finger sliding down the page and to a photo of a newborn baby Ben  _ pouting  _ at the camera. Ben knows she isn’t wrong, he’s always been accompanied by a pair of elephant ears.

Now that he looks at the images more closely, he realizes he’s making an upset face in almost every single photo his parents took.

At least it’s on brand.

Rey flips the page,  _ awwing _ as he scratches the back of his neck. “You were so cute,” she hums, eyes skating over the pages as he looks up at her. He could say the same, freckles and all.

“What happened?” She teases, scrunching her nose at him and meeting his eyes. He scowls at her, as she giggles. She can be real  _ smart _ sometimes.

Ben moves the book away from her, deciding that maybe she’s seen enough. “Alright,” He hums, as she whines in response, “if you’re going to be mean, we’re done here.”

“No!” She whines, gently tugging the book back and flipping ahead a few pages to find a Ben that’s a little more human looking. “I want to compare baby- _ holy shit.” _

“Language, Rey.” Phasma sighs, as Rey starts giggling and Leia sighs.

“Look at you!” Rey hums, tapping her finger against a picture of Ben. He’s staring at something off camera in concern, shoving sand in his mouth from a playground or beach situation. His face is unevenly slathered in sunscreen, and he has the dopiest little sunhat on that gives him a weird double chin. It doesn’t even begin to get his ear situation under control, and his hair…

Considering he knows his dad forgot to feed him once or twice as a baby, he’s not surprised by the situation at all. This photo screams Han Solo. He can’t believe his own father let him out in public like that.

Rey giggles, as Ben hands her the stack of photos he’s still holding in an attempt to bribe her and free the album from her grasp.

She just takes them both, gently placing her photo next to his.

Looking at the pair of them.

All sorts of thoughts flood into Bens brain at that, as he shifts his focus to Reys pursed lips and clever twinkle in her eye. Her thinking face, that’s her thinking face. What is she thinking?

He wonders if she’s thinking what he’s thinking.

God, he- he knows he shouldn’t even be entertaining this right now. He’s in high school, he isn’t even in a relationship with Rey, he knows he doesn’t even want kids until he’s at least a decade older-

But wouldn’t it be wild to have one of those, some day?

With  _ her _ ? 

Ben has kind of always wanted kids, even if his own parents make it difficult to see the logic in. He just does, he can’t describe it. It’s just something he knows he wants to do, as long as he has someone to do it with.

He decides that if he were lucky enough to have kids, and have them with Rey, he would want them to take after her. Her cleverness, her smarts. Her looks, certainly. Maybe he would be okay with a kid having his eyes, but this has only cemented the fact that he wants a future with Rey, no matter what it looks like.

And for the first time, that doesn’t terrify Ben.

It still scares him, but it just doesn’t  _ terrify _ him anymore. Not by any means.

His mom and Phasma continue to bond over stories of the two, how Rey was infamous for biting kids during kindergarten and Ben had the worst separation anxiety. They both threw massive temper tantrums over the smallest issues, of course.

And you know what? Ben doesn’t find it as damning to have Rey know this anymore either.


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these two fumbling idiots, they're so fucking stupid.
> 
> I love them.

That night is the first time Reys hears Ben’s parents fight, like really fight.

She had been hanging out on her own after Phasma left, watching YouTube videos on the floor and trying to find out what the latest internet drama was, when it started. Two voices, slowly growing in intensity, coming up the staircase. Han had come home late, just barely getting to do his interview with and meet Phasma before she had to leave for a meeting. Leia is angry because she thinks it was unprofessional and she says she needs Han to be more responsible. 

He embarrassed her.

Ben said it would happen eventually, because that’s just how his parents tend to function, but she hadn’t been expecting it to happen so soon.

Or for it to be so  _ loud _ .

And Rey has dealt with fighting caregivers before, she is no stranger to this. She’s sat on staircases and listened to adults argue and fight over everything from finances to Reys grades. She’s watched adults duke it out until someone ends up on the couch, or until one pushes too far and the other starts crying. She’s seen couples who bicker and pick fights over everything, and ones who let it steam and boil over until there are screaming matches that reduce Rey to burying her head under her pillows and crying herself to sleep.

She’s seen couples who don’t fight, too, although those memories don’t seem to last as long as the ones that do. 

It’s an unfortunate truth to her life.

She brings her hood over her head, suddenly very glad that she’s stolen one of Ben's sweatshirts again just because it smells like him. She turns up the volume on her phone as she tries to use the fabric to block out the fighting, because she knows it has to be about her. She knows it has to be about something she’s done, because isn’t it always about her? Isn’t she always the problem? The unexpected financial burden, the responsibility, the  _ child _ ?

She blinks, video forgotten and audio continuing to play as she blankly stares at the wall in front of her. Her fault, it’s always her fault. She isn’t welcome here, at least not completely.

She doesn’t even realize she’s started sniffling, on the brink of tears, when Ben pokes his head into her room in concern. He grimaces as she stares at him in shock, and he just kind of awkwardly stares back.

He looks back to the hallway, yelling still coming up the stairs, as he mutters a quiet “fuck it.” and storms into her room. He slides in next to her on the floor, aggressively bringing his legs to his chin as he pulls his own hoodie over his head.

He sits side to side with her, laying a hand over her knees as she copies him and brings her legs up to her chin as well.

Rey watches him, studies his features, as Han yells something that includes Ben's name. His eyes are a little bloodshot, like he’s really trying to bury his tears with something else, and he uses the sleeve of his sweatshirt to rub under his nose. He sighs and sets his face in his arms, digging his hand into his sleeve as Rey blinks.

She wants to do something, she really wants to do something. He’s upset, and she doesn’t like that she’s upset.

She wants to protect him.

Rey gently grabs his hand, moving his arm and sliding under it. She slowly shifts to his lap, straddling his hips like the day before and lowering his face to her neck. “I-I’m giving you permission to cry, if you need to.” She whispers, licking her lips. It’s something a teacher told her once, that sometimes people need permission to do something new. That they need to know it’s alright. “You can cry around me, Ben. You can always cry around me.”

He wraps his arms around her, as the shouting continues, and holds her close as she sets her own face against his neck. She knows it isn’t much, but it’s something. She can protect him too.

She can be there for him.

Ben shudders against her, and she feels him blink as warm tears hit her neck. She blinks back her own, unsuccessfully, as he quietly cries against her. He shakes, and silently gasps for air when he needs to, but Rey realizes that Ben is a very quiet crier. If she didn’t feel his tears against her neck, she doubts she would even know he was crying.

He cries like someone who knows how to hide their tears. 

That in itself makes Rey even more of a teary wreck, clutching onto Ben as he sighs into her shoulder and pulls her tighter as the shouting continues. What has he been through to make him act like this? Do his parents make him feel like he can’t cry around them? Is he scared?

She grows angry on his behalf, although she takes a deep breath as he sways her side to side in a reassuring manner. There is no use to getting angry right now.

“Ben?” She finally finds the courage to hum after his tears slow, and he sighs. His eyelashes are all wet, and although he mumbles in affirmation that he heard her, the boy nuzzles closer against her neck instead of lifting his head up.

“Don’t ever yell at me like that, please. I won’t yell at you either, just-” Rey hums, voice breaking as she draws her arms around his neck. She keeps her voice as quiet as possible, barely at a whisper. “If there’s one thing I ask of you,  _ never _ yell at me like that. You’re scary enough as is, okay?”

She tries to give him a dry smile, as he lifts his head away in what she might call fear. His hand goes to her face, gently rubbing a stray tear away as she flutters her eyes shut and leans towards his touch.

His voice breaks as he gently rubs her face, “Do I scare you?”

He whispers it, just loud enough for the two of them to hear, as the shouting match starts to settle downstairs. When Rey opens her eyes, Ben is staring back at her with terror in his eyes.

He’s scared that he scares her. He doesn’t want to scare her.

“No!” She corrects, biting her lip and settling in against him. “No, but-“ She sighs, really trying to pull herself together as she stares at his tear stained eyes. She reaches out and cleans his face with her sleeve as Ben huffs, chewing on her lip in focus as she rubs his cheek.

He kisses her hurt palm, as she makes her way across his face. She forces herself to finish the thought, because he deserves to know.

“You’re a big, tall guy with a deep voice. Not only are you half a foot taller than me, but you’re probably strong enough to seriously fuck someone up. I don’t want that to be me.”

She shrugs, like the long-held terror women have of men isn’t seriously the conversation they’re having right now.

Ben grabs her hands, settling them up and around his neck. He looks her dead in the eye, as the fighting starts up again downstairs. “Rey, I will never, ever, yell at you or hurt you. Okay? I’m not going to do that, I will  _ never _ do that to you. I love you, I don’t want to be a thing that scares you.”

Rey nods, taking a shuddering breath and blinking rapidly as Ben continues to reassure her that he’ll never let his emotions get the best of him as his parents continue to fight behind her. That she doesn’t have to worry about any of that,  _ ever _ , because he’ll protect her from anyone who even tries to hurt her.

Ben Solo is not his parents.

He gets all huffy, pulling her tight against his chest as she starts crying all over again. She buries her face in his collar as she hiccups, because she can’t even begin to explain what that means to her. What it means to know that Ben wants to defend her, and he’s promising to always be in her corner. She already trusts him, but knowing that he  _ wants _ to be trusted just makes her love him even more.

Ben confuses this for literally anything but what it is, as she muffles her sobs into his shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. We’re okay.” The shouting continues, as he places his head back in her neck and holds her for a while longer. “We’re safe, just give them a couple more minutes. I’ve got you, I promise.”

Rey nods, and shuts her eyes as she tries to block out Leia and Hans arguing and just focuses on Ben's heartbeat.

She loves his heartbeat.

She loves his  _ heart. _

//☆//

Ben stays with Rey until she falls asleep that night, after a quiet dinner punctuated by Reys snuffles and Ben's plate stabbing.

It’s the tensest meal Ben has ever had, because he thinks both of his parents realize Rey isn’t sniffling because of a cold.

But she still smiles, and thanks them for dinner, and Ben practically hauls her up the stairs before his mother can get a word in edgewise. 

And then he stays, brushing his teeth with her, finishing some last minute studying, and prepping for the week ahead together. Ben rewraps her hand for her, and they watch  _ Chopped _ until they’re both weary eyed and yawning.

Rey shivered at one point, and Ben let her put his sweatshirt on over her pajamas to keep warm. He realizes he’s not actually going to get to keep any of his clothes to himself, at this rate.

She fell asleep after that, laying across his chest in her bed, which means now he really has to say goodnight. 

He carefully stands up, shifting out from underneath her as they cuddle in her bed. She makes a bunch of confused and worried noises as he pulls away, Ben sleepily rubbing her side as she calms back down and falls into slumber again. 

He checks to make sure nobody is waiting in the hallway, leaning down and pressing a long kiss to her forehead. She reaches up and grabs his shirt in her sleep, whispering his name as he smiles. 

“Go to sleep,” he hums, kissing her forehead again and tucking a curl behind her ear, “we have a long week ahead of us, I need you to sleep, sweetheart.”

She grumbles, releasing him as he steps away. He closes her curtains for her, rubbing his eyes as he shuts off the upstairs lights and makes sure nothing is on. 

He nearly runs into his Dad as he turns around, grunting into surprise as he sidesteps him and stumbles towards his room. He really isn’t interested in-

“Is Rey alright?” He asks, as Ben twists open his door. “Your- Mom said I should come and apologize. Check in on you two.”

Ben shrugs, pausing in his partly opened doorway. “She’s a little shaken, but she’s fine.” He sighs, watching his mom come up the stairs as well. He manages to keep his voice quiet as he shrugs, “it kind of-“

He bites his tongue, he doesn’t know if he wants to be having a conversation about Rey's trauma without her permission. It doesn’t seem right.

“She’s fine now.” He sighs, deeming that it’s all they need to know. The fight scared her, Ben stayed to comfort her, and it might take a little bit of time before she can feel comfortable again, but she’s essentially fine now.

His Mom grabs his Dad's hand, the two looking at each other in concern as Ben leans against his door frame. 

“Alright.” Han finally sighs, turning to look at her closed curtains. “Get some rest, tell her that everything is okay.” 

Ben shrugs, because he finds that difficult to believe. 

His mom steps forward and reaches out to pull his face down to kiss his cheek, Ben automatically recoiling with a growl. 

She steps away with a confused huff, as his father crosses his arms and straightens his back. 

“She’ll get used to it.” Ben sighs, turning away from them and stepping into his room. “I did.” 

He closes the door on his parents, walking around his bedroom and shaking out his hands in the effort to expel all of this energy building in his body. He’s angry, but not like usual. This doesn’t feel like his usual roaring anger.

This feels quiet, deep. Like something in the center of his soul has been cracked open.

He takes a couple deep breaths, continuing to pace. How dare they- he can’t believe-

Rey was supposed to feel safe here, comforted and protected. She was supposed to be safe, and Ben was supposed to give her that. He was supposed to protect her.

He continues to pace, trying to work out all this extra energy as he times his breathing. Deep breathing, that’s what she told him to do. 

There’s a knock on his door, at some point in time later, and Ben growls in response. “What?” He spits, unable to fathom what else his parents could try and do here. 

Rey pokes her head in, rubbing sleep from her eyes as his shoulders fall. “You’re upset.” She states, slipping into his room. He watches as she checks the hallway before quietly shutting the door behind her. “I don’t know- you’re upset. I can feel it.” She hums, leaning against the back of the door as Ben shoves his hands under his arms and nods.

“You left me.” She murmurs, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him. “You left me, even though you said you wouldn’t.”

Ben nods again, lowering his arms and embracing her.

“Don’t leave me again.” She sighs with a shaking voice, holding him tight as Ben leans down and presses his lips to her temple. 

“You know why I did, right?” He sighs in response, Rey rubbing his back as she nods. 

They just stand there, holding each other in the dark. A million and a half unspoken things between them.

“I know.” She finally resigns, slumping against him. Ben leads them both to his bed, planning on just sitting with her for a while until they get wound down again. Until she feels comfortable sleeping alone and he isn’t a seething ball of rage anymore.

She seems to have other plans, crawling into his lap and sprawling herself out across his chest. “Rey, we can’t-“

“I know, let me leave on my own terms.” She states, nuzzling into his neck as he grumbles. If they get caught, it’ll be game over for both of them. No second chances, no loopholes. If they get caught in the same bed Ben knows they’ll both be dead meat.

He pulls her tighter anyways, leaning his head back as she wiggles up his body and sets her face in his neck. Her arms go around his torso, under his arms, as he trails his fingers up her spine and he stares at a spot on the wall.

Their breathing slows, matching each other as Ben counts to ten and back to one.

“I love you.” She hums, squeezing her eyes shut and hanging onto him. “I just- I really love you. I don’t know what else to say other than  _ I love you _ .” 

Ben nods, gently cradling her neck in his palm. He experiments with rubbing the back of it between his thumb and forefinger, finding the spots that make her purr and relax under his touch. “I know.” He sighs, kissing her temple. “I love you too.”

She runs her hands under his shirt, directly over his stomach, as he shivers. It’s not an usual act for her these days, but usually there’s still a barrier of fabric between them. Usually she makes these circles on his stomach  _ over _ his shirt, not under.

“Ben?” She finally asks after a moment, fingers tracing his abdominal muscles, “When the hell did these happen?”

Ben just stares down at her, as she shamelessly pushes his shirt up and stares at his body. At the developing muscles that make him oddly uncomfortable with himself. He squirms a little as she examines him, lowering the shirt before she can get a real good look.

“I don’t know,” he squeaks, as Rey huffs and looks up at him. “Earlier this year, maybe?”

She pinches his side, lifting the shirt up again and grabbing his wrists in her palm to stop him from hiding. He huffs as she stares, running the flat plane of her bandaged hand over the rolling mountains and valleys of his stomach.

He sighs, and flexes his abs for her as she gasps. “What the  _ fuck? _ ” She whispers, turning up to him with a look of confusion. “Okay, you have to stop wearing hoodies all the time. Like, now. You can’t be hiding this from the people anymore. They deserve to know.”

Ben groans, as she wiggles down and places her cheek over his stomach. He drops his hands and relaxes with a sigh, or at least tries to with Rey curled up next to him. His stomach evens out a little more, as she all but rubs her face along his skin. “Rey-“ he mumbles, shifting uncomfortably at all this attention as she pops her head back up. 

He looks at her messy hair, bright eyes shining in wonder at him. He grimaces as she clings onto him, because the last thing he wants right now is any more attention from his peers. He doesn’t exactly think people would make fun of him for his muscle mass, especially if it’s just a genetic thing, but he doesn’t want to deal with it anyways. The talk, the attention...

Rey's head twists, as Ben leans his head back. She gets this awful look in her eye, he realizes, when she’s planning something. Learning something, putting the pieces together.

“You don’t think you’re attractive.” She hums, scooting up his body and into his side. Ben wraps an arm around her, as he looks down and into her eyes and she nestles closer into him. She has an angry pout on her face, as she examines him. “I don’t think you know how attractive you are, Ben.” 

He continues to scowl, as she presses a finger into his forehead to urge him back down. 

“I’m not-“ he hums, stalling as Rey gently pushes his face as you would a pushy dog at the dinner table. Just enough to remind them who’s in charge, that they need to knock it off.

“You are!” She hums, muffling her giggles into his arm. “You are so handsome, oh my god, do you not know this?”

Ben makes a noise of non-commitment, as he pulls Rey tighter against him. No, he’s not. He doesn’t think he’s a particularly attractive man. 

Rey's hand skates across his stomach again, and Ben's whole body twitches at the contact. “Okay, first off, example A. Look at this fucking stomach. This should be illegal, nobody’s genetics should just give them a boost on a fucking six pack-“

“It’s an eight pack, but thank you-“

“Fuck off.”

She slaps his stomach, and the hollow sound reverberates through the dark room as they giggle. 

“As I was saying,” she hums, sliding her hand up to his pecks. Ben tries to make himself chill the fuck out, although it doesn’t seem to do much as she slides two fingers up the middle of his chest.

Ben gulps, and wiggles as Rey nuzzles into his bicep. “Is this okay?” She checks, voice barely more than a whisper.

Ben nods, not trusting his own voice as she sighs into his skin. This is way more than okay, he never wants her to stop touching him.

She slides her hand to the left, cupping his pec as he snorts in surprise. What is she doing?

She wiggles against him, running her thumb over his nip before sliding her hand out from under his shirt and grabbing his bicep. She giggles as Ben full body shivers, not used to being touched like this. Ever. He can’t tell if this is heaven or hell, to be honest.

“You have such nice arms, by the way.” She hums, looking up at him as he sighs and leans his head back. The only way he’ll survive this is, like, intense meditation. “I had no idea you had arms like this. Or hands. I hate that you don’t realize how handsome you are. Are your thighs-“

Ben snatches up her hand in his before she can grab his thigh, because at this point there’s a high probability she’ll hit something else along the way. Something he really doesn’t want her to know is happening. “Rey.” He growls in warning, a little darker and lower than he intended. 

He can’t tell in the dark, but he watches her eyes widen and her mouth part a little. Is she blushing? Shit, maybe the desperation on his face is showing, the way she’s driving him absolutely nuts and doesn’t even know it.

She drops his hand, hiding her face in his chest as she squeaks out a sorry. Ben just rubs her back in comforting strokes, rubbing his face and trying to pass it off like exhaustion as he sighs.

He yawns, involuntarily, as Rey does the same. 

“You have a nice face, too.” She finally squeaks out, making no move to leave. Ben still doesn’t find it in himself to force her out, even after that. “I know you don’t like your ears, but I love them. You have a dignified face- Ben?”

He stares up at the ceiling and gulps, as Rey rises on one arm to look down at him. To continue her appraisal.

She examines him for a moment, as he eyes her suspiciously and the corners of her mouth quirk up into a smile. What is she doing? What is her angle here? What does she want from him, with all these compliments?

“You have a lovely face,” she sighs, motioning to him with two fingers, “Uh, may I?”

He narrows his eyes, although he nods in response. He doesn’t really understand-

Rey tucks his hair behind his right ear, before sliding her fingers down his jaw. She sets her thumb on his bottom lip as she smiles, and Ben can swear she licks her own lips as she stares at his. It takes everything in him to not dart his tongue out and kiss the pad of her thumb because it’s still resting  _ right _ over his lip.

Her eyes shoot up to his, and they stare at each other for a moment. Ben watches as her eyes soften, and her head tilts.

He really can’t tell if she’s blushing or not in the darkness, and it’s only driving him a little insane.

She giggles as she slowly moves her fingers to his nose, Ben leaning his head back and sighing as she gently traces the ridge. “I love this.” She hums, gently kissing the tip. “I don’t know why, but I love your nose. I think it’s- I think it’s beautiful.”

Ben snorts, as Rey retreats and curls back up under his arm. 

They lie like that for a long time, Rey picking at the hem of his tee as he absentmindedly rubs her back. 

The silence is fucking deafening.

“You really think so?” He finally whispers, breaking the quiet as she nods. 

“Ben Solo,” she hums, closing her eyes and molding her body to his side, “I think you’re the most handsomest man I’ve ever met.”

Ben makes an ugly noise, as Rey giggles. “Oh my god.” He laughs, as she snickers into his side like she’s just said the funniest thing in the universe. Like she knows how ridiculous she is.

Most handsomest man she’s ever met… what an honor. 

Not that he’s deserving of proper grammar or anything.

They fall back into silence. Far more companionable this time. “Promise you’re going to leave before you fall asleep?” He asks, blowing against her forehead in lieu of a kiss as she nods. He watches the baby hairs around her face flutter as she grips on tighter. “I really can’t have you stay here all night, I don’t want to risk getting in trouble with my parents. We’re already in hot water-“

Ben freezes, because he didn’t tell Rey about the conversation with his mom and all of his reasons for why he really  _ shouldn’t _ be pursuing a relationship with her right now are popping back up in his mind. He groans as Rey clings onto him, huffing as she rubs her face against his side.

She’s gonna fucking kill him, this woman is going to fucking muder him.

“I promise.” She hums, not asking for clarification. “I promise, I’ll leave before morning-“

“ _ Rey- _ “

“Okay, fine, sheesh. I’ll leave before I fall asleep. Better?”

Ben sighs, nodding as she giggles. 

He closes his eyes as she tucks them both under his blankets, knowing that this is an awful idea and they could not be putting themselves in a worse situation.

Ben groans, and lets himself do it anyways.


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone tell me why I wrote so much I have so many regrets oh my god

Rey wakes up in an odd situation.

Something is pushing against her shoulder, her entire back actually, and something else is wrapped around her body and holding her captive. Something warm, and heavy, and gently snoring.

_ Shit, she fell asleep in Ben's bed. _

Rey squeaks and wiggles, the creature behind her grunting and tugging her tighter into his chest as she adjusts to the faint pre-dawn light. He snorts into her neck as she shivers, trying to figure out how exactly she ended up here and under his covers.

She fell asleep in her own bed, with Ben, and then she woke up when his door slammed. It took a minute or two for her to gain her bearings, but she managed to find her footing and drag herself over to his room.

He was upset, and although she still doesn’t know what happened, she comforted him and lied in his bed for a while. She said she wanted to leave on her own terms, and he agreed, and then she…

They can skip over that part, actually.

And then she fell asleep in his bed. After promising him that she wouldn’t do exactly that.

Ben sighs against her skin, warm breath cascading down her back and holding her to his chest as he moves his lips over her shoulder. She can’t help the smile that appears on her face, as she comes back to her own senses and realizes that Ben is holding her hands in his sleep. Covering them with his own, really.

Their arms are crossed over her front, and his fingers are interlocked with hers. He’s even being gentle with her bandaged palm, holding it a little less tightly than her left. It’s… sweet.

She muffles her laugh into a pillow, as Ben whines and tugs her closer. Her entire body fits within the curve of his, she is encapsulated within his grasp.

She loves it. She shouldn’t, but she’s never been happier. She could spend the rest of her life like this.

Ben decides then to shift his hips against hers, happily grumbling in his sleep as she near chokes on her spit and freezes. 

Alright, okay, she knows male anatomy somewhat well. With the internet and biology classes, she’s not a total stranger to the concept of dick. 

Having one pressed up against her ass is an entirely different story. 

Yeah, okay, she needed to leave like. Yesterday.

Rey slowly lifts up his arms as her heart skitters, slipping out from his grasp and holding her breath as she prays to whoever might be up there that Ben doesn’t wake up right now. She untangles her legs from his, somehow locked together in sleep, as she crawls out of his bed and lands on the floor with a tiny thunk in the process. 

She turns to sit up on the floor, staring at Ben as he furrows his brow and whines. He reaches out for her, and it takes way more will power than Rey expected to not go running back to his warm arms. Really, it’s near impossible.

She stands up instead, crossing her arms and staring at him. He looks… upset. She doesn’t want to leave him upset, oddly.

She also needs to leave a note, because there’s no way in hell she can let this exist between them. Because, first off, Rey can’t keep secrets from Ben right now. Maybe two weeks ago she could have kept this to herself, but not anymore. Not when she wants to avoid screwing this up at all costs and she knows Ben values honesty above all else. 

And second off, she’ll never be able to look him in the eye again if they have to speak about this in person. If he asks her about any details, anything he did in his sleep that might have been embarrassing, she might die of mortification.

She grabs a post-it from his desk, searching for a pencil before quickly scribbling down a message and tearing it off of the pad.

_ Fell asleep in your bed last night _

_ Sorry _

_ Rey. _

She stares at it for a moment, making the conscious decision to not add any more info before sticking it on Ben's forehead and fleeing as quickly as possible.

_ Shit, shit, shit. _

//☆//

The rest of the day is awkward as all hell, starting with Ben sitting red faced across from her in her  _ very _ clearly cold bed as he silently sips on his coffee. They don’t even say anything to each other for the first twenty minutes of the morning, just scrolling on their phones and flinching every time one of them moves against the other.

Rey wonders if it was a mistake to tell Ben she stayed. If it would have been better to pretend like everything is normal.

She decides it’s not, because she doesn’t want to be the type of person who doesn’t communicate with him.

The silence continues through the entire day, raising some suspicious stares from friends when they sit next to each other but don’t speak during lunch. They didn’t have a fight, so they’re not avoiding each other, they just…

Rey doesn’t know what to say.  _ Sorry I fell asleep in your bed last night, it’s the most soundly I’ve slept in years, I think I’m falling in love with you and I’m terrified. Looking at those photos yesterday made me want to bear you many strong children, and hearing you say you were never going to raise your voice or yell at me like you couldn’t fathom the idea of hurting me has put me on an emotional rollercoaster.  _

No, clearly, she can’t just tell him that. That might be the worst idea she’s ever had. 

She sighs, and leans her head against his shoulder during lunch. She watches him write in his English notebook, some mindless writing assignment, and shivers.

He turns to her, setting his pencil down in the bend of his book. “You alright?” He asks, leaning a little closer as she nods. She can feel his eyes on her as she scoots closer, searching for body heat. 

It’s cold today, because of course the one day she’s freezing her ass off she doesn’t feel comfortable asking Ben for a spare jacket or something. Of course this would be her life.

He reaches in his bag anyways, pulling out one of her sweaters. “You packed up without one, I figured you might- I didn’t go through- It was laying out. Figured you might get cold.”

Rey just stares at it, as Ben offers it in his clenched palm.

He continues to hold it out, as Rey stares at it like an idiot.

She grabs it, finally, and quickly slips it over her shoulders before tucking herself under Bens arm.

She loves him so much, it’s stupid. 

//☆//

They still aren’t really talking when they get home, Rey feeling progressively more and more uneasy as Ben remains like a stoic soldier next to her. He moves like he’s made of wood, all stiff joints and straight posture. She swears he jumps every time she makes a noise.

He leaves the curtain open when they sit in her room to do homework, and they don’t touch as they start working in silence.

Rey takes more note of that than she ought to.

They get about thirty minutes into calc when Rey sets down her pen, sighing as Ben continues to scratch at the paper. His brow is all furrowed, pencil making harsh little noises as he solves and solves.

“Ben.” She finally murmurs, and his head shoots up like he’s been waiting all day for her to say something. His eyes are so soft, concerned, as she bends her knees and places her head on them. “We need to talk about what happened, this whole silent treatment thing isn’t working and we both know it.”

He stares for a moment, as she watches him reflect and think.

Ben nods, clicking his mechanical pencil and leaning back against her bed frame. “What… do you want to talk about?” He hums, voice cracking in the middle of the ‘you’.

She categorizes that in her Ben folder, under the section “is he flirting or not/holy shit does my best friend who I am currently living with have a crush on me/do I have a crush on him”.

It’s a rapidly growing file, but that might just be because Rey is actually looking for the signs that she was ignoring before. Most of the contents are previous encounters, now recategorized due to new context.

She stares at him for a moment too long, as his face screws up in an ill attempted smile. 

“Last night, we- we need to talk about last night.” She clarifies, her own voice coming out squeakier than she means. Than she wants it to.

Ben nods, turning away from her as she does the same.

She eventually gives up, moving and crawling across the carpet and into his lap. “I’m sorry I didn’t leave, I should have respected your boundaries. I just really, really didn’t want to. I tried to stay awake, but I think my exhaustion got the best of me.”

Ben wraps his arms around her, and she relaxes into his embrace. “It’s okay, I-“

He freezes, and Rey can feel the uneasiness radiate off of him. He’s not letting go, he needs to let go of whatever is holding him back. Whatever is holding them back from each other.

“If it were just us in the house, just you and me, I think I would have stayed with you from the get-go.” He admits, somehow not shocking Rey. “If it was just us, I would be-“ 

He grumbles something incomprehensible into her neck as he leans forward, and Rey laughs. “I know.” She mumbles, staring to card her fingers through his thick, dark hair. “You would have stayed, and we would have ended up in this situation anyways.”

Ben nods, smiling into her skin as she settles into his lap.

She pulls away, tugging his face down and kissing his forehead. He stiffens under her touch, as she engages in this weird little layer of language they have. “I’m gonna tell you something that you can’t tell anybody else, ever.” She hums, biting her lip and looking in his eyes for any sort of trepidation, any sort of uneasiness at this stage of their friendship. Any sign that he doesn’t want this.

She finds none.

“Rey, I have no interest in discussing our sleeping habits with anybody else.” He sighs, visibly more relaxed as she laughs. 

“It was, honestly, the best night's rest I’ve ever had.” She admits, conceding to this truth that has been nagging at the back of her brain all day. Ben lights up, like someone just told him he won a million dollars and it’s Christmas Day. “I think it was the fact you held me literally all night, it’s going to be very difficult to not get used to that.”

Ben chuckles and grins, as Rey slides off his lap and grabs her work. She scoots in next to him, throwing her legs over his as he shakes his head with a smile.

He rubs her leg and goes back to scratching at the paper, the silence still a little awkward between them but less so now that Rey has revealed her hand.

“You wanna know a secret?” Ben hums, smirking as Rey lifts her head up in confusion. Her heart starts pounding, as he uses his extra hand to stroke her calve and he stares her down. She tries to fight an inevitable blush, gulping as he watches her. She feels oddly trapped in his eyes, caged like a scared animal.

“You are very difficult to say no to.” He finally admits, like he’s choosing between multiple revelations. Like this is only one of many.

The fear dies, and Rey breathes out in relief.

She snorts, reaching over and bopping the top of his head with her notebook. “No shit, Sherlock. What do you think I’ve been doing? This is all part of my master plan.”

Ben just turns to her in confusion, a slight look of betrayal running over his face before Rey clarifies her statement with a twist of her hand in his hair. “You don’t think I drool on just anyone, do you?”

Ben laughs again, smiling in relief as Rey giggles. She  _ really _ likes to make Ben laugh.

She thinks she could get used to his laugh.


	19. 19

“I have to pee.” Rey finally states after at least an hour of studying, using Ben's shoulders to pull herself up and off the ground. He tries to pull her back down by the sleeve of her jacket, huffing as she pushes at his head and steps away from him.

Shit, he was just getting into the groove of working with her. “You’re disrupting my  _ flow _ .” He complains, as Rey snorts and flips him the bird. He rolls his eyes as she disappears into the bathroom, and he goes back to solving calc equations.

He taps his pencil along the paper, getting stuck somewhere around the third part of this problem. Something isn’t lining up, but he honestly has no clue what. 

Rey curses from the bathroom, loudly growling as Ben jumps. He hears her shout a loud “Fuck!” as he freezes, pencil a good inch away from his paper.

He listens as she washes her hands, still grumbling and talking to herself, and pokes her head out the door.

“So.” She hums, all red in the face as Ben stares in confusion.

She closes her eyes, like she can’t bear to look at him right now. What the fuck did she do? She was gone for like three minutes?

“I’m bleeding from my vagina and I need your help.” She whines, squeezing her eyes shut and squishing her face between the door and the doorframe. She slides down a little as Ben blinks at her, still kind of processing her statement.

Bleeding- vaginas- oh! Oh, Ben knows what this is! He knows what she’s referencing!

Oh, shit, Ben knows what this is. 

He gulps in confused terror, as Rey finally opens her eyes and stares at him. He can see the uncertainty in her expression as she continues to use the door to squish her face and hide. “Ben,  _ please _ .” She begs, as he jumps on his feet and near trips over himself in the process. He knows the concept well enough, but Ben doesn’t actually know what to do here.

“What, uh, do you need?” He asks, gulping and twiddling with his hands. He steps forward a little, as Rey groans and goes even pinker. 

“Can you please go and search through your mother's bathroom for tampons or something? I know it’s kind of gross-“

“No, no way.” Ben states, making a slicing X motion with his hands as he panics. “There is no way in hell I am searching through my parents bathroom drawers, I don’t want to know what kind of secrets they’re keeping from me.” 

He shudders, as Rey groans and tilts her head back. “Ben, oh my god, I’m bleeding from my vagina. It’s fucking niagra falls in here. Can you  _ please _ just go and find me a tampon or  _ something _ to help me out so I can go and get my own.”

“No!” He squeaks, “I can’t just go through my parents bathroom! That’s not an option!”

“Ben, I swear to god, if you don’t move within the next twenty seconds I’m going to throw a roll of toilet paper at your head.”

He groans, walking in a small circle to control his nerves as Rey narrows her eyes at him.

“Okay,” he hums, “are there options that don’t involve me snooping through my parents shit? Because I really don’t want to find something I regret today, I don’t think I can emotionally handle that.” 

Rey huffs, as he crosses his arms and she sighs.

“We have three options,” she begins with a sigh, still trapped in the doorway. “Either you need to go and find me a tampon from your mom's bathroom, I need to shove half a roll of toilet paper in my pants and hope for the best, or,” she takes a deep breath, muttering the last option, “you need to go to the store and buy me  _ feminine hygiene products _ like right now.”

Ben freezes, because the last one actually makes the most sense even if it makes him uncomfortable down to his very bones. He has a car, and he was going to offer to drive Rey anyways. Because of course he would, he’s not a fucking  _ monster. _

He’s an adult man, right? He can do this. He thinks. God, he hopes.

He leans down and grabs his keys from his backpack, as Rey whines. “I can just go and pick them up, no big deal.” He shrugs, hoping he’s playing it off cooler than he feels. The look she gives him says his attempt was unsuccessful.

Rey visibly relaxes anyways, as he pulls on his shoes and she huffs. It strikes him how oddly right this whole situation is, how right it feels to be doing this. 

To be talking to her like this, offering to buy her tampons as she mutters her thanks. 

“Wait!” She squeaks, reaching a hand through the crack in the door. “I need my phone, I’m gonna text you the brand otherwise you’re gonna freak out.”

Ben sighs, grabbing her phone and placing it in her outstretched palm. “I’m not gonna freak out, I’ll be fine.” He hums, as Rey snorts behind him.

It’s just a fucking tampon, that’s all.

//☆//

There are way too many brands of tampons. 

That’s the first thing Ben decides when he walks down the appropriate aisle of the grocery store, scrolling to his text exchange with Rey and searching for the link she sent him as he groans.

He crosses his arms, surrounded by more feminine hygiene products than he ever wanted. Ever needed, really.

He wants to  _ leave. Now. _

But he made a promise to Rey, she’s depending on him to do this for her. He needs to find these fucking tampons, no matter how many brands he has to look at or how much internal humiliation he has to overcome.

He groans and rubs his face with his palm, muttering to himself about  _ medium flows  _ and  _ pearl verses pocket _ when someone calls his name.

“Ben?” Principal Holdo asks, as he stands up straight and freezes. 

They lock eyes, Ben on one end of the aisle examining tampons and principal Holdo just trying to buy some damn pasta sauce or something.

They stare at each other, Ben reading confusion all over his poor principals face, as he goes into fight or flight mode like some panicked tropical bird. Adrenaline drips through his veins as he tries to figure out what the hell to do with the tampons currently clutched in his palms. He can’t just throw them and run, that seems rude, but so does running at all. 

They stare for a second longer, Principal Holdo seemingly checking that Ben is alone and thoroughly by himself, before quickly jogging over to him with a concerned, confused, but gentle smile on her face. “You look a little lost, kid.” She hums, staring up at him as he huffs and scowls just a little at her. 

He’s allowed to, she’s practically his aunt. They’ve known each other since Ben was born. 

She looks at his hands, and the open text message with Rey. “Ah.” She hums, connecting the dots, “how is our favorite troublemaker settling in?”

Ben rolls his eyes and groans, smiling as Holdo crosses her arms in a defiant stance. Rey has gotten into… her fair share of trouble at school. Ben will be the first to admit that.

Not that he has a historically good record of stopping her, he just tells her he doesn’t want to know what her next little stunt is.

Ben has only gone to detention once, when Rey nearly blew up the science lab in junior year chemistry. He trusted her to read the instructions correctly, to keep them both on track. There is still a burn mark on the ceiling, and when his father had to come and check out the damage he nearly fell over laughing. Holdo knows what they’re capable of.

“Rey is fine,” he sighs, rocking on his heels as she pops an eyebrow up at him, “she is…” he hums, searching for the right words.

He turns to look at her, watching him with clear amusement as he struggles to find them. “She is fine.”

Holdo looks him up and down again, because she sees right through this little thing he’s trying to do. This whole, ‘everything is fine and I know exactly what I’m doing and I’m not way out of my league’ bit.

Ben concedes, when she narrows her eyes at him and simply waits. 

Why do principals always do this? This secret language of ‘I’m going to stand here and wait until you tell me the truth’.

“It is… not easy to let someone else into your home and into your life.” He groans, “But it’s easier because it’s Rey, and I know I’m doing the right thing because I can sleep… better at night, knowing she’s safe.”

Holdo seems pleased with that answer, smiling as Ben turns back to the contents of the aisle.

He remembers they’re surrounded by tampons, and turns back to face his principal instead. Lesser of two evils, and all.

“Good.” She sighs, humming as he feels himself flush. This is the weirdest conversation they’ve ever had.

They stand there for an awkward moment, and Ben doesn’t really know what to do here.

“Look, we can both recognize this is weird. Right?” She hums, motioning to the space between her and Ben.

He nods, and her shoulders visibly shift into a more relaxed stance as she clicks her tongue in contemplative thought. Ben can visibly see the wheels turning in her brain, coming up with a solution or a problem or  _ something. _

She sighs, and Ben watches her expression shift into something unfamiliar. “I’m going to be honest,” she hums, turning to look at the boxes in front of them as he watches her, “it concerns me that Rey didn’t tell anybody what was happening. The fact she didn’t feel the need to inform us of what was happening at home, and she didn’t plan on telling anybody, is a scary thought. I am deeply grateful for everything you’ve done for her over the last week, Ben. It makes me proud that you can trust each other like that, and I don’t like to think about what Rey would have done if she didn’t have you in her life right now.” 

Ben freezes, slipping back into panic mode. Is this going to turn into an appreciation session? Ben really can’t handle that today, if  _ he’s _ honest.

She continues, not really giving Ben an out anyways. 

“For seven to eight hours a day, five days a week, I am responsible for you. For every kid that steps on that campus, I am responsible for you, your safety, and your wellbeing. That’s my job, that’s why I can be such a hardass sometimes. I need to protect you.” 

She sighs, as Ben adjusts his grasp on the tampons and tries to process all of this.

“If something were to happen, on campus or off, you understand that I would feel a certain level of responsibility. Right? Added on the fact it’s you, and Leia, and Han and-“ 

She shakes her head, as Ben crosses his arms. 

“This is personal, Ben. I know it may not seem like it, but this whole situation is making my job very difficult right now. I can’t stop thinking about-“

She turns to him, looking him up and down one final time as the words die on her tongue.

“I’m just- I’m very glad she has you. You’ve turned into a fine young man, Ben Solo.”

Ben blushes, he can practically feel the blood rush to his skin as he tries to, unsuccessfully, make himself a little smaller. 

Holdo just watches him as he turns to the ground, the only safe space to look, and examines the patterning of the gray linoleum tiles. The ugly gray splattering that’s supposed to add texture or something. He shrugs as she remains standing next to him. 

She sighs, and plucks the box from his hands as he huffs in confusion.

She swaps it out for a different but similar one, as Ben turns to automatically scowl at her. She puts her hands up, in a gesture of surrender. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t have to do this again.”

Ben groans, as Holdo laughs at him. “We don’t have to tell anybody this ever happened, right?” He sighs, as she shakes her head and chuckles. 

“Of course, Ben. Nobody has to know you’re buying tampons for your… best friend.”

He groans again, dramatically throwing his head back as she adjusts her grasp on her little hand basket. “Is there anything else you need to pick up, by the way? Anything else Rey asked for?”

She’s offering to help him, Ben realizes she’s offering to help him because it’s clear he’s just that useless as a personal shopper. 

He sighs, and shakes his head. “She didn’t ask for anything else, just these.” He holds up the box of tampons, as Holdo snorts.

They kind of stand there for a moment, Ben turning to stare down at the box. 

“Would Rey  _ like _ anything else? Has she asked for anything from you, or do you think she’s scared to look ungrateful or greedy.”

Ben freezes, furrowing his brow as he thinks.

That is a… very good question. Rey hasn’t asked for a single thing from Ben, not really. She borrows his toothpaste, begrudgingly follows his directions and uses two tide pods instead of one when she does her laundry, and sneaks his nice pencils when she thinks he isn’t looking.

He knows because she always puts them in his backpack sharper than they were before, like he doesn’t notice when his nearly flat pencils have sharp tips again.

He sighs and shrugs, as he reflects on this. Reflects on her. Reflects on the fact she literally only asks him for things when she has no other choice, when she’s either in danger or otherwise stuck.

Ben realizes she wouldn’t ask him for anything she wanted, because that’s not who Rey is. She was fully prepared to come out here by herself, and endure this moment alone.

God, she’ll probably try to pay him back when he gets home. 

Rey really has no clue how to let people help her.

He sighs, turning to Principal Holdo. He shuts his eyes and exhales as he thinks, “She’s being overly polite and isn’t asking me for anything, because she’s too stubborn for her own good and doesn’t know when to ask for help.”

“And?”

Ben opens his eyes, “She’s had a really tough week, and on top of everything that’s been happening she probably feels unsettled. She might not feel comfortable asking me for things she doesn’t deem absolutely necessary yet.”

“ _ And? _ ”

“Rey says my shampoo makes her smell like a dude, and I don’t think it’s a compliment.”

Holdo laughs, as Ben smiles. “Alright, good. That’s a place to start.” She hums, motioning down the aisle with her head as Ben realizes he kind of recognizes the song playing through the sound system overhead. It’s an odd observation to make, he knows, but one that pops up nonetheless. “Come on, I’ll show you where the non-dude smelling shampoo is. Rey will be fine if we take a little detour.”

Ben follows after her, really hoping they don’t run into anybody else. He does need a fair bit of help here, and it’s clear he can’t do this alone.

He is very lucky he has people in his life like Holdo to worry over him and Rey, especially ones who know them so well.


	20. 20

“Ben!” Rey shouts, standing at the top of the staircase. She’s wearing different pants, swapping jeans for sweats that Ben swears used to be in his closet.

“Did you get the goods?” She chirps, starting to bound down the staircase as he nods. 

He holds out the bag, “You’re never gonna believe what happened-“

“Wait, give me like two seconds. I need to do my thing and then we can talk.”

Ben screws up his face, letting her grab the box before she turns and bolts back up the staircase. 

She jumps up on her toes before she leaves, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek as he moves to speak. To start explaining the hellish experience he just had. To tell her that she needs to stop trying to do everything herself, and it’s okay to ask him for help sometimes. 

The words turn to ash in his mouth, as her palm splays out over his chest and her lips hit the underside of his jaw. As she leaves him wordless and more than a little flustered. 

She runs up the staircase, Ben still holding the grocery bag in one hand and watching her flee. 

He follows after her, taking the steps two at a time to catch up with her as he comes back to himself. “You sure you don’t want to hear about who I ran into?” He calls, smirking as she snorts back at him.

“Oh my god, give me two seconds!”

Ben listens to the bathroom door close as he arrives at the top of the staircase, still clutching the bag. He waits a second, trying to figure out what his next move is. “I’m going in your room.” He calls, waiting for a response from Rey.

“Alright.” She calls back, giving him the permission to slip through the already open curtain that he didn’t know he needed. He sits down in his spot next to her bed, setting the bag next to him as he stretches out his legs on the floor.

He stares at his feet, crossing and uncrossing his legs again and trying to get comfortable on the carpet. He twitches his nose as he waits for her, hitting his toes together as he tries to figure out what the song from the store was.

It was that indie song, peach- something. He thinks.

“Who did you run into?” Rey hums, bathroom door opening and closing in her wake. He looks up as she slips into the room, hair pulled back into a bun and  _ his _ sweats very clearly drawn at her waist. 

He doesn’t find it in himself to get upset with her, as she settles herself in his lap and curls in tight against his chest.

“You’re never going to guess.” He hums, smiling as she turns to look up at him with something like amusement in her eyes.

“Then tell me!” She laughs back, as Ben quietly reaches down and unties his shoes.

Her hands trace his collar, adjusting his shirt as he groans with the stretch of his spine and toes his sneakers off. 

“Principal Holdo.”

“ _ No! _ ”

Ben hums in affirmation, nodding as Rey gasps. “Yeah.” He sighs, leaning back as he kicks his shoes away.

“You’re kidding me!”

Ben shakes his head and smiles, as Rey giggles into his chest. “Oh my god,  _ please _ tell me she caught you buying tampons.”

“Even made sure I bought the right brand.”

Rey nearly screeches in laughter, as Ben giggles next to her with a slight groan in his voice. He wouldn’t be surprised if that blush decided to reappear now, it would be the right time. “Oh my god!” She repeats, gasping for air as she blinks her tears away and places a hand on his cheek. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but I wish I had been there so I could watch that conversation because  _ oh my god our principal caught you buying me tampons. _ ”

“Putting it that way doesn’t make it any better, sweetheart.” He groans, as Rey freezes in his arms. She stares at him, unblinking, as he exhales.

“Ben?” She hums, as he feels like he’s made some awful mistake in the last thirty seconds.

“Yeah?” He squeaks, through a shaking voice.

“When did you start calling me that?” She asks, voice not hovering that far above a whisper as she reaches forward and tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. He turns to look down at her, trying to put the dots together and failing pretty miserably.

Ben just blinks at her, confused and disoriented. “When did I start calling you what?”

“Sweetheart. You called me sweetheart. You’ve said it before, a couple times, but I haven’t brought it up. It’s… new. It’s different.” 

“Oh.”

“But I like it!” She clarifies, grabbing his shirt in her fists as she pulls him a little closer. “I-I like being your sweetheart. I really like being your sweetheart.” She stammers, keeping her hand on his face. He feels it slide down his cheek, fingers tracing his jaw as he watches this expression that he isn’t quite sure he’s seen before. That he isn’t quite able to decipher.

Ben smiles, grinning as she stares up at him. He watches her hazel eyes take in his face, as she leans forward and they flutter shut.

She leans her forehead against his, licking her lips, as he reaches and squeezes her hips with his hands. “Good. Cool.” He squawks, when he really means is  _ holy shit I’m going to kiss you because you can’t just tell me you’re my sweetheart and not expect me to stick my tongue down your throat  _ and  _ you need to lean away right now because I can literally feel your breath on my lips and I can feel every little inhale and exhale like it’s my own. _

He just gulps, and agonizingly moves his head to her shoulder and wraps his arms around her. She hangs onto him as he rubs her back, and she digs her hands into his shoulders. She squeaks out a quiet, “Cool,” in response.

“Good.” He hums again, holding her tight. “Cool.”

//☆//

“You never showed me what was in the bag.” She hums, maybe an hour later. After most of the homework is successfully done, and Ben and Rey are trying to figure out what the hell this new project for their psych class is supposed to be. 

It is… not an especially easy to understand assignment. By any means. Maz has made it very complicated, and the way she writes just makes everything extremely unclear. It’s driving Rey nuts, and she needs a mental break.

Plus, her eyes keep on going to that bag that Ben has tucked next to his hip. She was waiting for him to bring it up, because she didn’t want to seem pushy, but it’s been forever and he still hasn’t mentioned it.

He turns to her, confusion on his face, as she points to the bag still sitting next to him.

“Oh!” He hums, handing her the plastic baggie with the logo from the grocery store on the front. He blushes as he hands it off to her, “Thought I would pick up a couple other things while we were there. Principal Holdo and I- I mean, she said- she hopes your- you know. We- she- wanted to make sure you were settling in well. Cause, you know-“

“Ben.” Rey hums, smiling as he groans. “Use your words, please.”

He curses under his breath, turning to look up at her as he sighs. “Principal Holdo wanted to make sure you were settling in well, so she helped me find a couple other things you might need. I’m trying not to make this weird.”

Rey blinks at him for a moment, staring as Ben tilts his head and settles into her shoulder with a huff. She pats his chest as he hides in her neck, rubbing her hip as she smiles.

She doesn’t tell him his hand is really closer to her ass than her hip, and he doesn’t seem too bothered anyways.

“Please don’t tell me you said anything too embarrassing.” She whines, shutting her eyes and really hoping that Ben tried to do the best he could. She knows he isn’t always the best with his words, his brain tends to move faster than his mouth.

“Only that you hate my shampoo. Holdo said all teen boys smell like axe body spray anyways, and that she was hoping you could pull me out of my ‘teen spirit’ phase.”

“What does that mean?”

“No clue, just open the bag.” He grunts, lifting his head up as Rey elbows him in the chest. He sighs as she shifts on his thigh, trying to get comfortable against him. Sitting here for so long, as much as she loves it, is kind of starting to get uncomfortable.

She must wiggle a little too much, because he straight up grabs her sides and sets her between his legs. She squeaks in surprise as she feels his hands grab her, and plop her right down between his thighs. “You need to stop moving, you’re making everything so much more difficult.” he hums, voice all tired and growly. “Just open the bag and let me check your hand.”

Well, his voice saying things like  _ that _ and in  _ that  _ tone should not make Rey feel the things she’s currently feeling. Hardly an appropriate reaction, but one she is very much having anyways.

She tries to squish those feelings down before she can think about them too much, distracting herself with the handles of the bag. She hums a quiet, “Fine,” as she displays her right hand for him to start unwrapping. She uses her left hand to pull out the goods in curiosity, as Ben leans forward and peeks over her shoulder to watch.

He starts working as she realizes what it is, feeling her shoulders shake against his broad chest as she laughs. “Ah, yes, shampoo and conditioner. Exactly what every woman wants to receive as a gift.”

Ben squeezes her wrist in reprimand as he unwraps her hand, “Well, I wouldn’t have to buy it as a gift if you would just tell me what you need from me and  _ stop hiding things from me. _ ”

“Ben-“

“If you’re gonna stay here, I need to know you trust me. I need to know there’s nothing between us, because I need to know you’re okay. Okay?”

“Okay.” She hums, turning to look at him. He searches her eyes for any uncertainty, dark pupils flickering from left to right.

“That means-“

“If I’m ever in trouble again, I call you. Even if I think I can handle it myself, you need to know what’s going on because- because- uh-”

“Because you deserve to be treated with respect. And I don’t want this to  _ ever _ happen again, okay?” He hums, hand going to her bruise and tracing around it by memory at this point. It’s all yellowed and faded, but Ben knows where it is. He’ll always know where it is, Rey realizes, because the thought of her getting hurt scares him. Watching her get hurt scared him.

She likes having someone get scared on her behalf. It makes her feel  _ good _ .

“Okay.” She squeaks, letting herself lean back against his chest. She goes back to pulling things out of the bag, as Ben continues unwrapping in silence. “And you’ll never get mad at me, if I get myself in trouble? If I need your help?”

“Rey, I would literally bury a body for you. You could call me saying you committed some heinous crime-“

“Which I won’t, for the record.” She scoffs, pulling a bottle of body wash out of the bag. She snorts as she examines it, because she is actually really grateful that Ben thought of this and continues to think of things like this, but she still can’t believe the boy bought her  _ soap _ .

He is very lucky she likes him so much. 

He sighs, “But you could, and I would be right there with you. As long as I’ve got you in my life I don’t think I could go wrong.”

Rey laughs, as Ben uses one of his hands to tilt her head back so he can kiss her forehead. “Is that all you have to say for yourself, Solo? It’ll make a great court defense, I’m sure.” She hums, as he examines her hand and she takes one last trip into the bag.

She freezes to examine her palm with him when her eyes hit it, blisters now flat and skin peeling in flaky bits. It’s still bad, really bad, but it’s starting to get better. It isn’t as sensitive anymore, and Rey can actually hold things now and bend her fingers with minimal discomfort. She still can’t apply a lot of pressure, but she’s getting better. Slowly, she is getting better.

He lets her rest the back of her palm in his hand, as he sets his face in her shoulder. “You don’t even want to know what went through my head when I saw this, it scared me how angry I got. What I wanted to do to him. It scared me how much I wanted to  _ hurt _ him.”

“But you didn’t.” She hums, gulping as she uses her other hand to direct his face towards hers. “You didn’t because you’re a good man. A good man who buys me shampoo and tampons, and worries about me. You’re a good man, Ben Solo. Don’t forget that.”

The way he beams at her when she says that, face going all red and happy as he tries to hide behind her and she laughs. She’s not telling him anything that isn’t true, she knows, but she likes that he didn’t know.

That she gets to tell him like this. 

“I love you.” He murmurs, wrapping his arms around her as she pulls her hand to her chest and laughs. His hair tickles her neck as she goes back to the bag again, continuing to search for something else. She swears-

“Oh my god.” She laughs, grinning as she gasps and shifts the bag in her hands. “You bought me Reese’s?” She turns to him as he groans and continues to hide. “That’s literally the sweetest thing you’ve ever done, I love you so much dumbass.”

He snatches them from her hand, “If you call me a dumbass again I’m eating them all.”

“No!” She screeches, flipping in his lap as he holds the bag up. “God, you’re so fucking mean sometimes! You’re being a jerk!”

Ben just laughs as she tries to grab the bag back, crawling all over him in an attempt to get to the candy. She nearly sends a knee to his crotch a couple times, elbowing him in the face as she stretches as far as she can and he holds it just out of reach while he tugs on her shirt to pull her back down.

Rey realizes, as her fingers wrap around the corner of the bag and it splits open, spilling little foil wrapped Reese's peanut butter cups all over the carpet; that she wants to spend the rest of her life fighting Ben Solo for candy.


	21. 21

Ben has a much easier time in bed that night, scrolling through his phone and sighing as he stares at something Poe sent him. Something stupid, something dumb.

Oh- it’s-

Poe made a tiktok account.

Of course he did. Ben is, honestly, surprised that this didn’t happen sooner.

He shuts his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb as he tries to erase the image of Poe lipsyncing to some audio clip in a ridiculous costume that looks like it was half off at party city from his brain. God, that tangled teal wig is the worst. And who let this man wear a crop top and athletic shorts? This whole situation should be criminal. Really.

He watches it about four more times before giving up on the internet as a whole and moving to check out the rest of his account in some sick form of self punishment. He just- he has to know. He has to know what his friend is doing in his free time.

He needs to bully him for this. Relentlessly. 

Poe texts him a couple seconds later, when Ben has failed to respond back fast enough

**What do you THINK.**

_I need to bleach my eyes._

**Oh, come on. It’s fun! Finn says it’s a “creative form of self expression”**

Ben sighs, and starts rubbing his forehead as he grumbles. What will his future employers think of this? The internet is forever, and shit like that stays. Poe is not thinking this through.

**Make one with me**

_No_

**Ben**

**Make one with me PLEASE**

_No._

Ben hears another phone ping a couple seconds later, right outside his door. It’s followed by a quiet sigh, and nothing else for a couple seconds.

Ben waits, setting his warm phone on his chest as he tilts his head and looks at the door.

He hears scratching noises, like a cat or even Chewie is clawing at the bottom of his door. What the fuck? What the fuck is happening? Is he about to die? Is someone about to kill him? Is he in a horror movie right now?

“Ben!” He hears a very familiar British voice hiss, coming _through the bottom of the door_ as he spooks a little and jumps in his bed. He backs up, scooting and sitting up against his headboard as he takes a second to process exactly what he’s hearing.

What the fuck, _what the fuck?_ What the _fuck_ is Rey doing? Is she _trying_ to give him a heart attack? Why is he friends with this person again? Why the fuck is she so _weird_?

The scratching noises continue, as he stands up and quickly steps over to the door. He slowly twists the knob, opening the entry with a lot more questions than answers.

Rey is flat on the floor, belly to the carpet and hands frozen in midair. What the fuck?

She grins up at him, popping up on her feet and staring at him on the other side of the entry to his room. “Sorry, I- if I knock I worry your parents can hear.” She whispers, as Ben stares at her in pure confusion. It takes him a second to connect the dots, brain spinning like a loading webpage as he thinks. Huh?

Yes, he understands the concept now. It’s late and they should probably be as quiet as possible. It would be best if they stayed silent, or as close to silent as they physically can. They don’t want to get caught, that would be a very bad situation.

He moves to grab her arm, before thinking better of it and gently wrapping a hand around her waist to guide her in rather than pull her in. He reminds himself of what she said earlier, that he is a good man. He is not her past, but he would like to be in her future. And that means no grabbing arms, no pulling.

Hence the hand on her back, guiding her but never forcing her into a decision or into his space. An invitation, not a demand.

She tucks herself under his arm, as he quietly shuts the door behind them. She can probably feel his heart pound, the way he knows this is wrong but he can’t stop himself from moving forward.

“What’s going on?” He whispers, letting her wrap her arms around him as she sighs. She leans into his body with a relaxed stretch, Ben nervously patting her back in response.

She doesn’t say anything, pushing into him a little more. He just stands there, brushing a lock of hair behind her ear as she sighs. 

She shakes her head, the universal sign for “I’m not ready yet” as Ben looks to his bed.

“If I let you stay, will you _promise_ to leave before you fall asleep?” He asks, not sure if he wants her to say yes or no. Not sure if he trusts her to not repeat this previous… incident. Not sure if he wants her to repeat said incident or not. 

She nods, and he sighs as she starts tugging him to his bed. She nearly shoves him onto his mattress as he quietly groans, Rey following and tucking herself under his arm as he makes room for her. She huffs and sets her phone on his chest, closing her eyes and swinging a thigh over his hip as they snuggle together under his comforter.

She nuzzles into his pajama shirt, shoving herself closer against him than he previously thought possible. He doesn’t know where he ends and she begins, intertwined and attached to each other like nothing could pry them apart. 

Glued, he thinks in a moment of clarity.

Stuck together, like a mouse and the mouse trap.

He pulls her hand up, kissing her good palm as gently as possible. She smiles and giggles against him, nose pushing into his chest. He goes back to rubbing her back as he sighs, trying to keep her awake as her smile falters and he leans his head back on his pillow. He doesn’t close his eyes, counting the number of spots where the paint has chipped against the ceiling.

“Ben?” She hums, adjusting her head on his chest. He wonders if she’s listening to his heart, with her ear pressed up against his chest like that. He wonders what she hears, what she thinks of him.

“What happens if we don’t win tomorrow? What happens if this doesn’t work? What do we do then?”

Ben freezes, and furrows his brow.

He shrugs, and Rey moves her head to look up at him. He can see it now, the underlying fear. The anxiety that this won’t work. That she’ll get stuck in a new but worse situation, away from Ben. Away from this life that has been offered to her.

“It’s going to work, Rey.” He hums, doing his best to smile down at her as she blinks up at him. “I’m not leaving that courthouse until I know you’re safe, until _we_ know you’re safe.”

She blinks and closes her eyes, breathing evenly across his chest as he watches her. She is so pretty, all lit up in moonlight and wet hair loose against his arm. Ben learned she doesn’t tie it up at night, because otherwise it won’t dry all the way. She’s going to leave wet spots on his chest, though. He’ll probably want to change his shirt. 

“I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, ever again. My mom will literally have to drag me out of the courthouse if they threaten to split us up.”

Rey snorts, as Ben quietly smiles. He knows it’s the mental image of himself throwing a temper tantrum on Rey's behalf that gets her laughing, but it’s the reality that neither of them would put it past him to actually do so that sets them both off into fits of giggles.

Rey scoots up, still giggling as Ben turns on his side so they can face each other in the dark. “I know.” She hums, cupping his face between her palms. “That’s why I like having you around.”

“Hey,” he hums, “You keep me around for more than that.”

“Oh yeah, like being the one Poe goes to when he can’t convince you to make a tiktok with him.”

Ben groans, as Rey giggles. “I can’t believe he made a tiktok account. He’s deranged. I don’t know why we’re friends with him.” 

She giggles, rubbing his face as Ben sighs and blindly grasps for his phone. 

“You wanna watch some?” He hums, hoping to distract her just a little as he wraps his fingers around the device and turns it on. “They’re really bad.”

Rey nods, and Ben goes back to Poe's page. He clicks on the one from earlier, watching Rey as her face gets lit up in the blue light from his screen and she sets her small hands over his own to adjust the angle of the device. She positions it so they can both watch together, curling into his chest in the process. It’s one of the most pleasant things Ben has ever had the joy of experiencing, despite the awful thing they’re viewing. She smiles and scrunches her face up in amusement every time Poe makes a particularly awful dance move, as what Ben thinks are tear tracks get illuminated by the light. Silvery little lines down her cheeks as she rubs her face against him.

She had been crying, before she came to him

Ben hates that she was crying.

He leans down and tentatively wipes them away with his thumb, only just now realizing how important this is to her. How important it is that this works, no matter what.

They have to win, there isn’t an option where they don’t win.


	22. 22

Ben swears his heart is going to pound out of his chest all morning on Tuesday, the hours passing by in a strange blur. 

It starts right when he gets up, when his mom takes longer than usual to pack up and head off to work. She waits for Rey to wake up, telling Ben that she wants to make sure they both know what the plan is because they have to show up to court on time and there should be “no dillydallying.”

Ben had to go and wake Rey up, groggily guiding her down the stairs as she mumbled obscenities at him and kicked at his legs in frustration.

Ben learns, in these short moments, that Rey can be really grumpy when she doesn’t have enough time to lounge around in bed when she first wakes up. She also has oddly sharp toes.

He makes a note of both of these facts, as his mom gives them the schedule. She holds up her hand, listing off exactly where they should be and when. Ben works to pay attention, Rey rubbing her eyes and hiding under his arm in response to her well-intended reminders. He doubts she’s actually absorbing much of this information. 

“At noon, exactly when you get out of your last class, I need you two to go and check in with Amilyn. She has sign out forms ready for  _ both  _ of you, and you need to go and get them signed by your afternoon teachers as quickly as possible.” She hums, putting her index finger in the air. Ben nods, as Rey grumbles. “Then, you need to come home and get changed. You both already have outfits picked out, yes?”

“Yes Mom.”

“Yes Leia.”

“Good.” She sighs, adding a second finger to the group, “As soon as you get dressed, Ben is driving you both to the courthouse. Han will be there with me earlier, we’ll be waiting for you. Do  _ not _ be late, am I clear?”

She adds a third finger, as she waits for their responses.

“Yes ma’am.” They both sigh, Rey acting on instinct with her eyes still closed and her face squished into Bens side. Ben is just saying it because he knows it pisses her off.

She narrows her eyes at him, but not Rey. “If I have even a doubt that you two can handle this, I reserve every right to call you both incessantly and remind you of how important this is. We want everything in our favor, alright?”

Ben nods, because even though his mom had reassured them both five minutes ago that this would be an easy case and she could do it in her sleep, she’s still a little harried. He can tell. She may look perfectly put together, but he can tell this is just as nerve-wracking for her too.

She always gets like this before big cases, he knows. She goes a little tunnel vision sometimes.

“Good.” She hums, pulling Ben down and kissing his cheek. He groans in response, as she grabs Rey's face and kisses her on the forehead. 

She grumbles, turning and wiping the lipstick mark his mom left on her skin off on his white sleep shirt. Great, perfect. That’ll stain. 

Ben realizes this is the second shirt she’s ruined in 24 hours. She seems intent to either steal or ruin all of his clothes, for some reason.

He sighs, and Rey grumbles a little more as his mom shakes her head at the two. “Will you kids be alright? Is there anything else we need to go over?” She hums, as Ben shakes his head in response.

“I think we’re good,” he sighs, “I just need to make sure this girl gets dressed.”

“Ben!” She whines, suddenly a little more awake now that the conversation has shifted to her. His mom makes some sort of amused snort as he looks down to her.

He stares at her, stepping away as she throws her arms up in the air and stretches her body as long as it can go. She bounces on her toes, screwing her face up in the process, before finally settling back on her feet and keeping her arms outstretched and her eyes closed. Her hair remains completely tangled from sleep.

“Carry me?”

Ben groans, as his mom near bowls over in laughter. He knows the context makes this funnier, the fact that he’s so hopelessly gone for this girl and his  _ mom fucking knows it _ . He knows Rey’s ridiculous, and probably slightly sleep deprived, and she barely even knows what she’s saying.

“Seriously?” He sighs, Rey smiling and nodding. She keeps her eyes closed, and she sways from side to side as he thinks.

God, she probably won’t make it up the stairs by herself. Ben is going to have to haul her back up to her room no matter what. 

He grunts, stepping forward and leaning down. “Fine, but you fucking asked for it.”

“Ben-“ His mother chides.

“Language, I know, I know.” He sighs.

He hauls Rey over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry, grabbing her thigh in one hand and her arm in the other. The girl has the audacity to quietly squeak in surprise as he turns and makes his way over to the staircase, her hands digging into the muscle of his torso as she clings on for dear life like she didn’t specifically ask for this.

His poor mother shrieks his name when he pulls Rey up and over his shoulders, chasing after them as he starts moving up the staircase. “Ben Solo, put her down right this instant! Someone is going to get hurt!”

He huffs, mindful not to knock Rey's head or feet against the wall as they turn to the hallway, and carries her up the staircase with a grunt. He rolls his eyes as his mom continues to call after him, ignoring her pleas for him to please put the goddamn girl down.

Rey giggles against his arm as his mother continues to fret over him, and Ben just focuses on not tripping up the stairs.

//☆//

By a quarter past eight everything has gone to shit.

It turns out that picture Rey put on her private Instagram story got spread, Kaydel mentioning it to her friend Tallie and Tallie telling her brother and her brother telling Jessika and-

The whole school, in effectively the last twenty four hours, has found out that Rey is moving in with Ben. After Kaydel accidentally let it slip on what she  _ says _ was Sunday night during a bonfire. The girl may have gotten into something she wasn’t necessarily supposed to, and spoke out of turn during a conversation that she  _ thought _ was private.

Key word: thought.

She ran up to Rey and Ben as soon as she saw them pull into the student parking lot, out of breath and profusely apologizing with Rose and Finn trailing close behind. She didn’t mean to say anything, honest, but she also didn’t think it would get so out of hand. She didn’t think people still gossiped like they did in the nineties, because for as long as all the seniors can remember they’ve never actually had a major thing to gossip  _ about _ .

And it’s not salacious news, or anything, but drama is drama. And misinformation is misinformation. And teenagers are teenagers.

And apparently everyone who knows of Rey and Ben but doesn’t really  _ know them _ thought they were dating.

And it turns out having a boyfriend and girlfriend move in together during senior year of high school is the most fascinating thing to have ever hit their weird little high school.

Ben and Rey just blink at each other after they’ve been filled in, Poe having joined them and the six all now having to rush to their respective classes before the bell rings. “What the fuck?” Ben mutters, once they’re alone and running down the hallway together “Why did that have to happen  _ today?” _

“People were going to find out, Ben!” Rey hisses back, sprinting to keep up with his jog. “It’s not like someone wasn’t going to find out at some point, it’s not like someone wasn’t going to spill!”

“I know,” he grumbles, placing an arm around her and guiding her past a group of distracted sophomores who would have otherwise bumped right into her, “but today? And why do people care so much? Is it fucking weird? Is what we’re doing  _ really _ that fucking weird?”

Ben looks down to look at her face, flushed red from running and having this atomic-bomb dropped on them. 

She glares at him, pushing on his chest and moving forward with a huff.

Ben gets the idea that was absolutely not the right thing to say.

//☆//

Rey decides, between when she learns that the whole school now knows about her  _ predicament _ and when they leave during lunch, that today is the worst day of her life.

And to think! Exactly a week ago she thought she was on the up and up! Staying with Ben, having a real, solid plan for the future, getting her own bed! Last Tuesday was great!

Which is exactly why this one sucks so much more. 

And it’s not like she’s even lost any of that good stuff! It’s just the fact she might, in about four hours, and now everybody  _ knows _ it too. She worked for years to keep her parentage a relative secret, because she doesn’t want anybody’s fucking pity. It’s been a constant, lingering source of stress for her. It’s all sorts of undesired attention she just doesn’t want.

But now it seems like all she’s getting is pity, she can feel everyone staring at her and Ben when they walk down the hallway. Staring at her hand. Staring at the poor girl who’s moving in with her boyfriend because nobody else wants her.

Thank god her bruise is covered.

In the middle of her psych class, when her mind drifts away from the general human psyche and into her own, Rey reflects on how this has absolutely been the longest fucking week of her life. She’s exhausted, and tired, and stressed, and on her fucking period! It has been a very bad, no good, terrible, awful, mess of a week and the fact that she’s literally counting down the seconds until noon isn’t helping. She feels all twitchy, like Ben when he drinks one of those double shots that Starbucks makes. She wonders if she looks half as frazzled as she feels.

She spots Ben looking at her periodically during her classes, worry on his face, and she wishes he would stop so she wouldn’t have to think about the rest of today. Think about him. She trusts Leia, and she trusts Ben, but she still has this little part of her, this little section of her brain, needling away at her.

_ This isn’t going to work _ . It says.  _ You don’t deserve all of these good things. You’re going to lose them. You’re going to get hurt again. _

She squashes it down with her heel, picturing a boot stomping all of her problems into the dirt and crushing them into the dust. She deserves this, Ben told her so. He wants her in his house, his parents want her to be safe. She is worthy of love, she is worthy of  _ his _ love.

Ben places his hand on her knee, and she decides that she has to do something about this. 

She grabs his hand, and hangs on tight for the rest of class instead.

//☆//

At lunch, or the seconds after lunch starts, Ben and Rey are  _ again _ sprinting across campus to get to Principal Holdo’s office when they get approached by a freshman boy and a group of giggling girls. Rey recognizes some of them as upperclassmen, holding bags of off campus food that must have been delivered via postmates or something. You know, like the  _ well-off _ students do.

“Hey! Ben!” He calls, holding a pierced orange on a fork for some unknown reason. Fucking christ, freshmen.

Ben visibly balks next to Rey, hissing a quiet, “Oh fuck no,” under his breath before turning to bolt.

Rey takes stock of the situation, as Ben hurries her along. That’s  _ Kyle,  _ isn’t it? The annoying as fuck freshman with stupid hair and even stupider shoes. (Who the fuck wears turquoise hightops converse every day? Really?) Rey has seen him around, he apparently skateboarded into a glass door last semester and dropped a watermelon out a second story window. 

He’s also Ben’s “little brother”, school mandated and assigned. 

Ben can’t stand the little shit, but he acts nice because Rey encourages him to at least _ try _ to be kind. He fulfills his duties when needed, no more and no less.

Ben pushes on the small of her back, subconsciously shielding her from the group as they pick up their pace. 

Kyle  _ runs  _ after them. 

“Ben! Ben! Wait!”

“ _ What _ .”

“Is that Rey? Is she really moving in with you? Did she really beat up her old foster father? If you guys are like, dating, does that make her my big sister or my sister-in-law?”

The hollow under Bens left eye twitches, something that only happens when he gets really mad. Rey sets a hand on his chest, suddenly concerned that maybe the stress of this whole situation is getting to him too.

“Back the fuck off Kyle.” He growls, voice rumbling down the hallway. Kyle makes no move to leave, the girls behind him continuing to giggle at his antics. 

Rey connects the dots, as she examines both of their expressions. Kyle is trying to get a rise out of Ben. Make the man break.

Rey thinks he might be getting close.

Ben’s temper isn’t any secret, during a debate last year he got into a fairly intense shouting match with another student. Ended up making the poor girl cry, school asked him to fix it and Rey ended up standing there during the apology and kicking his leg every time he veered into “I’m sorry you were wrong” territory. 

It wasn’t a girl thing, he swears it was never a girl thing, it was just a stupid humans thing. 

Ben has a general contempt for most humans. Rey is fully aware of this and loves him for it. It’s just who he is, he’s never quite gotten the whole “more than two or three close friends” thing. Rey doesn’t even think he has Rose or Kaydel saved in his phone yet, or if they’ve even had a full conversation together without the presence of another person.

Unfortunately, this also means his social skills tend to be jack shit. 

“Ben.” She hums, tugging on his sweatshirt. “Leave it be, we have more important things to do.”

He glares at her, taking a deep breath anyways and fluttering his long lashes as he closes his eyes. “ _ Please _ let me kick his ass.”

“ _ Ben.” _ She hums, really not wanting to make a scene right now. “What would happen to me if we were late to the-thing-we-need-to-go-to because you threatened a little kid. How would that look, and what do you think would happen?”

Ben opens his eyes, sighing as he stares back at her. “Nothing good.” He concedes, groaning as she pulls on his arm and slowly drags him to the administration office.

“Then we need to go, now.” She whispers, sliding her palm down his arm and into his hand.

Ben huffs, following after her. He only barely drags his feet as they walk down the hallway and away from the ruckus, grumbling under his breath as Kyle waves and continues to call after them.

“See you around, Rey! If you ever need someone to save you from Ben when he gets all moody, you know where to find me!”

The girls giggle, as Rey whips around. Oh- this little- she’s gonna fucking kill this child. Thank god Ben wraps an arm around her waist, dragging her down the hallway as she stares at him and drags a finger across her throat.  _ Nobody _ gets away with back talking her Ben.

She  _ will _ get her revenge on  _ Kyle. _

//☆//

Principal Holdo is way more excited for Rey than Ben thought she was going to be, and it’s almost unnerving. 

She’s the only one in the office, the rest of the administration staff gone off to lunch, and so she’s the one pulling the early absence papers for them. “How are you two _ feeling _ ?” She excitedly whispers, sitting down and starting to fill out the date and sign her name where needed.

“Scared.” Rey squeaks, slipping partway behind Ben. She’s gone a little pink, probably remembering what happened yesterday and the experience Ben had at the grocery store. “We don’t have a plan B if this doesn’t work, everything is kind of riding on Leia and Han getting guardianship of me.”

Holdo nods, handing Ben the papers. “Leia is the best lawyer I know, and your case is really cut and dry.” She hums, standing up a little taller and making sure to look Rey in the eye from where she peeks out from behind Ben's arm. “Everything is going to be fine, Rey. You are in good, capable hands. Have hope.”

Rey nods, as Ben checks the papers. He hands one off to Rey, before turning with her to leave and get them signed. He turns, “Thank you-“

“Oh!” Rey stops, tugging on his sweatshirt. “We need to figure out what our story is.”

“Our story?”

She looks down, clicking the heels of her sneakers together as she blushes further. “I don’t want everybody knowing what’s happening. I know there are already rumors and stuff, but I don’t want to go explaining to all of our teachers that we’re… you know. It would make me really uncomfortable.”

Ben nods in understanding, as Holdo leans back on the desk in her office with a hum.

“You should know, Rey, I’ve already had a couple teachers ask me about you.” She sighs, Rey turning to her with worry. Ben watches as she goes pale, gulping as their principal continues with a heavy sigh. “Most of them already know, I kept the details to a minimum, but we’ve been around long enough to know what abuse looks like. You’ve been known to wear sweatshirts on too hot days, get nervous when people ask you about family stuff…” She kind of shrugs, crossing her arms as Ben feels Rey reach for his wrist with her wrapped palm.

He gently grabs her hand, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb.

“If I’m honest, it was going to happen anyways.” She sighs, as Ben tries not to shrug or roll his eyes in response. Yes, Holdo’s right, this couldn’t stay hidden forever. It was an impossibility. But he’d like to think this situation was handled with  _ some _ delicacy. “The burn was just what finally got people talking, the majority of the teachers you’ve had were already suspecting something was wrong; but this was the final nail in the coffin. So to speak.”

Rey shudders, taking a deep breath. Ben moves his hand to her arm, rubbing and squeezing her bicep as she takes steadying gulps of air. He can tell she isn’t scared, just overwhelmed. Just overwhelmed by all of this.

Holdo continues, Rey turning away and staring directly at Bens chest. He just stares down at her in response, wanting nothing more than to comfort her and carry her away from all this. 

“You’re a fantastic student, you both are. Your teachers were worried, and I wanted them to know everything was alright. They don’t know any more than they need to, that there had been an incident but everything is under control now. That Ben and his parents are involved, and that you’re safe”

Holdo hums, as Rey takes a deep breath. “You might be surprised by the number of people who care about you, Rey.”

Ben watches Rey’s reaction, the way she blinks and smiles at nothing in particular. Something past Ben's shoulder, he thinks.

“Yeah.” She hums, voice cracking right down the middle as she speaks. “Yeah, that’s- that’s alright.”

Ben nods to Holdo in thanks, as he starts guiding Rey towards the door and out of the office. “We’ll be back soon.” He hums, holding up his unfilled form. They have to return them before they leave anyways, they’ll be making a loop around campus before they can leave for good.

She nods, as he ushers Rey out the office and down the hallway. He guides her to a quiet area, somewhere away from everyone else.

They barely make it around the corner, to an outdoor staircase attached to the back of the building, before Rey breaks down. Really breaks down, heaving and sobbing and grasping at his sleeve like she’s trying to stay in the earth's gravitational orbit. Like she’s scared she’s going to float away.

Ben pulls her into his arms in response, cradling her head in his palm and rocking her as she cries. He nestles his face next to hers as she sobs, coming apart in his arms and unraveling even as he squeezes her close. Ben feels like this had been a long time coming, he knows it was. He knows this had to happen at some point, he knew this moment was going to come.

He tries to keep her together, kissing her temple and tying all of his loose ends to her own. He ends up just holding her as she finally lets herself just cry about everything she’s gone through so far. Let it out. She finally lets herself mourn everything she’s lost, everything she’s had to endure and fight through. A childhood, maybe, that she’s only now realizing was completely fucked.

Ben tries not to cry with her, sighing against her skin and taking a deep breath so as not to deter from her pain.

But it hurts, it hurts so much to see her hurt.

Ben just wants her to stop hurting.

He would do anything to see her stop hurting.


	23. 23

Ben does most of the talking when they visit their teachers, allowing Rey to sit back and let him speak. “We’re heading off early.” He hums, tucking his hands in the front pocket of his sweatshirt as he waits for whatever teacher they’re currently visiting to scrawl their name and maybe nod in response. “We have plans.”

Nobody pries, thank god, as Rey makes shaky smiles and keeps what Ben thinks is a  _ respectful _ distance from him. She went and washed her face off with cold water before they did this, but she’s still kind of fighting back tears anyway. It’s not especially obvious she was just crying, but obvious enough that the most Ben has to deal with is a “Take care, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

She’ll be alright, he has to believe she’ll be alright. He just needs to get her off campus and situated at home. And through god knows how long in court.

This is going to be a very stressful afternoon.

She grabs his hand in-between classrooms, gripping so hard he’s half worried she’ll break it. He just takes a deep breath and lets her turn his fingers pink.

“Ben?” She sniffles, as they walk down a particularly long hallway back to Holdo’s office. He turns to look down at her as she huddles under his arm, free from prying eyes and ears now that the school is finally empty. For the most part, of course.

“No matter what happens, I’m going to be okay. Right?” Her voice shakes unevenly, and although Ben can’t tell through the thick fabric of his sweatshirt he thinks she might be shaking too. 

“Rey.” He sighs, stopping her and turning to look down at her. She stares up at him with those big hazel eyes, face squished between his palms and blinking up at him.

“Everything is going to be fine, I promise. I’m not going to let anything bad happen.” He hums, leaning down and kissing her forehead. He runs his thumb over the shell of her ear, careful not to jostle her still fresh piercing. “You’re stuck with me. Sorry.”

She laughs as he pulls away, face all pink and eyes a little wet at the corners. “God, I hate you. You know that? I fucking hate you sometimes.”

He wraps an arm around her, gently pulling her down the hallway with him as she sets a palm on his back. He smiles as he looks down at her, watching as she giggles with a hoarse voice from the still fresh emotional turmoil of today. “you love me, sweetheart.”

She bats at his arm for good measure, ever so gently squeezing the muscle under her bandaged palm. A surge of pride roars through him as she uses her hand, proud that she really is getting better.

Proud that she’s trying.

Proud that he can be a part of this time with her.

She sighs, leaning her weight on him as he watches her. He could be walking straight into a bench for all he cares, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from her as she shakes her head. How odd.

She finally replies, turning away from him as she beams. “Unfortunately, I do. I really do.”

//☆//

Rey squeaks as Ben picks her up, tucking his hands against her waist and setting her on the counter in the bathroom. She has to fix the bags under her eyes, reapplying the makeup she washed off at school, and he got sick of her bending her entire body over the sink to moan and groan about how bloodshot they look from her breakdown earlier. 

She sighed for the fifteenth time in ten minutes, so Ben moved all of her makeup products from his half of the counter onto hers and just set her on top of the tile so she could get a better look in the mirror. She turns to him and  _ scowls _ as he smirks, watching her reflection as he pulls his hair back in silence and experiments with trying to style his long-ish locks. Longer than he’s ever had it, at least.

He’s kind of digging it, he looks grown up.

She swings a leg around his hip as she twists to get a better look at herself in the mirror, pulling a face and drawing him in closer. The awful green dress that she’s wearing, and is quietly driving Ben insane, flutters against her legs as she shifts, revealing a little more of her bare thigh. He doesn’t even think he’s actually seen Rey in a dress, now that he thinks about it, and the fact that it’s held up by little green bows on her shoulders that he could  _ totally _ undo with his teeth really isn’t helping right now.

Totally inappropriate thoughts to be having about his best friend, he knows, but ones that decide to make themselves present anyways. It’s kind of a futile effort, at this point.

She sighs, and tugs him closer, Ben watching her face as she tilts her head at her reflection in the mirror and furrows her brow.

“I still look like I’ve been crying.” She hums, said pretty shoulders deflating in defeat. He watches as she goes back to dabbing what he now knows is  _ concealer _ under her eyes in an attempt to hide her extremely obvious exhaustion and worry. He wishes she wouldn’t cover her freckles, as he traces the ones along her shoulders with his eyes.

He thinks her freckles are very pretty, he likes it when he gets to see them.

He leans forward as he comes back to himself, so her eyes meet his in the reflection of the mirror as he leans against her. “You look beautiful.” He hums, letting her dab his nose with the wet sponge as she snorts. She turns to look down at him after a second, as he sets his elbows on the counter. He didn’t have time to do her hair today, so it’s stuck back in a ponytail at the moment. 

He stands up as she reaches out and cups his chin, staring at and examining him for a moment.

“What?” He hums, setting a hand on her clothed thigh as she tilts her head again. He smiles as her thumb traces his jaw, slowly rubbing where he thinks he might have a freckle of his own.

“Nothing, it’s nothing.” She breathily exhales, turning away from him and clearing her throat. 

She goes back to dabbing, poking the tip of her tongue out between her lips as she works.

It really shouldn’t be as cute as it is, even if Ben is completely confused by what just happened.

He looks at himself in the mirror, turning away and rolling up the sleeves of his gray button-down before deciding that makes him look  _ way _ more mature than he actually is. He wants to look professional, grown-up, but not like a fully functioning adult. You know, like the kind who pays  _ taxes _ and  _ bills. _

He rolls them back down, and goes back to figuring out how the hell he’s supposed to tie the red tie currently hanging around his neck. It just swings from his collar, dark red fabric swaying as he shifts on his feet and examines it between his fingertips.

His mom bought it for him about two years ago, for some other formal event he had been dragged along to, but his uncle Luke had tied it for him back then. He has no clue where to even begin. Plus, even if he could remember what his uncle did, what are the chances he could do it again on his own body? Really? His mother hadn’t thought this step of the process through when she said he should wear his tie. 

Rey snorts at him as he stares up the two ends of the scrap of fabric, cast around his neck and under his popped collar. He is completely clueless here, really.

“C’mere.” She hums, setting down her makeup bag and motioning for him to come closer. She leans across the counter as he tentatively steps forward, reaching towards him and tugging him to her side as he avoids looking down the front of her dress like one avoids the plague.

That is to say, not very well.

He averts his eyes as she yanks on his tie, this’ll be haunting his dreams until he dies.

He should not find this situation as fucking wonderful as he does. 

Is Ben a tie man? Maybe Ben Solo is a tie man.

She starts tugging at his tie, crossing one piece of fabric over the other as he clears his throat and forces himself to stand up. His hands go to Reys hair to busy himself, and distract himself from the fire that blooms in his chest every time one of her pretty little fingers brushes against his shirtfront. He really should do a better job of managing this, he thinks, considering Rey is literally about to become a full time resident of this house. He has no fucking clue how he’s going to survive this, truly.

He fumbles the hairbrush in his hand as he unties her hair and she  _ sighs _ under his ministrations.

He watches in awe as her eyes flutter shut, and he smiles to himself as she lets herself get distracted with just a simple gesture. Something he’s seen her do a thousand times to herself.

Fuck, she’s so pretty.

He starts brushing her hair as she opens her eyes again, starting to braid as she messes with his tie. He feels it tighten around his neck more than he sees it, instinctively raising his head as she smoothes her hands down the front of his chest and makes sure he’s ready to go. 

He’s even wearing a belt for her today, and dress shoes.

He tucks the braid, just meant to pull back the front of her hair, behind her ear as she finishes up with his tie.

“There.” She hums, pulling away from him as he does the same. “You’re all set.”

He looks down and meets her eyes. They stare at each other for a second, Ben finally breaking the silence as he stretches out his palms and tears his gaze away from her to mess with his cuffs. He tries to act like she isn’t the only thing he ever wants to look at. 

“Yeah, yeah. All set.” He gulps, as she continues to stare at him with confusion.

Fuck, he hopes he doesn’t screw this up.

//☆//

Rey’s stomach _ roars _ on the way to the courthouse, Ben visibly jumping in alarm as she cringes. Her body really has a mind of its own today, she feels completely out of control.

She feels fucking awful, on like… every front.

He turns to look at her as he stops at a stop sign, furrowing his brow as she uneasily smiles at him. Please don’t let him bring it up, please don’t let him-

“We didn’t eat lunch, did we?”

She sighs, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. “No.” She whines, hitting her head against the headrest. “We haven’t eaten since dinner last night, and I’m fucking starving.”

“You didn’t grab something to eat at break?”

“ _ No,  _ I didn’t have any cash on me! _ ” _

She stares at him, as he furrows his brow.

“Did  _ you _ ?”

“No.” He admits with a sigh, quietly tapping his fingers along the wheel as he drives. “You would have known if I bought something. You would have eaten half of it, because you have the nose of a fucking bloodhound. But like, only for gross snack foods.”

“Okay,  _ rude. _ ” She laughs, mood dramatically improved as Ben smiles. 

“It’s true! I can’t even pack gum without you finding it. You know this, Rey. You-“

“Can we  _ please _ move on from my apparently disgusting eating habits and find us some fucking lunch?”

Ben shakes his head, opening his mouth like he wants to say something. “Not gross, just… uncouth.”

“Uncouth? Did you seriously just call me  _ uncouth?”  _ She squawks, laughing as Ben goes all red and blushy. He starts stammering out a response about Rey not necessarily being uncouth, just not really having a refined palate. Not that it’s a bad thing! She should eat whatever she wants and he doesn’t even know if she’s really had the opportunity to try a lot of new foods, he would just like it if she-

He gives up somewhere around a statement about eating healthy, and how important it is to eat a rainbow or whatever. It sounds like something his mom drilled into him as a kid, not that Rey would know.

He goes quiet after a moment, scowling out the windshield as she quietly giggles.

“I fucking hate you, and your guts. You know that?” He hums, reaching out and grabbing her hand as she meets him halfway.

He squeezes, and she squeezes back. “I know.”

He sighs with a shake of his head, turning and checking the clock in his car. “Also, I don’t think we have time to stop.” He hums, as Rey whines next to him. She throws her head back and slides down the passenger seat, groaning in absolute agony as he sighs. “We’re just barely going to make it on time, my mom said we need at least fifteen minutes between pulling into the parking and the actual court time. I think we’re going to pull into the lot with _ maybe _ fourteen minutes to spare? I don’t know, this is going to be fucking tight either way.”

Rey groans again, dramatically, as Ben reaches out and pats her thigh. “Think you can survive, sweetheart?”

She thinks about it for a moment, finally sighing a quiet “Yeah,” as he nods. She doesn’t need to eat, she’ll be fine. 

They fall silent again, Bens music just barely filling up the space between them. Rey sets her hand over his as he rubs her thigh, realizing he’s physically leaning towards her to pet her. It’s an oddly sweet gesture, really.

She stares at him as he concentrates on driving, pulling onto the freeway with a single muttered curse aimed at a white BMW that nearly cuts them off.

She just watches as he huffs, and she focuses her own efforts on playing with his fingers and interlocking her hands with his.

“I’m sorry you’re having a shitty day.” He finally sighs, turning to look at her as he drives. He just barely glances at her, focusing on the road like a good driver does. “I know today has been… not great. Between the stuff with our teachers, missing lunch, and the whole slowly bleeding out thing…” He hums, loosely motioning to her body as she smiles. He only brings up her period because Rey is also experiencing the worst fucking cramps of her life, because of course she is, and she had to ask Ben where he kept the Advil before they left. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish things were easier right now, you don’t deserve this.”

She raises their hands, kissing the back of his knuckles as she closes her eyes. “Not your fault.” She hums, leaning over the console and sandwiching his hand between hers and her face. “It’s not your fault shitty things happen, Ben.”

He squeezes her palm in response, bringing their hands over to his face and kissing the back of her hand a couple times. He uses his teeth to nip, smiling as she makes a  _ yuck  _ sound and he just smiles. 

Rey giggles as she pulls her hand from his, watching as Ben grins and taps along to whatever is playing from his phone against the steering wheel with his spare fingers.

He smiles and grabs her hand again, not letting her get too far without him at her heels, and Rey thinks she might combust from how happy that makes her.


	24. 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I would like to make it clear I've never been in a court room, so if this is just awful unreadable garbage im sorry WHOOPS

“Rey?”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to let go of my hand so we can get out of the car, sweetheart.”

Rey stares at Ben, gaze dropping to their intertwined fingers. Oh, they’re still holding hands.

Odd, she could have sworn she let go when they stopped the car and parked. Maybe her body is overruling her mind on this one, she can’t actually seem to let go.

“Mhm.” She hums, continuing to stare, but making no effort to actually  _ move _ . “That makes sense, because your door opens on one side and mine on the other. I can’t drag you with me.”

Actually, she wonders if she can-

She stops that train of thought, Ben sighing as she rotates and turns their hands to examine them together. No, she can’t drag him across the center console and out her door. And he has really nice hands, all big and strong. Very secure, and his palms are always just a little warmer than hers. Nice fingers too, he keeps his nails nice and short. Well groomed. Which is a lot to say for a teenage boy.

Ben sighs again, gently pulling his fingers from hers. She whines and pouts as he unlocks the driver side door, trying to grab at him as he shifts away from her. “I will hold your hand on the way in, okay?” He hums, as he unlocks the car. “I promise, I just  _ really _ don’t want to be late.”

He steps out through the door, leaning in as she gulps. “Rey, I swear, everything is going to be fine-”

“What if Plutt shows up?”

The words leave her mouth before she can even process really wanting to say them, because it only just occurred to her  _ now _ that he probably had to be informed of the situation. That he probably has an inkling of what is happening today. And even if she now has a restraining order against him, thanks to Leia and Phasma, she knows a piece of paper can only do so much.

And he, legally, has a right to show up. Kind of? She doesn’t know if the restraining order overrides a guardianship hearing or not. This whole law thing is…  _ so _ confusing.

She just wants to go home.

Her leg starts shaking, restlessly bouncing up and down as Ben sighs. “Rey, sweetheart.” He hums, crouching down and looking at her with soft eyes. “Nothing bad is going to happen, you have so many people in your corner-”

“But what if-“

Ben shuts the door with a slam, hurrying over to her side of the car. She unbuckles her seatbelt as he approaches, watching as he impatiently tugs on the handle. He jerks a little, huffing when he realizes it’s still locked. She locked him out, oops.

She quickly unlocks the door with shaking fingers as she twists to face him, watching in amusement as he sets his hands on his hips and waits for her with a pensive look on his face.

“I’ll punch him in the face if he shows up.” Ben sighs, stepping to the left and kneeling next to her as soon as the door swings open. “I swear to fucking god, I’ll punch him in the face. Nobody, not even my mother, could stop me.”

“Ben!” She laughs, covering her face with her hands as he rubs her thigh and smiles at her. Idiot- stupid-  _ boy- _

“Can we go now,  _ please?”  _ He hums, gently grabbing her bandaged hand. “I just want to get this over with, I just want to go  _ home _ . With  _ you.  _ Please?”

She pauses for a moment, biting her lip and nodding as he stands up and kisses her knuckle in the process. His eyes close whenever his lips make contact with her skin, she realizes. Eyelashes fluttering shut in some instinct to trust completely and wholly. To be vulnerable.

She wonders what that feels like.

“I’ll kick his ass, Rey. I’ll kick everyone's ass-“ He hums, eyes slowly opening as he looks down and grins.

“Ben.”

“I’ll kick god’s ass, I’ll kick your dog's ass, I’ll kick my own ass-“

“ _ Please _ don’t quote memes at me!” She wearily laughs, letting him pull her up and out of the car as he stands . She doesn’t know if she can handle laughing right now, she just might start crying again. 

She moves to his side, under his arm, as he closes the door and effectively locks the car behind them. His hand settles on her waist before turning to walk to the courthouse with her, securely keeping her tucked against him. 

Rey grabs his elbow in response, leaning into his side as they walk. She decides to let the sun beat down on her upturned face, as she shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath. It scares her a little, but it kind of feels good to not know where she’s going. It feels good to trust someone so implicitly, to try to be vulnerable.

He squeezes her arm, and keeps her safe as they wander across the parking lot. 

//☆//

Rey  _ bounces _ all the way through security, nervously rocking on her feet and clicking the heels of her nice sneakers as Ben hands off his ID to the security guard and walks through a metal detector. She snorts as he automatically ducks a little, uneasy with his own height.

It doesn’t go off, as Rey thinks about the little metal piercings in her ears. She can’t take them out, but she also really doesn’t want to deal with setting the detector off. There isn’t an abundance of people here, but there are enough that it would be an embarrassing experience at the very least.

Would the metal even set off the alarm? She doesn;t know.

The security guard grins as he examines Ben’s ID, Rey watching as the teen chews his cheek in response. “Oh! You’re Leia’s boy!” The security guard grins, handing a silent but surprised Ben the card back. “Your mom talks about you all the time, how’s senior year going? Got any responses back from colleges?”

Ben's eyes widen, Rey giggling from the other side of the metal detector.

He shoots her a look, before turning back to the security guard. He makes a motion for Rey to come through as Ben tucks the card back in his wallet, shrugging in response as he takes a step away to let Rey do her thing.

“Good, I won’t start getting letters back until March.” He sighs, a practiced response they both know all too well.

Letters won’t come back until March, first choice colleges are University of Naboo, Chandrila, and Ahch-to. Yes, they both have the same top colleges. Yes, they both want to attend Minor Ivys and nearly killed themselves during applications. Yes, Ben's mother attended Chandrila. Yes, Rey is praying to the gods of academia she gets a massive scholarship or something. No, she doesn’t really think it’s going to happen. Yes, Ben will probably get in to Chandrila because his uncle, grandfather, and grandmother all attended as well and they literally have an engineering building named after the Skywalkers and a library named after the Organas.

No, Rey has no clue why Ben's mom and uncle have two different last names, and she hasn’t really bothered to ask.

Yes, Rey has been having a crisis about going to the same college as Ben for a year now. 

Yes, Ben will probably get in because he’s both a fucking genius when it comes to the English language and a legacy student.

No, Rey doesn’t know what she’ll do when he’s gone.

She hands off her ID to the security guard, who looks her up and down before handing it back. “You two here to visit?” He hums, Rey tucking the card back in her wallet as Ben nods.

“Yeah, has my dad already come through?”

“Han? Yeah, showed up about an hour ago. You should find him-“ he leans forward on his stool, pointing down a long hallway. “Down there. Saw him go into a private meeting room with a blonde woman and a tall guy with a blue suit? Think your old man called him Lando? Weird lookin’ dude.”

“ _ Lando.  _ Of course they would call Uncle Lando.” Ben groans, pinching the bridge of his nose as Rey slaps a hand over her mouth before she starts cackling.

Lando is one of the lawyers that works in Leia’s sister firm in the city, Rey met him at Leia’s Christmas party last year. He’s known Han since they were twenty-somethings, and Ben  _ hates _ him. He still calls Ben  _ Littlest Solo. _

Rey thinks it’s fucking hilarious. 

“Oh my  _ god.”  _ She laughs, as Ben groans. “Think he’ll finish telling me the story about that time your dad-“

“ _ No. _ ” Ben sighs, rounding on her as she laughs. He grabs her hand as she waves to the security guard, letting Ben drag her away as she waves and giggles. “Bye!” She hums, as he waves back. 

“It was nice to meet you, Ben and… Ben’s girlfriend!”

Ben groans, shutting his eyes as Rey runs after him, laughing all the way.

God, when Leia gets wind of that-

Ben is never going to live that down, and Rey kind of loves it.

//☆//

Rey patiently sits at the end of a conference table, ankles crossed and hands clasped in front of her as Leia finishes laying out the case to Lando. 

Apparently he owes her a favor after she saved his ass during a case last year, and he specializes in family law anyways, so…

He’s going to be the one representing her, because evidently Rey needs a lawyer as well. Leia and Han will be representing themselves, of course, but Leia wanted a little extra muscle on Rey’s side of the team. Hence, Lando in all his gaudy glory. 

Having him here, in his paisley patterned blue suit with his long gold pocket watch that he’s currently swinging around his index finger, is putting her at ease. Oddly enough.

Ben grumbles from his place next to her, laying down on the table and burying his face in his crossed arms. He sighs as she stares at him, looking over his spine to see what the adults are talking about. She watches as Phasma runs over Rey's case file with Lando and Han, giving them the basics and showing them all of the relevant information.

Thankfully, no more baby photos pop up.

She leans on top of Ben, resting her weight on him as he huffs. “Shush,” she hums, patting his shoulder and sprawling out on top of him, “let me have this.”

He scoffs, turning his head to scowl at her as she smiles.

Cute.

He grumbles a little, but doesn’t make an effort to push her away as she listens to Phasma speak. Something about her previous foster houses, and the fact that this is the only ruckus Rey has ever caused. Apparently she’s been an exemplary child, rarely causing much trouble at all and keeping her grades up even through housing transitions. Phasma recounts the time Rey even spent in her own home, when they agreed that it wouldn’t be a good idea to transfer schools twice in the same year. 

That was when Rey developed the accent, sleeping on Phasma’s studio apartment couch and trying to emulate everything she did because she was  _ so cool. _

She hasn’t shaken it yet, and she doubts she ever will.

Lando nods, flipping through the case file as Leia leans back in her chair. “So, let me get this straight Lei, we have a kid with no previous trouble, no contending guardians, has been in the system since birth, and physical evidence of abuse? You don’t need me. I’m wasting my time, you could have brought Chewie to represent her and you still would have won.”

Leia groans, as Lando emulates her posture and leans back in his chair as well. “I’m serious, I have never seen a more clear cut case. No doubt you’re going to win, you don’t need me.” He hums, crossing his arms and shrugging as Leia rubs the bridge of her nose. Rey smiles as she sees Ben in his mother, brow furrowed and no doubt picturing ways to separate Lando’s soul from his body.

“We know, but  _ my wife _ and I just want to make sure everything goes in our favor. Alright Calrissian?” Han hums, glaring at him as Lando puts his hands in the air.

“Okay, okay. I get it! But I still want compensation-“

“In what form-“

“Free oil changes, for life, Solo.”

Han scoffs, as Phasma rolls her eyes and gathers up the rest of Reys case file. She leaves the papers Lando needs with him, set into a neat little pile on the conference table. “No way! Your hunk of junk-“

“ _ My _ hunk of junk? What about  _ your  _ hunk of junk that you  _ stole _ from me!”

“Oh, shut up!” Leia shouts, startling both men out of their age old fight. “You know? This is why we can’t have nice things. Give him the goddamn oil changes Han.” She hums, gently whapping her husband on the back of the head with her palm as Lando smirks.

“Thank you, lotus flower.” He hums, as Han aggressively crosses his arms and stares at the ugly gray and brown carpet. Greige, Rey vaguely thinks.

“Of course, your  _ worship _ .” He growls, kicking at the leg of the table as Leia rolls her eyes.

Rey smiles into Ben's back, as he huffs at his parents' antics. 

//☆//

Ben crosses his arms as they get settled into the courtroom, tailing behind everybody else and watching as Lando leads Rey in by offering his elbow. Ben tries not to stare or make his concern too obvious as her hands wrap around his arm, fingers twitching in anxiety. “See, darling,” he hums, soothingly patting her hand as she looks around the room and gulps with wide, uncertain eyes. “Just like TV, we’re going to sit up at that table and Han and Leia will be sitting at the one next to us. Ben and Miss Phasma will sit behind us in these benches, and if you want you can totally tune out. Everything is under control, you’re safe.”

It sounds like a speech he’s given a thousand times, which isn’t something Ben likes to think about too much. 

He leans down to whisper something in her ear as they walk through the gates to the front area of the court, smiling as Ben awkwardly stands in the aisle and the court gate thing swings shut in front of him. He doesn’t really know what to do at this point, to be perfectly honest

He doesn’t know if he should sit on Rey's side or his parents. He watches as everyone gets settled in, and he just continues to stand like an idiot. Is it weird if he goes to sit by Rey? He would really like to stay by her right now, it would make him feel better about this whole situation. He doesn’t know why, he just feels like he belongs on her side right now.

He jumps as Phasma grabs his arm, gently pulling him over to Rey’s side. “Come on, girlfriend needs you.” She sighs, pushing him in ahead of her by the shoulders. He turns to contest her, yelping as she yanks him down to sit behind Rey with surprising strength. Ben decides that Phasma is a terrifying force of nature, and not one he wants to fight with anytime soon.

He settles in, rubbing his chin as he takes a deep breath. He reaches out and taps Rey on the shoulder, trying to let her know that he’s here for her. That she’s not alone.

He smiles as she turns in surprise, shoulders relaxing as she exhales and closes her eyes. She mouths a silent “thank you” as the back door for the judges opens, Ben snapping to attention as she does the same.

The judge gets about three steps in before freezing, quietly cursing to himself as Ben looks on in confusion. He watches as the judge, somewhat familiar to him but not familiar enough to immediately recognize, settles down in his seat at the front of the room.

“I thought I was handling family law today, Leia. Not criminal court.”

“That was one time, and I was innocent, Ackbar!” His father shouts, smiling and holding a singular finger in the air as his mother holds a hand over her face. He leans forward in his seat, exuberantly ready to defend himself against this apparent criminal charge Ben is just learning about. Great! His father is a criminal! Perfect! Just what he needed to hear! Cool, cool,  _ cool _ .

“Only because I dropped the charges!” Lando shouts back, Ben burying his face in his palms. Please don’t tell him it’s about the fucking car-

“I didn’t steal your fucking car! I won it fair and square, Lando Calrissian!”

“I was high! My ability to make judgement calls was negligible!”

“So was I! And you weren’t too high to play poker, if I recall!” 

_ Holy shit. _

Phasma mutters something like “For fucks sake” as Ben just groans into his hands. He has just learned way too much about his father over the span of the past twenty seconds, and he is  _ so _ not ready to deal with this right now. This both completely changes the way he sees his parents yet absolutely does not surprise him at all. This, somehow, fits perfectly between boy-scout gone community college dropout Han Solo and street driver Han Solo.

Holy shit, his dad won the Falcon in a poker match completely high off his ass. Ben will never be able to sit in that car without thinking of this ever again. 

God, his dad was a  _ stoner. _ That’s… some information.

Eventually Ben looks up, the men still fighting over the car he threw up in when he was eight as Ackbar silently goes through Rey's case and file. The man furrows his brow as Ben sighs, really hoping this argument isn’t screwing anything up.

His leg starts shaking, as he leans forward and tries to ignore the chorus of shouts still sounding from between the men. Lando is smiling, although his father isn’t, and Ben hopes the only reason his mother hasn’t broken it up is because somehow this isn’t completely fucking everything over for them.

Ben plugs his ears with his fingers, as Ackbar silently grabs his gavel and barks out a loud “order!” As he slams it against the wood.

The men begrudgingly go quiet, Phasma visibly relaxing next to Ben as his mother places her hand over his fathers.

Ackbar continues to silently read, as Lando offers his hand to Rey.

She takes it, although Ben thinks she almost turned around before doing so. Like he’s not the one whose hand she really wants to be holding right now. 

It makes an odd pride fill in his chest, the thought that she sees him as  _ safe.  _ If that’s all he ever means to her, he’ll be happy.

The courtroom goes silent, as Ackbar reviews the evidence with a flat expression. “Says here Mr. A. Plutt physically harmed the minor, is she present?”

“Right here, your honor.” Lando hums, dramatically motioning to Rey. She meekly waves with her bandaged hand, rubbing her elbow with the other. 

“Would Miss Niima be alright if I took a look at the damage, I’d like to examine it in person if she consents.”

Lando turns to Rey, as her eyes widen. Ben watches as she peers around Lando and to his mother, who gently nods.

Ben remembers something he overheard his mother say once,  _ the case changes if it scars. _

He doesn’t know what it means, but he thinks that might be why Ackbar wants to look at the injuries, her injuries, now. If it scars, if Rey is left with his marks, that changes the case. That changes the angle they can play here.

Ben also happens to know it’s going to scar, it’s a bad burn.

She stands on shaking legs, quickly unraveling her bandage as she walks to the stand. She lets him take a look at the faded bruise on her arm as she quickly undoes the last of the wrap, displaying her palm for him as well.

He hums, pensively, before dismissing her. Ben watches as she tries to start wrapping her hand back up, something she has, historically, had trouble with. Shit, someone’s going to have to help her. Hopefully Lando-

“So, Miss Niima, you’re seeking asylum with the Solos.” Ackbar hums, as Rey continues to struggle. She nods, turning to Lando and frowning as he stands up and moves away from her. Her hand hangs out uselessly, the cotton wrap refusing to stay on without an extra set of fingers to hold it down.

Ben watches as Lando straightens his jacket, moving into full lawyer mode and completely missing everything happening behind him. “My client,” he hums, “is looking for a _ family _ , your honor. Miss Niima has been in the foster system-“

Ben rolls his eyes, as Lando continues on and Rey continues to struggle with the bandage. She bites her lip, and Ben decides he has to do  _ something  _ because otherwise this is going to bug the hell out of him.

He thinks to himself, something he rarely does these days. He knows he’s not really supposed to interact with someone while they’re on trial, or at least in court, but it’s literally just a bandage. What are they going to do, yell at him for helping a girl rebandage her hand? That seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

He reaches over the fence, gently tapping Rey's arm. She turns to him and pouts with wide eyes, silently holding out her hand and the unraveled bandage. He smiles as she goes extra dramatic, making her lip quiver and everything. She really has him wrapped around her finger.

He starts wrapping her up, as Lando continues to make his case. They get about halfway through when Ackbar finally notices, halting Landos impressively improvised opening statement, “Wait a minute, wait a minute, who’s this? I have information on Miss Niima, the whole Solo  _ crew _ , and Miss Phasma. I don’t remember reading anything about a boyfriend.”

Ben freezes, pulse pounding in his ears as everyone in the room turns to him. He swears Phasma breathes out an amused puff of air as he panics.

He manages to form two words, pointing to his parents. “I’m theirs.”

Ackbar looks at Leia and Han, his poor mother leaning over the table and sighing into her palms as his father leans his head back and laughs. Rey just giggles as he slowly resumes his wrapping, suddenly wanting nothing more than to disappear into the wood of the court benches. He doesn’t know why he said that, he should have just denied everything. Denial is clearly the best course of action here.

“That’s Ben?” Ackbar hums, pointing directly at him. “ _ That’s _ the boy you’ve been using in my court room for eighteen years to sway juries? The one who loves calligraphy and dinosaurs? I was under the impression he was a scrawny little thing, how did you and Han make something like  _ that- _ ”

“Gial-“ his mother sighs, as Ben balks. Since when has he been a court bargaining tool? And he hasn’t had a dinosaur phase since he was like, five!

“You’ve been using our son as a persuasive argument?” His father laughs, as his mother groans again.

“The boy’s- how tall are you boy?”

“Six three” Ben mumbles, his mom frantically mouthing for him to shut up as she drags a finger across her throat.

Ben just shakily smiles back, continuing to slowly wrap Rey’s hand. 

She stifles her laughter as he works.

“ _ Six three, Jesus Christ. _ ” Ackbar sighs, smiling as he shakes his head. “I am, for the record, bringing this up next time you make a speech about ‘the importance of motherhood’ or ‘making a better future for our children’, speaking like your son is some sickly child-“

His mom scoffs, twirling her hand through the air. “This is unimportant, plus, my Ben will always be my baby. He knows that.”

Rey awws, as Ben scowls at his mother. He is  _ not _ a baby.

She doesn’t turn to see his face, as Ben finishes wrapping Rey's hand. She hands him the little metal clip, and he makes sure the apparatus is secure as Phasma leans over his shoulder and Lando continues his opening statement. “Is your family… always like this?” She asks, only mildly concerned.

Ben nods, turning to her as Rey flips back around. “You should see Thanksgiving,” he hums, “throw in an overcooked turkey, my uncle Luke, and you’ve got a  _ real _ Solo family experience.”

Phasma smiles, leaning back as Ben does the same. He watches as she crosses her arms, and crosses his own in response.

Ben doesn’t think he’ll mind holidays too much anymore, as long as Rey is there too.


	25. 25

Rey does kind of tune out for the majority of the hearing, tracing the patterns on the oak table in front of her with her eyes. Her only saving grace is Ben, knowing he’s behind her.

Literally, just having him physically behind her is helping. Knowing that he’s there, knowing that she isn’t doing this alone, is helping her not freak out. She keeps on daring looks behind her, just to make sure he’s still there.

He always is, patiently playing with his fingers.

She thinks about the last time she was in a courtroom like this, she must have been, what, five years old? Finn was being dragged through adoption proceedings, and the whole kindergarten class was invited to the hearing, including Rey.

Her foster parents dropped her off with another family, refusing to go to the hearing with her because they probably felt it would be awkward for another foster kid to sit with a family that didn’t plan on keeping her around while her best friend was promised a forever home. Something they didn’t want to have to explain, most likely.

His mom wore a pink dress, his dad a brown suit.

It was near Valentines day.

They gave him a monogrammed backpack, with his new last name, and a build a bear dog that said “Mommy and Daddy love you” through a clipped audio recording. Finn still has it in his room, despite the poor thing having lost an ear from being so well loved. He says it’s the one thing he would save in a fire. It’s his most valuable possession.

Rey clutches her wrist, and stares at her burnt palm.

She wonders why she never got that. 

She wonders if Han and Leia have planned anything.

She crushes the thought before she gets her hopes up, because she knows they didn’t. She knows they don’t understand what this means to her, that this is the closest she’ll ever get to an adoption. How much this changes everything, how badly she wants this to be more than just a temporary guardianship hearing until she turns eighteen.

Three more months, and then she’s free. Out of the system, away from it all. Three more months, and she is independent. No forever home to go to. She tells herself she’ll be free, and it’ll be good. She won’t have to worry about pesky things like guardians anymore, even if she really likes having Ben's parents look after her.

She turns to look at Ben again, out of the corner of her eye. God, she doesn’t want to lose him. This. She really doesn’t want to lose  _ this _ .

She must look a little too long or something, because she feels his hand on her elbow. Tentative fingers stroking her skin, asking permission to grab on a little tighter.

She drops her arm, feeling his fingers wrap around her bandaged hand. He clasps it in his, securely holding on tight.

Rey doesn’t dare let go until she knows everything is going to be alright, and Ben doesn’t make her.

//☆//

“Request granted, now get your scoundrel of a husband out of my courtroom, Mrs. Solo.” Ackbar hums, sighing as he unceremoniously hits his gavel against the stand and signs the official court documents which will officially declare Rey under Leia and Hans guardianship. 

Rey beams, really trying not to tear up as Ben pats the back of her hand. She feels the weight of  _ everything _ finally lift from her shoulders, as her vision goes blurry and she rapidly blinks. They did it, Rey has somewhere to go home to. They  _ won _ .

She blinks again. She won’t cry, she won’t let herself cry in front of all of these people. It means nothing, it’s just a guardianship.  _ She won’t cry. _

She turns to look back at Ben, leaning forward and gently smiling right back at her, as Ackbar gathers his papers and Lando moves to go and talk to Leia. Phasma leans towards the two teens, as Ben drops her hand and sets both of his hands on the railing.

“You did it.” He hums, as Rey sets her hand on top of his. She absentmindedly rubs his knuckle with her thumb, tracing circles and grounding herself as he sets his other hand over hers. “See? I told you everything would be fine.”

Rey focuses on just taking a deep breath, nodding in response because she can’t quite trust her own vocal chords right now. If she starts speaking she’s going to cry.

“I’m proud of you, Rey.” Phasma hums, reaching forward. Rey realizes she moved her sunglasses to her head at some point, steel blue eyes looking towards her with kindness. “You might see me for a routine visit before you turn eighteen, but as far as I’m concerned you’re  _ out _ . Leia and Han are very lucky to have you under their guardianship, kiddo.”

Rey nods, as Phasma turns to look at the other adults in the room. She turns back to Rey after a moment, “You have my phone number, right? You know you can always call me, you’re still one of my kids. I don’t want to lose track of you once you age out.”

Rey nods, again, smiling as Phasma addresses Ben and pats him on the back. He only jumps a little as she places her palm on his shoulder. “And you, take good care of her. Don’t feed her after midnight, and don’t break her heart. Only two requests. Think you can manage?” 

Rey snorts, as Ben blushes and his eyes widen in surprise. He begins to think of some type of comeback, mouth opening to respond as Phasma stands up and brings Rey into an embrace. “I need to go and check in on a seven year old who apparently just bit his foster mom, but if you need anything else  _ please _ call. Both of you. You have a lot of people fighting on your side. I don’t want you to think you’re figuring this out on your own.”

Rey nods again, as Ben thanks Phasma for the help with a sigh. She smiles at him before walking off, getting accosted by Leia in the meantime with a firm handshake and a thank you. Rey smiles as Phasma uneasy engages in conversation with her.

She smiles as the woman not so sneakily kicks Han in the leg and elbows Lando in the stomach to get them to do the same. It takes them a second, but they finally get the message and repeat the process.

Rey turns back to Ben, who is just continuing to stare at her. “You ready to get out of here?” He hums, quietly smiling as she nods.

She still doesn’t speak, still scared she’ll start crying. 

She nods again, and Ben stands up. He offers his elbow for her to hang onto as they walk towards the gate, because even  _ she _ won’t ask him for help jumping over a court fence.

She watches him talk to his parents, still not really paying attention as Han opens the swinging gate for her and she scurries out. She tucks herself behind Ben's arm as he speaks, explaining that they haven’t eaten lunch yet and they’re both starving. 

Leia offers to go with them, to celebrate, when Ben sighs and says it’s probably just better if they go alone. He’s sure she has work, and his dad probably needs to get back to the shop because Chewie is still there-

She says it’s no problem, and Ben insists they’ll be fine. They’ve got Ben's car anyways, they would have to drive in separate vehicles… they’ll celebrate during dinner, he promises.

Rey squeezes his arm, pouting as he turns to her. “Plus,” he hums, “it might just be good to be alone for awhile, right? Take a breather?”

Rey nods, she would like that. A chance to clear her head, really think about everything that’s happened today so far. That would make her very happy.

Leia nods, and Ben tells her they’ll be home by dinner; and if they’re not he promises to text. 

Leia has never made them promise that before, because they’ve never skipped dinner. Plus, they have stuff to do. Rey’s sure they’ll be home by sunset.

Ben just nods, and soon enough he’s leading them both back out of the courthouse. Rey smiles as she watches his gait, the little bounce he has in his step and the small smile etched on his face.

He’s happy, Rey realizes he’s  _ really _ happy. 

“I hope I didn’t speak out of turn, earlier.” He hums, as they walk towards the parking lot. Rey realizes she forgot to say goodbye to the security guard, she should have at least waved.

Fuck, that was rude.

Ben continues, unaware of the minor conflict inside her head, as he pulls the keys from his pocket and unlocks the vehicle. “You just look about two sentences away from crying again, and I’m worried you’re going to get dehydrated.” He tries to joke, as she nods in response. It- that’s funny. Ben is funny. She thinks.

She closes her eyes, and leans against him. She feels him wrap his arm around her, tucking her against his side.

“Hey, you okay?” He quietly asks, as she turns towards him.

He looks so worried, so scared, as he rubs her hand. His big brown eyes stare down at her in concern, watching her face and gulping as she nods. Like he’s trying to see something in her face, like he’s looking for something.

She jumps up on her toes, pulling him into a tight hug. It takes him a second, but he wraps his arms around her in response. She melts against him, as he lifts her up a little and keeps her elevated on her tiptoes.

“ _ Thank you. _ ” She finally hums, as Ben smiles into her neck and they stand in the middle of the parking lot. She doesn’t know what she would do without him.


	26. 26

“Okay,” Ben sighs, as they pull out of the parking lot, “What do you want to do for lunch? Whatever you want, it’s on my mom’s card.”

“Ben, I seriously couldn't care less about lunch right now.”

Ben turns to her, shocked and appalled. “ _ What the fuck _ .” He whispers, reaching out and playfully poking her arm with a finger. Her warm skin yields to his touch, freckles moving as he presses against her and she giggles. “ _ Who are you and what have you done with my Rey? _ ” He asks, as she swats his arm away with a laugh.

“Fuck off!” She gasps, slapping his hand away before intertwining her fingers with his.

She sets their locked hands on the console, Ben squeezing her palm as he smiles. He loves it when she does that.

He gives her a second to take a deep breath and gather herself, as he drives with no location in mind. Just somewhere, just to get moving. Just to keep moving forward. Just to move on from today, from this.

He realizes he’s heading towards the coast as his eyes hit the highway, and it doesn’t sound like such a bad way to spend the afternoon. 

“You know when you have a really big test right before lunch, and then you need like fifteen minutes to chill out before you can even think about food?” She asks, as Ben turns and follows the street sign pointing to the coast. It might be a bit of a drive, but what else are they going to do today?

“That’s what I feel like right now.” She explains, voice uncharacteristically quiet and soft. “Like I just had a really big test, and I can’t stop thinking about it even if it’s over and done with.”

Ben squeezes her hand again, turning to her as he leans back and lets his car do most of the work. The TIE really floats on the highway, once it gets into higher speeds the thing drives like a charm. 

“But you did it, and you know you passed. You know you’re stuck with me.”

“Until I age out-“

“ _ Forever _ , Rey. None of this aging out bullshit. You’re stuck with me, sorry. I need my best friend, she means the world to me.” He grunts, furrowing his brow. He hates the fact she’s thinking about  _ aging out. _ Ben doesn’t intend on letting her go that easy. She’s stuck with him and his parents, and that’s final.

She goes quiet, and Ben squeezes her hand again. He starts playing with her fingers, as he merges into another lane. “She’s smart, and funny, and ridiculously nice to me. She makes me feel right about my place in the world, even if she doesn’t know it. I don’t know what I would do without her, if I’m honest.” He sighs, tilting his head from side to side as he seemingly weighs the positives and negatives of being friends with Rey, “But she drools, and her taste in candy is  _ disgusting _ because who actually likes white chocolate and eats it voluntarily-“

“Ben!” She squeaks, huffing at him as he smiles.

“But she’s mine, and she’s stuck with me.” He teases, turning to glance at her. She’s staring at him, beaming as he drives.

“She sounds nice.” Rey hums, placing her bandaged hand on his as she watches him.

She squeezes his hand with both of hers as Ben drives, to nowhere in particular. To anywhere, really. To whatever is next.

“You would hate her.” He whispers, smiling as Rey starts giggling next to him. 

//☆//

They make it to the coast before either of them bring it up again, talking about anything but the court case. About what just happened. About what this means for them.

But Ben found a look-out spot to pull into, and even over the smell of saltwater and the whipping wind it hangs like a heavy silence between the two of them.

“What happens next?” Rey hums, unbuttoning the top of Ben's shirt. He stowed his tie in the backseat, and Rey said he looks silly with his shirt all done up. She gave him a once over and said he looked too much like a preacher's son, whatever the hell that means.

She fusses with it, as he turns to look down at her. “Whatever we want, I think.” He hums, Rey flashing a small smirk before swallowing it. 

_ Whatever makes you happy _ , He thinks.

Rey licks her lips, furrowing her brow as she slips into the space next to him and smiles. They’re leaning against the hood of his car, just staring out into the ocean and listening as the waves crash below them. Cars whizz behind them as Rey's hair starts flapping around her face, stray bits getting caught in her mouth. She uses her finger to pull them out, making a noise of distress as Ben smiles. He thinks he loves the ocean.

“When Finn was adopted, his parents got him a stuffed rabbit. It has a clip of their voices saying they love him.” Rey hums, crossing her arms. Ben watches her face as she thinks, reflects. “I-I think I was expecting more from today, you know.”

She leans into his side, shivering a little as they draw closer together. Oh, Ben didn’t know she was really  _ expecting  _ anything else. He didn’t think this far ahead, he never does.

He sets an arm over her, kissing her temple. “Rey, my dad won’t even tell  _ me _ he loves me. Please don’t hold it against them if they don’t do more _. _ ”

“No! No, I’m not expecting anybody to do more. You, your parents…” She shakes her head in disbelief, as Ben watches in curiosity. “You have all done so much more than you needed to, you’ve all gone  _ so _ out of your way to make this work-“ her jaw opens, but no sound comes out as she sighs. She shakes her head and runs a finger under her nose as she sniffs, settling in closer to Ben.

“You have all done so much, I couldn’t ask for more. I think I was just expecting it to feel different. Like suddenly everything would make sense. Instead, I’m realizing how scary it is to have something to lose.”

Ben watches as she sighs, and closes her eyes against his chest as she leans into him. She nuzzles against him as he rubs her back, as they think.

He leans back, looking up and towards the foggy ocean. “I never thought about it like that.” He mumbles, watching as a wave crests down the way and smashes into a rock. The whole cliff is rugged, despite the water constantly crashing against it and trying to smooth it out. A fruitless effort, clearly.

Rey just sighs against him, as he thinks. 

“I ran away when I was in middle school, summer before I met you.” He admits, still staring at the rock. “I got so mad at my parents one day, I just picked up and left. They found me at a bus station, when an older woman called the police to let them know it looked like a runaway was sitting on a bench and was holding a bus ticket to New York. I wanted to get as far away as possible, I’m just surprised nobody called sooner.”

He shrugs, as he grabs her hand and he bites his cheek. What a different life he would have lived if he had succeeded. If he had actually gone through with it.

Would have completely missed Rey.

He’s so glad it didn’t work.

“I think I’ve been taking my parents for granted.” He mumbles, leaning his head against hers as he thinks. “Like, I’ve had this resource my entire life that I’m only just realizing is there. I didn’t know before- I didn’t understand-“ Ben refuses to look down at her, terrified for what awaits him. He feels like she’s going to be pissed at him, for not telling him. For trying to run. For being  _ him. _

_ “ _ You really tried to run away? Leave your family behind?”

Ben nods, ashamed beyond belief. It feels selfish now, to even entertain the thought. He doesn’t always like his parents, he’ll be the first to admit that, but he loves them. He is lucky enough to have  _ both _ of them. This whole week has fucking forced his eyes open, into seeing how lucky he is to have parents that  _ care. _

He stays quiet for a moment, feeling Rey shift next to him as he sighs. Another wave crashes against the rocks, and he furrows his brow in response.

“Ben.” Rey hums, tugging on his hand as he continues to watch the water, “Ben, look at me. Please.”

He turns to her, always yielding. 

She smiles, pink lips upturned, “It’s okay. I-I get it. You’re forgiven.”

He weakly smiles back, setting his jaw against her forehead as she tugs on his shirt. “I don’t understand you, sometimes.” She sighs, folding into his embrace. “But it’s a good thing you got caught. A really good thing, I think. I needed you last week, and I need you now. Don’t run away from me.”

He pushes his cheek against her head, exhaling in relief. “I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetheart.” He hums, kissing her forehead and sighing. She smells like her old shampoo, not the same brand but close enough, and finally Ben realizes how much he missed Rey smelling like Rey. How badly he needed this. 

He’ll have to ask what brand she likes later, if he can manage to pry it out of her at all.

“It scares me when they fight.” She nervously whispers, wrapping her arms around his torso. “I could see you getting really scared as a kid, trying to get away from it and not knowing what to do. It makes sense, kind of. I mean- I understand why you would run. I did, after all, when I was scared. Maybe you thought you were protecting yourself, I don’t know-”

Ben nods, because that’s exactly what happened. She knows him too well, truly. Maybe they’re cut from the same cloth after all.

She sighs, and Ben kisses her on the temple again. “But I stayed because I met you.” He hums, smiling against her skin. “Like you came into my life exactly when I needed you.” He hums, careful not to let his voice break. “You gave me something to fight for. You have been my something to lose since I first saw you looking at me like you wanted to kill me. You made me, you make me, want to stick around.”

She smiles against his chest, and Ben holds her close. 

“Good.” She whispers, clutching onto his shirt. “ _ Good _ .”

And then, quietly, like she’s just saying it to herself. “You make me want to stick around too.”

//☆//

They don’t leave until the late afternoon, Ben sending off an email to Principal Holdo as they drive. “I’m calling in a favor.” He hums, smirking as they sit in a grocery store parking lot. 

“A favor?” Rey asks, half of her burrito in her mouth. They stopped to get a late lunch, probably  _ ruining _ their dinners in the process.

“She offered to help us if we needed it, and what are the odds of us  _ actually _ getting any homework done tonight?” He smirks, turning to Rey as she does the mental calculations.

Rey just blinks in response as she thinks. That is… a good question. She is not quite sure she’ll be capable of focusing at all tonight, and even if she  _ was _ they’ve already wasted most of their day. They would have to stay up all night at this point, Rey doesn’t think she could physically pull that off after the day they’ve had. She is, to be frank, fucking exhausted.

She swallows her supper, as Ben smirks. “You’re right, send the email.”

He shoots it off, blindly reaching for the chips resting on the center console as Rey takes another bite of her dinner.

//☆//

“Are you ready to go home yet?” Ben hums, as Rey lifts her head from the passenger side window. Some playlist she doesn’t recognize is playing from his phone, plugged into the car, as she realizes the sun is starting to set.

She thinks for a moment, biting her lip as Ben just coasts through a neighborhood she isn’t familiar with. Up and down suburban streets she doesn’t recognize.

“No.” She hums, picking up his phone to text his mom. “You know what, I’m really not.”

He nods, smiling as she drafts a message and reads it out to him before sending.

_ Rey and I are taking a drive, is it alright if we stay out a little while longer? We have homework for tomorrow figured out, Principal Holdo told us not to worry. Might need a little more time to clear our heads. _

Her response comes a second later, like she was expecting it or something.

**Yes, Rey, you two can stay out a little while longer.**

**Drive safe, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do**

**And for the love of god please don’t do anything Ben’s father would do.**

**Also, there is takeout in the fridge for when you get back. Han and I will be staying up until you come home, and send me updates on where you are. Despite what Ackbar might think I am not going to let my children loose into the woods without at least a little supervision.**

Ben laughs as Rey reads the messages back to him, turning his phone off and plugging it back into the radio system. She restarts the music as he shakes his head, reaching out to grab his hand in the process. 

She almost tells him she loves him, in that moment. And maybe she would have been able to pass it off as a friendly gesture, a gesture of gratitude, but looking at him in that moment…

With the gold of the sunset slicing his face in half, handsomely lighting up his features, and a button down shirt wrinkled from use and starting to become a little untucked? With his hands drumming along the steering wheel, and his face focused on the road ahead? With his hair mussed, his collar unbuttoned, and those stupidly pretty dimples on his cheeks deepening every time he smiles?

Rey doubts she could be a convincing actress, really.

She almost tells him she loves him, which is how she decides that whatever Ben wants from her needs to happen tonight.

She almost tells him she loves him, and she’s almost sure he feels the same way.


	27. 27

“Ben! Stop!” Rey yells, Ben slamming on the breaks in response. They both jerk forward, Ben protectively throwing an arm out in front of Rey as he grunts and the full force of his chest slams against the seatbelt. Thank fucking  _ god _ for seatbelts.

Rey squeaks as he turns to her, still holding his hand out. “What the fuck, are you alright?” He asks, as she just clings onto the chest strap in front of her with a slightly dazed look in her eyes. “What the  _ fuck _ was that?”

“I just- I needed you to stop-“

“ _ Are you alright? _ ” Ben asks again, because that’s all that matters right now. He doesn't know why Rey just yelled at him to stop the car, but he’s going to damn well listen to her. He’s going to make sure she’s okay, obviously.

She nods, and he finally lowers his arm as his pulse starts to return to normal, “Jesus Christ, okay, what the fuck was that? Why did we need to stop?” He asks, as she points past his face and out the window.

“Park.” She squeaks out, as he turns to look. There’s a green field to his left, completely empty except for the faint shimmer of moonlight on the grass and a small play structure. He flips back to her in bewilderment, watching as she stares at him with a blank expression on her face. What?

“The park?”

“Yeah, the park. I want to stop at the park.”

He just stares at her, because Rey has clearly lost her marbles. “Sweetheart, it’s-“ he checks the clock in his car, eyes widening in surprise. Shit, they need to get back home like  _ right _ now. “It’s almost one am, we are not going into the park.”

She whines, and Ben watches as she tiredly crosses her arms and angrily pouts. “We  _ need _ to stop at the park, Ben. Please! Please, please,  _ please _ ! I want to stop at the park  _ so badly _ .”

Ben sighs, pulling into a parking spot on the street as she continues her assault on his ears. She’s fucking persistant, that’s for sure.

He turns off the engine as Rey shifts from loud complaining to gentle whining in the passenger seat. The things he does for her, really. “Okay, fine.” He concedes, flipping on the interior light of the car. “You’ve convinced me, let’s go get fucking murdered in a closed public park in the middle of the night.”

Rey weakly cheers, as Ben steps out of the vehicle with a sigh.

He exhaustedly locks his car up, making sure to grab his keys and turn off the interior light before closing the door. He watches as Rey goes to the trunk, and waits.

She shivers, as he stares at her.

“Blanket.” She chirps, pointing at the still closed trunk with pure determination in her eyes. Again, this woman is insane.

“I don’t have a blanket?” Ben responds, as Rey scowls at him. He walks over to the trunk, keys in hand, ready to just urge her home if she really is so cold and tired that she can’t form full sentences. 

“Yes you do.” She corrects, snatching the keys from his hand. “I put it there.”

Ben just watches in awe as she opens the trunk, going to a bag hidden in the back of the storage compartment. It’s labeled “emergencies”, with Rey’s handwriting right on the front. He had assumed it was an emergency medkit and toolkit, not-

A blanket, and a box of energy bars, along with the aforementioned toolkit and medkit. “You need a blanket and food in any car, especially if you’re going up into the mountains.” Rey explains, like Ben regularly drives up to snow covered cabins. (Which, for the record, he does not.) “Just in case you need them, you know. You can never be too careful.”

Ben nods, like it’s obvious that Rey would stash a blanket and food in his car, as she dumps the blanket in his arms with a happy hum. “We’re stargazing.” She declares, slamming the trunk shut and dragging him out onto the grass. Ben lets his eyes adjust to the darkness as Rey leads him by the arm, gently pulling him into the park. 

When she finds where she wants to rest, right smack in the middle of the field, she takes the blanket from his grasp and lays it down on the ground. She sits, plopping herself down on the ground and staring up at him with strangely bright eyes considering how absolutely late it is.

She waits for him, wet grass ticking at Ben's ankles as he settles down next to her. She yanks him by the shoulder to lie on the ground with her, his hair hitting the wet grass as he feels the water seep through the picnic blanket and into his clothes as he grimaces. They’re going to get fucking  _ soaked _ , they must have run the sprinklers right before the sun set.

God, he hopes Rey checked for deer shit.

He ignores this thought, because it’s too late anyways, and wiggles his spine a bit to get more comfortable against the cold ground. Rey turns on her side in response, and rests right up against his side with a content exhale. He bets her eyes are closed, as she nestles against him and he starts to focus on the stars above them. He doubts she actually has the attention span for stargazing tonight, he knows there’s a decent chance she’s going to fall asleep on him right now.

He rubs her back as they watch in silence, realizing how fucking cold it is out here. Luckily Rey throws her leg over his hip as he shivers, huffing warm air against his neck as she sets her face in his shoulder and smiles into his chest. She is blessedly warm against him, in the darkness and the cold.

Ben takes a deep breath, staring at the stars and trying to see if he can remember anything from that planetarium trip his uncle took him on when he was a kid. Maybe he could impress her, with his minimal knowledge of constellations.

“Do you know how to stargaze?” Rey asks, reaching across his chest. Her hand uneasily settles on his far arm, fingers reaching as she tries to wrap him up in her embrace. Like she’s the one protecting him, which is entirely plausible in this dark park that not even the streetlights will illuminate.

They really are going to get themselves killed out here, Ben thinks.

His other hand rubs her back, as she shuts her eyes and sighs. It makes her happy, if the little noises she makes are any indication, so he continues to do it. “A little,” he admits, “not enough to be cool or anything.”

She snorts, smiling against his side. “Try me.” She hums, Ben furrowing his brow.

He licks his lips, adjusting his grasp on Rey as he tries to figure out where to start. 

“That,” he hums, pointing directly above them, “is the Big Dipper. You, know that, right?”

She huffs, slapping his side. “Yes, I know the fucking  _ Big Dipper _ . Is that the best you can do?”

Ben rolls his eyes, continuing to point, “Look, you  _ asked. _ ” He teases, as she giggles against him. Her whole body shakes as she laughs, and Ben continues to stare up at the stars and sigh. His eyes flicker between the bright points of light, as he chews his cheek and tries to find what he’s looking for.

It takes him a second, but it finds it hidden right at the edges of the treeline. He turns his head to get a better look, pointing back up at the Big Dipper. “Look, just- if you follow the far cup of the Big Dipper,” he hums, turning to look down at Rey to make sure she’s watching. The starlight reflects in her eyes, as she watches his hand with rapt attention. 

He moves his finger across the sky, to that point above the dark treetops, “You find true north. Polaris.” 

They stare at the fading star, once the brightest point in the dark sky but now no more luminous than its counterparts.

“ _ Oh. _ ” She hums, completely surprised that Ben actually knew something about the stars. The expectation was so low, it would almost be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

He sighs, and tries to remember literally anything else. He had a whole astronomy phase too, as a kid. Had the sticky stars on his ceiling and everything. A big book of stars that still sits on his bookshelf. He can’t believe he’s forgotten  _ literally _ everything.

He tries to remember at least one more constellation, giving up after a measly five seconds. Whatever.

They fall silent, as he brings his arm back down to his chest. It inadvertently crosses across Reys, and she brings her hand up to grab his before he slides away from her. Her fingers interlock around his hand, and he squeezes her palm in response as she rubs her thumb into the muscle of his palm.

They stare for a while longer, comfortably uncomfortable with this whole situation.

“Ben?” Rey hums, voice far quieter than usual. Ben turns in response, looking down at her as she stares up at him with wide eyes. She licks her lips, as she stares him down. That gesture definitely does things to Ben that he’ll examine later. For now, it looks like she has something to say.

“I have a… present, for you, I think.”

“You think?” He asks in confusion, as Rey buries her face in his shirt front. She nods against the fabric, sighing and shutting her eyes as Ben tilts his head.

“Yeah, I think,” she hums, “but you have to close your eyes! And if you hate it, you have to promise not to tell anybody and  _ not to laugh at me _ . Okay?”

Ben just stares, beyond confused by this sudden shift in conversation. She either has a present or she doesn’t, physical objects don’t normally disappear and reappear without a magician's hand and some clever tricks. “You know I would never laugh at you-“

She holds her hand out, sticking her pinkie in his face and bopping his nose. “Promise or no present, Solo.”

He sighs, closing his eyes and resting his forearm over the top half of his face as he shrugs in uneasy response. He locks his pinkie around hers, giving one firm shake as she moves away from his side. He is, to be perfectly honest, more than mildly suspicious here. “I swear to god, if you drive off without me-“

“Ben,  _ please _ shut the fuck up.” She giggles, as he smiles in response. He remembers his keys are still in his back pocket, and thanks the past version of himself for making them inaccessible to her quick fingers.

He motions a zipper across his lips, as he feels her place her hands on his biceps and continue to giggle like this is the funniest thing in the world. He smiles as he waits, feeling her thumbs rub into his biceps with soothing, tight circles. He wonders what the hell she’s doing, as he lets himself settle down and relax.

He feels a warm pressure on his lips, kickstarting his heart into high gear and completely frying his brain as soon as contact is made. The pressure is gone just as quick as it was there, Ben lifting his head up to try and chase whatever the hell just happened. His mind is essentially reduced to static in the blink an eye, or a tv channel that’s suddenly gone off air and is just making one shocked beep in response. He feels like that one shocked beep.

His mind refuses to respond, for the longest two seconds of Ben Solos life.

Holy shit.

He keeps his arm over his face for a second, he has to, as he tries to process what the fuck just happened.

Rey just kissed him, he thinks. Right?

He eventually lifts his arm up and away from his eyes, finding Rey kneeling next to him and staring at him expectantly. She looks oddly calm, at peace with herself. Settled.

Oh, shit, she’s waiting for him to say something. This is his turn to make conversation, maybe? Is that right?

“You, uh,” He hums, voice recklessly breaking as he gulps. “You might have to do that again, just so I, you know,  _ know _ -“

She starts giggling again, as he grins. “Jesus Christ.” She hums, clumsily leaning forward and placing her lips on his. He smiles as she cups his cheek, just kind of pressing her lips against his in an odd mimicry of what they both think kissing  _ should _ be. He gently grips her waist in response, tugging her towards him as she gasps and giggles into his mouth.

He just does what feels good, and currently that’s getting as close to her as possible. Just having his hands on her is enough.

She pulls away, resting her forehead against his as she moves to lie on top of him. For better angles, he presumes. 

Luckily, Ben has the exact same train of thought. He turns at the same time she does, and inadvertently forces them into a mess of tangled limbs as they crash sideways onto the blanket in a series of shocked yelps. They finally get situated after a second, Ben apologizing for potentially hurting her as they straighten themselves out on this scratchy, wet blanket she dragged out into this public park at one am. 

It’s kind of a disaster, Ben nearly crushing Rey's knee in the process and making her squeak in alarm as his forehead bumps against hers when he tries to untangle his hand that somehow ended up in her hair. He doesn’t even begin to know how that happened, not that it’s an awful idea. He kind of likes having his hands in her hair.

They both start giggling after a moment, Ben still profusely apologizing and Rey still cupping his cheek as she presses her forehead to his. He admires the way she brushes off all of his stupid mistakes like they’re nothing, taking a deep breath as she shifts so they’re eye to eye.

Fuck, he is so in love with her.

Screw any of his dumb rules, he’s so happy she just did that.

He kisses her, this time, smiling as she tilts her head for him with another sweet squeak of surprise. She tugs him closer by the collar, and Ben experimentally nips at her lip. It takes them a little while to find their pattern, or their rhythm, but eventually they do so. Despite the giggles, and the teeth, and rapidly switching between way too much and way too little tongue, Ben Solo and Rey Niima figure out how the hell to  _ make out _ .

_ Thank god. _

Ben just holds her for the most part, and tries to keep up. It is everything he ever imagined and  _ more.  _ It’s perfect, Ben couldn’t picture anything better right now. He’s in heaven, he’s pretty sure he’s died.

They spend at least the next couple minutes like this, just learning how to make this work between giggles and light, wandering touches. How to navigate this lovely and  _ new _ thing between them. How to not be completely overwhelmed with each other and the magnanimity of this situation.

“We are  _ awful _ at this.” She finally manages between breathy gulps of air, pulling away from him before she suffocates. Ben laughs in response, trying to catch his own breath as she stares at him with a massive smile on her face. He never lets her get more than an inch away, noses bumping as he smiles. 

He shrugs, kind of uncertain what the right response to that is. “I don’t know,” He hums, as a cold breeze passes by them, “I kind of like badly kissing you.”

She laughs, all giggly and bright, as he tucks her against his chest and continues to badly kiss her forehead. She laughs into his body, as he laughs with her. 

“But we’ll get better, I think. You know, with practice.” She nervously hums, smiling as he nods. They will, with some more practice and some more time. Ben thinks he could make a habit of kissing Rey, if she lets him. You know, for practice. Maybe even for fun.

He holds her like that for a while, feeling his heart calm down for what feels like  _ weeks _ as he grins into the darkness and her hair. He eventually closes his eyes, as she hangs onto him like she could want nothing else. He fights the urge to kiss her again, still kind of reeling from whatever the hell that was.

“Hey.” She hums, Ben turning to look down at her. He loosens his grip on her as she rises to meet him again, face to face on this blanket. Her hair has come completely loose from her braid, lips a little swollen from being kissed so thoroughly. 

She looks fucking gorgeous. 

She pokes her finger against his chest, “This means you’re stuck with me, okay?” She hums, quickly kissing him again. “No matter what colleges we end up at, no matter how long the distance, no matter how long it takes to find our way back to each other, you’re stuck with me. You’re mine, Ben.”

He happily hums, leaning forward and kissing her again. He nips at her bottom lip as she shuts her eyes, and they end up nose to nose.

“Rey, you’re not going to have to worry about me going  _ anywhere _ . Unfortunately, I think we’re stuck with  _ each other  _ sweetheart.”

She laughs as he rolls on top of her with a grunt, determined to get better at this whole  _ kissing _ thing while they have the chance. Before they have to go home and pretend like none of this happened in front of his parents. She pulls on his hair when his lips meet hers again, arching her spine up for him so he can slip his hands under her back and hold her. She goes soft, pliant, under his touch, and Ben makes fevered promises to keep on kissing her until every inch of her knows exactly how far Ben Solo would go for Rey Niima. 

Ben Solo is  _ so  _ in love with Rey Niima.

He really should have seen this coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is... technically the end....
> 
> except for the epilogue! 
> 
> But thank you for reading, if you've made it this far. I love these dumb babies, and although I don't really know what I'm doing, I needed to write something like this and I hope someone might need to read it. I know it's not perfect, and I could spend the rest of my life tweaking it, but it's time it gets released out into the universe.
> 
> It's time to let it go, so I can get emotionally invested in a new story! The circle of life.


	28. 28 - Epilogue

“Shit, fuck-“ Rey curses, trying to pull on her heel as she closes the door of the rental car behind her. Ben chuckles as she shoots a glare at him over the top of the sedan, fixing his shades as he buttons his suit jacket and she hops on one foot.

She gets the heel in, stomping on the ground as Ben checks his hair in the reflection of the vehicle. It’s still long these days, covering his ears, as he pushes it back and fluffs it a little.

Her fiancé is  _ so _ obsessed with his hair. 

But she loves him anyways.

She straightens out her blue dress, careful not to take a hand to her own hair as she checks out her reflection in the window of the car. She looks nice tonight, she admits. Finally out of sweats and Bens old shirts, her favorite items of clothing to wear during her ongoing job search. She feels pretty, excited for tonight.

It’s not like that many people are apparently looking for a graduated engineering major with a minor in art history right now, and she’s honestly entertaining the idea of going back to school so she can get a graduate degree and actually work in a field she likes.

It is… not a fun process. In the slightest. She’s grateful to have a night off.

Ben steps over to her, checking over the complicated crown braid he made anyways. He asked to do it tonight, he wants to show her off. He spent nearly forty-five minutes pinning her hair up and following his moms instructions over FaceTime. She said that they should just stop by, but the two were already running late to this event and they didn’t have time and the hotel is halfway across town-

She supposes that’s what everyone wants to do during a high school reunion, though. Compare who has the best job, the best family, the best spouse. Who has their shit figured out, at twenty-fucking-five. Rey certainly doesn’t, she’ll happily admit that.

She tilts her head as Ben bends down and kisses her cheek, wordlessly smiling as he wraps his arms around her and starts guiding her towards the restaurant. He opens his mouth to say something, when a loud shout and a car door slamming comes from across the parking lot.

“Oh my god! Is that  _ Ben Solo _ and  _ Rey Niima? _ ” An all too familiar voice howls, Rey gasping as Ben sighs next to her.

Poe Dameron is waving both hands wildly through the air, looking all the adult he is now with his fancy patterned button-up shirt and coiffed hair. Wild curls that once always seemed untamable are finally slicked back, as Finn steps out from the passenger side and tries to adjust his cuffs. 

“Peanut!” Rey screams, doing her best to run towards him in heels. He looks up as she nearly trips over a pothole, beaming as he yells back at her and starts jogging so she doesn’t have to go all the way in these shitty shoes.

She debates just kicking them off, as Finn picks her up and swings her around as she squeals. 

He steps back from her, beaming, as she grabs his forearms. “You look fantastic!” They say at the same time, giggling as Poe and Ben greet each other with a firm handshake. 

Rey isn’t lying, either. Adulthood suits Finn, he looks happy. This is the first time she’s seen him since he started his job as a preschool teacher, working in the same district they grew up in. He wanted to stay close to home, close to family. He looks so much happier than when he was going to college halfway across the country.

Rey understands, she and Ben call Han and Leia at least twice a week. She loves where life has taken her, but she misses being able to see  _ their _ family every day.

“Alright, where’s the ring!” Poe asks, excitedly bouncing up to Rey as Ben sighs and crosses his arms with a quiet grin. He blushes and lowers his gaze to the asphalt as Rey tugs on the chain around her neck, showing off the engagement ring she keeps there.

The boys gasp and whistle, Poe in particular sounding off a quiet wolf-whistle as Rey giggles. “I feel like I’m going to lose it if I keep on my finger, and it’s difficult to work on the TIE with it anyways.” She shrugs, blushing as she looks up to meet Ben's eye. He had thought almost everything through for the proposal, every little detail was  _ perfect _ . It was a dream, the best moment of Rey's life.

Except for the fact Rey doesn’t like rings. They don’t sit right on her hand, and she has a  _ thing _ about having her fingers restrained. It’s understandable, really, after everything she went through in this town.

He comes over to her as Finn drops the ring and hugs her again. “I’m so proud of you, Peanut, I can’t believe you’re getting  _ married _ .”

“Neither can I.” She whispers, wrapping her arms around him.

When she steps back Poe is sizing up Ben, taking a step back and setting his hands on his hips. “Dude, did you like… get bigger?” He asks, motioning to Ben's chest.

Ben just shrugs, crossing his arms in response. It’s a fair question, he does fill out his clothes very nicely these days.

“I bought a set of dumbbells.” He explains, like that, somehow, solves the mystery of Ben Solo. 

(It does not.)

Rey snorts, as Poe’s jaw drops. He punches Finn in the arm, harder than is probably necessary, “Dude, you didn’t tell me his voice got deeper too? What the fuck happened to the guy who used to play dungeons and dragons with us?”

“Oh, he still plays.” Rey reassures them, as the group turns towards the restaurant. “It actually got him to try a creative writing class-“

“Which, I ended up majoring in.” He explains to an enraptured Poe, who has stayed in contact with Finn but not Ben and Rey, aside from the odd social media update, of course.

Rey sets her mind to getting back in contact with Poe tonight, because she really missed his party-everywhere energy. She missed him, she realizes. She missed her friends, she’s happy to see them. She’s not ready to let them go without trying to reconnect first, especially now that she’s trying to figure out exactly who she wants invited to her  _ wedding.  _ Poe is, honestly, at the top of that list.

She wonders what he’s been up to, since he rickrolled the entire auditorium at graduation instead of giving a proper speech.

He nods, grinning as Ben wraps an arm around Rey as they walk. She leans into his side as they meander, grateful for his presence and his shoulder.

“That is… really cool, dude.” Poe hums, surprised but not shocked. “I mean, you’ve always been a really good writer. I’m glad you’ve found your calling.”

Ben nods, as Rey rubs his back. He nearly didn’t switch, she had to convince him that his happiness was worth more than whatever any business degree could offer. “He was also invited to join the law program at Chandrila.” Rey proudly hums, happy to brag on Bens behalf. He nods, screwing his face up as Rey explains for him. “But the head of the law department is this gross dude named Smoke? Snoke? I don’t know, but he gave me the creeps and said something that didn’t sit well with me-“

“He made an innuendo aimed at the love of my life, and I punched him in the face.” Ben shrugs, Rey proudly beaming next to him. She leaves out the details of the near lawsuit afterwards, saved only by the fact Rey and Ben were both students at that college and Ben's uncle Luke is the head of the engineering department. Which is actually how Rey got admitted on an almost full ride scholarship, because Leia not so subtly asked him to make sure her son's girlfriend got to follow him halfway across the country. And the whole legacy thing, that didn’t hurt either.

The money from the settlement, at least, gave them enough leeway to not worry about student debt for a year or so. Gave Ben time to figure out if he wanted to go into law or not, which he decided to go ahead and apply for.

He still writes, he still loves to write, but he decided that he wants to be a lawyer first. He can make a little cash on the side doing edits and articles, but he wants to go into family law right now. It will help them get on their feet, and it’s just a more stable source of income right now with everything going on at home.

Plus, he wants to do what Lando and his mother did for Rey. Ben wants to protect kids that can’t speak for themselves. He feels that’s his calling at the moment, although he’s really working on not tying himself down to any one choice.

Rey cried when he explained what his decision was, and he was freaked out that she wasn’t happy with it.

It was exactly the opposite, she had never been prouder of her Ben.

Finn laughs, despite the fact he’s definitely heard this story before, as Poe grins and shakes his head. “Oh my god, I love you two.” He hums, as they get to the front door. Rey blushes as she grins, glad Poe is still a die-hard fan of the Ben and Rey relationship. He has always been one of their best supporters.

Rey looks in, spotting the front table for check-in. “You three keep on catching up, I want to hear all about New York, Poe.” She hums, not missing the way the boy blushes as she heads inside. His ears go pink, and it only makes her more curious as to what exactly the hell happened between him and Kaydel.

She knows he and Kay ran into each other in New York a couple months ago, and she’s been waiting on the details ever since. It’s not every day you meet up with an old highschool classmate in the middle of a massive city.

Ben nods, crossing his arms and picking up the conversation for her as Rey wanders over to the table. It takes her a second to recognize who’s sitting there, a very pregnant Jessika Pava and a very preoccupied Tallisan Lintra. 

Rey only balks a little in surprise, as she clears her throat. The two girls look up from the checklist they’re going through, Rey watching as they both try to match her with a name. 

They don’t get it right away, and Rey doesn’t know if she should be relieved or offended.

“Uh, Rey. Rey Niima?” She hums, crossing her arms over her chest and grabbing her elbow. She watches as recognition slowly washes over both of the girls, Tallie going through her list of nametags as Jessika checks her off a long list of names with a bright green check mark. Her pen harshly scrapes against the paper, as Rey rocks on her heels

“Oh my  _ god _ .” Jess hums, as Tallie peels off the sticky name tag and hands it to Rey. “Babe, you look  _ great _ , what the hell has been up?” 

Maybe Rey was half expecting them to act like stereotypical mean girls, make some snide remark about the mess that was senior year, but somehow she only finds kindness. It’s surprising, but certainly not unwelcome.

Rey feels herself relax a little, she can do this.

Maybe time really has mellowed them all out. 

“Good!” She chirps, turning and looking out towards the boys. Ben turns towards her after a moment, and he starts leading the rest of the group in as his eyes meet hers. “I also need name tags for Poe Dameron, Finn Storm, and Ben Solo. If you guys remember them.”

“Ben is here?” Tallie giggles, as Jess grins. “Are you guys still, you know…“

_ Dating, living together, getting caught making out in hidden corners of parties? _

The answer is yes to all three.

Rey tries to nod with a gentle smile, but instead jumps as Ben steps up behind her and wraps his arms around her. “I should hope so, I’m engaged to her after all.”

Rey rolls her eyes, as Tallie gasps and Jess just gawks. “You guys got  _ engaged? _ When?” Jessika squeals, as Tallie, of course, asks to see the ring. 

Rey shows them the necklace, as Ben rubs her hip and quickly tells the shortened version of the story. Machu Picchu, top of a cliff, nearly losing the damn thing…

He loves telling people they’re engaged, Rey is kind of scared for when they do finally get married and he starts introducing her to literally everyone as “Rey, my wife.” 

Not that she won’t do the exact same, really. Ben, her husband. 

It sends a pleasant tingle down her spine, just thinking about it.

She giggles as the girls aww over the story, Tallie going all doe eyed as Jess sighs into her hand. “That is  _ so _ romantic, I’m so happy for you two!” She hums, checking off the rest of the group's names. Ben takes his name tag from Tallie, smirking as he looks down at Reys. 

“You really should cross out Niima, just replace it with Solo.” He teases, letting her smooth out the tacky thing on his suit jacket. “You know, just for practice. Just so everyone knows who you belong to.”

She slaps his chest, as he giggles. “You’re an awful man, but that’s a great idea. If I didn’t know everybody would be asking questions about it I would totally be on board.”

He smiles, kissing her temple, “Fair.”

“Oh! Gross! It’s like watching your parents flirt!” Someone calls, making a gagging noise as Rey giggles.

Ben looks up and smiles, still holding Rey's hand as the two turn to look at a dramatically gagging Kaydel and a giggling Rose. Rose is drinking white wine, like a real adult, as Kaydel sips on some fruity soda thing and places her hand on the doorframe. 

Rey places a hand over her mouth, as Ben makes nervous noises. “We aren’t  _ that _ bad.”

“It’s pretty bad.” Finn hums, clapping Ben on the shoulder before walking off to go and join the girls. He gives them both quick hugs as Ben turns down to Rey.

“ _ Are we that bad? _ ” He whispers, as she nods in confirmation. She gently pats his chest, faded scars falling over his heart.

“We’re pretty bad, babe.”

He groans, as she giggles and guides him over to the group. Rey watches in interest as Kaydel and Poe uneasily address each other, both blushing and having a difficult time meeting each other in the eye.

It’s cute, watching them like they’re both middle schoolers with a crush. 

With some couples, maybe timing really _is_ everything. 

Rey turns up to Ben, already getting dragged into some conversation about Prom and exactly what happened when he and Rey ran off midway through the night. Ben recounts jumping a fence, making a break for the river behind the building they were in. It caused a whole shutdown of the event, when everybody realized two of the teens had snuck out. Principal Holdo and Ben's parents had been  _ furious _ , Rey still has nightmares about that conversation.

He plainly tells them they were stargazing, nothing more and nothing less. In truth, the two didn’t even know that people had realized they had left. They never actually meant to freak anyone out, they didn’t think anybody was looking for them.

Rey has a distinctly different memory from that night, involving way more kissing and way less clothes.

She flushes, and busies herself with drinking whatever Rose has procured for her in case anybody looks her way.

//☆//

Rey exhales, waving goodbye to Poe and Finn as they drive off at the end of the night. She slides into the car, adjusting the driver's seat to her preferences as Ben moves the passenger side to his.

It’s always an ordeal with them, that’s why usually only one of them drives a long distance at a time, but Ben is edging on tipsy and Rey would rather drive tonight anyways.

“That was… more fun than I expected.” He mumbles, closing his eyes and resting his head against the passenger side window. Rey smiles and grabs his hand, rubbing his knuckles with her thumb.

“It was fun.” She hums, hearing her phone buzz in her purse from it’s spot next to his feet. She and Ben got added to a group chat, Poe and Kaydel deciding everyone needed to get together again before they all flew back home. Rey is kind of terrified for that mess, but she won’t deny how good it feels to kind of have everyone back together again. Back home.

Ben nods, sighing and closing his eyes as she goes to start the car. Maybe they’ll go bowling, or something. That seems fun.

“I miss my TIE.” He mumbles, pouting as Rey giggles at him. This one has a fancy button instead of a classic key in ignition starter, fun.

A novelty, but not home. Not her thing.

She nods, turning it on as Ben sighs again. “I know, darling, I know.” She hums, reaching over and patting him on the thigh. She misses the TIE too, but part of this trip is to pick up the Falcon. Han is giving it to Rey, because Leia has finally convinced him to get a car that’s a little less work. After a close call in the garage last year, it was deemed time, and he said he would only trust Rey with taking care of his prized possession. It drives just fine, Leia knows that, but she doesn’t want Han crawling under it alone every time it makes a weird noise.

Which old cars do, a lot. 

The sedan starts, but Rey doesn’t make a move to drive. She needs a second to collect her thoughts. The air in this car is heavy, anyways, and Ben is progressively looking more and more like he’s going to say something.

“I had an idea.” He mumbles, turning to her and smiling. “You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I had an idea.”

“You’re only as crazy as I am.” She hums, turning to look at him with a quirk of her brow.

He purses his lips, chewing on his cheek. He does that whenever he thinks, his thinking face. “I think we should move back here, once I finish law school and stuff.” He hums, turning to look at her. She blinks in surprise, as he shrugs with ease and certainty. “I kind of want to be close to family, settle down here. I like the city, and it’s nice to be around so many people and have so many opportunities, but… I don’t know, I wanna come home. I miss it.”

Rey blinks, tapping her fingers along the steering wheel.

“You miss Finn.” Ben mutters, to which she nods. “And I miss my parents. You know my mom’s firm would hire me in an instant, she’s already told everyone her son is following in her footsteps. And with modern technology. I wouldn’t even have to travel until court dates for big cases, if I still want to pursue that in three years.”

Rey nods, because she also knows that. Ben wouldn’t be compromising income by choosing to stay near home. If anything, the cost of living is less here. It’s a good financial decision.

He blinks, as she turns to the steering wheel and takes a deep breath. They haven’t really made plans like this before, beyond the abstract. Neither of them really know what comes next, timing wise. They just know that they want to do it together.

“So,” she hums, “We get married in January, we spent two and a half more years in Coruscant for your law school.” She takes a deep breath, turning to him. “What do I do? What if I still can’t find work, and we want to settle down and start a family? I don’t think Naboo has a whole lot of mechanical engineering positions open.”

Ben stares at her, eyes widening. “Wait, wait, pause.” 

He turns to the front of the car, furrowing his brow.

“Twenty-eight.” He hums, rubbing his chin. “We’ll be twenty-eight, maybe even twenty-nine, before we settle down. Ten years since we started dating.”

He turns to her, brow furrowed, as Rey lets that wash over her. Ten years, holy shit.

“I don’t want to wait until we’re thirty to have our first kid, sweetheart.”

Oh.

Rey furrows her brow back at him. “Okay.” She hums, heart solidly thudding in her ribcage, “I mean, I agree, which means I need a job to start our savings and pay off our student loans. So, you know, we can… do that. Together.”

Ben groans, leaning towards Rey and setting his head on her shoulder as she continues to crunch numbers. “I hate being an  _ adult _ .”

She giggles, scratching his chin as he huffs against her skin. “I know, baby. I know.”

She continues scratching his chin, as they think. The car continues to run in the now empty parking lot, which she knows is bad for the environment, so she shuts it off so they can continue to talk. What a sight they are, the last car in this empty parking lot after a high school reunion. 

“What if you took over the garage, when I’m done.” Ben mumbles, grabbing her hand and playing with her fingers as he thinks. Rey turns down to him, is he serious? Han won’t let anyone pry that place from his cold, dead hands.

“You could do it.” He mumbles, blinking up at her as she turns down to him. “Take the time while I’m in school to work near campus just to fill our pockets, and then take the garage over from him when we move back. He’s the leading classic muscle car expert on the west coast, and he’s taught you everything he knows. You could do it, you’re the only one he would ever trust to inherit that place.”

Rey nods, because she does know that. If anyone is going to keep that place running, it’s going to be Rey. 

Who is she kidding, Han would be thrilled. And Leia would be ecstatic to get him out of the garage a little more. It would be a win-win situation.

That place turns a profit, but Rey knows it isn’t a massive moneymaker. But it would make her happy. So happy. And Han and Leia would be close by to help them take care of their future progeny, with Ben's hair and her eyes. Freckles and dimples, a perfect mix of the two of them.

Finn would be able to teach them, her childhood best friend would be the first teacher her children ever had.

It would be perfect.

She looks at him, and an awful thought bubbles to the top of her head as she runs a hand through his black hair and he sighs against her. “Oh, my god.” She mumbles, wrinkling her nose up at him. “Are we becoming your parents?”

Ben freezes, eyes snapping open and staring into the distance as Rey twirls his hair through her fingers. Ben opens his mouth, taking a second to think before shutting it again. He finally decides to just close his eyes with a resigned sigh.

“Shit, I think we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh... thanks for reading? I guess? I don't know??
> 
> I feel like this is a train wreck, but I wanted to post it because I felt like I should. I need to stop sitting on all of my written work, and being too scared to share it.
> 
> If you made it this far, congrats! here's a gold star. I love you.
> 
> No, seriously. If you made it this far I adore you. Thank you for putting up with me and my small novel, I know she's rough around the edges but she's mine and I intend to maybe post more?? if this gets somewhat well received? I don't know! We're flying by the seat of our pants here!
> 
> Also, if you want to interact with me, find me on twitter under the same name! BinaryStars3. I post bad bullshit there, join me and my zero followers and bad takes on life.

**Author's Note:**

> oop, we doing this. 
> 
> uhhh.
> 
> this is the first time I've ever published anything I've written, so.
> 
> you know. 
> 
> just be nice to me Im Baby.


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